Are playdates important?

Chayalle

Tue, Apr 04 2017, 9:16 am

My kids always thrived on playdates. I find it easier to let them have a friend, so that they can entertain each other. Otherwise, they are bored and asking ME for entertainment.

I don't feel pressured to do the entertainment. So long as they have access to toys, markers/crayons/paper, games, etc...they don't need me. My daughter and her friend can entertain each other such that I barely know they are home, and I just occasionally check on them.

gp2.0

Tue, Apr 04 2017, 9:22 am

amother wrote:

No I definitely feel that I need to help them come up with things to do and games to play. Maybe we don't have enough toys? Maybe 2 hours is too long for a playdate?

2 hours might be a little too long. How old are the kids? My kids get a little hyper when they have play dates but it's fun to see them so excited.

What do your kids play with on their own? Do you always have to help them play?

amother

Gray

Tue, Apr 04 2017, 9:44 am

I find that tztutzie has a strong point. You need to find the kid that plays nicely with your kid. If not the. You'll be busy taking care of them. You need to see if the personalities click. And the younger they are the less time they can play together. I have kids that my kids doesn't do well with. They don't play well. Now I see a new kid coming to my house and they play beautifly.

For a very long time ds was not able to deal with other kids, socially he didn't get cues.

He's in therapy and learning stuff and it's way easier.

SixOfWands

Tue, Apr 04 2017, 10:10 am

I think its definitely important for kids to have an opportunity to play with their friends outside of school. That could be on a playdate, at the park, in a sports program, or somewhere else. Its difficult to develop strong friendships with kids you only see at school.

You shouldn't have to plan activities for kids, once they're in kindergarten or so. Maybe talk to your kids. Ask them to plan out the time, and tell them your expectations.

seeker

Tue, Apr 04 2017, 11:15 am

Didn't read all the replies, just the first few, so apologies if this is redundant. In addition to the reasons mentioned, I think one important advantage of play dates is that parents get the opportunity to observe their kids in action. Parents have an important role in developing kids' social skills and middos, but if they only socialize in school then when are you getting a chance? For kids who have a number of siblings close in age maybe it's less vital, but even then siblings can be a different dynamic.

FranticFrummie

Tue, Apr 04 2017, 11:28 am

When I lived in the US, my daughter's BFF lived around the corner from us. Both of them are only children, and they were the only girls in the area similar in age. There were not streets to cross to get to each other's houses, so it was perfect. They came and went as they pleased. My only rule was to call when you arrive, and call if you are going to change locations (like go down the street to another kid's house.)

BFF lived in a HUGE house with a playroom and tons of toys. We lived in a tiny house, with much fewer toys. BFF's parents were very overprotective, so they were more than happy to host 99% of the time. When the girls did come to our house, I set them up with messy art projects in the back yard. Easy peasy!

They had huge fights, didn't talk to each other for a week, apologized, and then went on like nothing had ever happened. It was such a great growth experience for both of them, because they needed to learn conflict resolution, cooperation, and taking turns. For the most part, I stayed out of their squabbles and let them sort themselves out.

Long story short, YES, play dates are important!

amother

Lilac

Tue, Apr 04 2017, 1:01 pm

gp2.0 wrote:

My daughter is just over 3 and the playdates tend to be 2 hours. Is that reasonable?

gp2.0

Tue, Apr 04 2017, 1:42 pm

amother wrote:

My daughter is just over 3 and the playdates tend to be 2 hours. Is that reasonable?

Nope. You're right. 2 hours is too long for 3 year olds to entertain themselves. Also, not all 3 year olds are even developmentally ready for play dates. A year or two makes a big difference here - I thought we were talking about 4 or 5 year olds!

amother

Aqua

Tue, Apr 04 2017, 1:45 pm

dd(5) teacher told me it would be good for my daughter to invite somone over from her class but Im a gay person do I just call somone up and ask the mom if she can come over?

gp2.0

Tue, Apr 04 2017, 1:50 pm

amother wrote:

dd(5) teacher told me it would be good for my daughter to invite somone over from her class but Im a shy person do I just call somone up and ask the mom if she can come over?

Yep that's exactly what you should do. It'll be good for you to move out of your comfort zone too! If you have a class list with addresses try to pick someone who lives nearby. Otherwise just ask your daughter who she'd like to invite.

mha3484

Tue, Apr 04 2017, 1:55 pm

I have a hard time because I am not so set up for a play date we dont have a ton of living space but DS has social challenges so I am nervous to let him to go others so he takes a class on sunday afternoons which helps him meet other boys and we make up with friends to meet in the park shabbos afternoon most weeks.

I also feel like with boys the only time we really have as a family besides for shabbos is Sunday afternoon. I would like to do family activities not make play dates.

pause

Tue, Apr 04 2017, 8:27 pm

amother wrote:

My daughter is just over 3 and the playdates tend to be 2 hours. Is that reasonable?

My max, even for older kids, is 1.5 hours. By that time, either the kids are fighting or each playing on their own or bored. They no longer enjoy each other's company.

amother

Denim

Tue, Apr 04 2017, 8:51 pm

My 4 and 6 year old love playdates. They always beg me for kids to come over after school. I only allow them to invite kids who don't live so far, so the parents don't have to schelp across town to pick them up. My kids can usually entertain themselves with their friends and not bug me or fight.
Sometimes my kids have friends who are annoying. Once my daughter had a friend that just wanted to eat and sit around. She kept climbing on the living room couches, even after I told her not to. I needed to point out to my daughter afterwards that it was not acceptable behavior.

salt

Wed, Apr 05 2017, 2:34 am

Being in other kids houses can be eye opening for your child.

eg. my youngest DD is 6. She has many older siblings. She has a good friend of the same age, who has 3 younger siblings.

I feel that they gain so much when they are in each others houses. They see completely different environments. My DD loves being around her friend's little baby sisters. And her friend finds it interesting coming to a calmer house with such 'big' teenage kids.

Last edited by salt on Wed, Apr 05 2017, 3:11 am; edited 1 time in total

salt

Wed, Apr 05 2017, 2:34 am

If taking kids to friends are inconvenient there's something to keeping them to a minimum. My DS learns in a school where the kids are not all local. He wants me to take him all round Jerusalem to play at his friends houses. I try and keep those visits to a minimum, because the inconvenience will make me resent it. He has some local friends too, so he can play with a friend after school if he wants. He just has to choose one of the local ones.