DD Therapist | Imamother

amother

Orange

Sun, Jul 23 2017, 9:59 pm

Hi all, I hope you don't mind this long post.

I have a lovely DD, 11 years old. She is mostly lovely but struggles with impulse control, coping skills, and as a result has had some run-ins with school, mostly being sent out of class for chutzpah. The school has been very supportive and has worked both with her and us. We have taken her to a psychiatrist and had her tested by the school system. Basically, she has some elements of depression, anxiety, and ADD, but not enough for a full diagnosis of any of them. She has limited insight into her behavior and gets frustrated very easily. She is medicated on a low dose antidepressant that is known to help with anxiety as well and this has worked out well. We tried ADHD meds and they were not helpful.

A few years ago, the school suggested we take her to a therapist to learn better coping skills and how to understand and deal with her emotions more effectively. We did some research and found a very nice frum therapist who took our insurance. We went to her for about 6 months. She did play therapy with DD, worked closely with the school, and was a delightful person. DD LOVED going. Unfortunately, though, DD didn't really make any actual progress in a practical fashion and continued to have behavioral issues in school.

We spoke to a professional who recommended a non-frum psychologist who didn't take insurance. Knowing how important it was, we paid out of pocket and started again. Same story. DD loved her, enjoyed going, played fun games, got candy at the end, but made no progress. The psychologist even admitted that she was a somewhat difficult case because there is no clear diagnosis. We stopped after about 9 months because we didn't see it going anywhere.

We took a break for about a year, then things started getting more challenging in school. The school never insisted we send to a therapist, but they encouraged it, and it has always made them more willing to partner with us since they know we are doing our part. This time, they themselves recommended a therapist who they work closely with. She is also a non-frum woman who is very experienced. The school said they often send her some of their more challenging cases and she has a terrific track record. She stays in close contact with them so they can work well together. She is very busy but told the principal she will try to fit us in. We started with her about a year ago. She also does not take insurance. She told us right off the bat that she only accepts Medical Assistance because "being poor should not be an impediment to good mental health services." I wanted to retort "being middle class and on Obamacare shouldn't be either!" but I held my tongue. She has worked with our financial situation and given us a reduction (from $120 down to $75). She is very knowledgeable and sensitive to our needs as frum people. She is flexible about scheduling as I have a very tight schedule. DD loves going. But I feel like we are in the same place: not tons of progress. She was honest from the beginning and said it will need to be a somewhat long term relationship because at this age, it takes time to get very comfortable with each other.

Fast forward to now. Finances are tight for us. She can't go any lower on her bill. We are in the process of switching health insurances. If we find a therapist who accepts insurance, our insurance will cover 100% of the bill. I am trying to decide if we should stay with her because 1) she has definitely been somewhat helpful 2) the school is very happy with us going there 3) DD is very happy going there OR switch to someone else since 1) money is tight and this will make a big difference 2) it doesn't seem like anyone is super helpful, they are just a good support system for me and DH and the school is pleased that she is getting any help.

Now as to why she isn't making much progress in general, that's anybody's guess. We certainly have been to enough specialists. Maybe its just a matter of maturity? Or maybe this is her inherent personality that therapy can't really change?