I said ----- to my son😔

amother

Violet

Mon, Oct 09 2017, 9:01 am

Now I feel like crying....I'm so sad. He is 9 years old. Severe ADHD, language processing delays. His mouth is way faster then he can handle it.

He made a joke or sarcastic remark to my 3 year old and he thinks he's funny when he teases her. Note: he thinks he's being funny and he's really teasing her

I got so frustrated because he does it all the time and I'm telling him in so many ways and times to stop but he doesn't.

Ok. I said it in a yelling to him so he got irrational and said he needs to bother her so I said you are mean then I said he needs to stop he said he can't I said he needs to go to a mental home. Now I was out off control here. I should not have said these words I was practically yelling that he needs to stop and that's when he pulled out his irrational cards. And said ridiculous things. So I acted like a ridiculous idiot. I know now I will have to apologize because I won't forgive myself.

I asked him a bit too late if what he said was nice. At that point I saw on him that he realized he said ridiculous stuff.

It's so sad that I lost it. I usually don't but when he said he has to joke with her even though she hates it I lost it.

I should have just walked away but now it's too late.

Please don't bash me as thischild is a challenge I'm trying to live with. I have tremendous guilt and I'm down now.

Why do these kids have so many nice sides to them yet sometimes he has this mean streak? I'm wondering what this could be. He's seeing a therapist and I do too. So I will bring this up and see what he has to say. It's so disturbing to me when he answers this. I think it was just a bad moment of his he does not like when I yell at him I'm noticing every time I yell he gets irrational and say stupid things. But I'm asking him so many times to stop.

I will have a conversation with him today when I'm not angry or maybe wait till tomorrow after I say I'm sorry for this horrible comment. I hope he will not take this to heart. I know this is hurtful it came from me at a weak moment

I am gonna take ownership and say I'm sorry.

amother

Floralwhite

Mon, Oct 09 2017, 11:08 am

I have been there op not so long ago..
I have a son who is going through a very challenging time.
One very difficult morning a few weeks ago he was totally out of control. He was hurting his siblings and breaking stuff.
I told him that if he did not behave I would have to find him an orphanage to live in.
Such a horrible thing to say I still can't belive I said that.
But you know what, This is really hard for me and I am human and make mistakes.
lots of hugs op.
anon because I told my friends in real life what I did.

amother

Oak

Mon, Oct 09 2017, 11:34 am

amother wrote:

And I did this with the advice and guidance of my childs psychiatrist. Said child was wrecking such havoc it was almost going to become true. Unfortunately there arent that many orphanages/boarding schools a parent can feel comfortable pacing a child in.

Even now when said child is much better already, our home would be a much calmer place with a little break from said child.

amother

Blush

Mon, Oct 09 2017, 12:07 pm

Hi op, I have a challenging son, too. Just take him aside, apologize and reassure him you know he is not crazy and you would never send him to a mental home. Tell him its ok that you were mad at him for being mean to his sister, but it wasn't ok to say something insulting. Then move on, because that sort of validating apology is a great lesson for him, and without your slip up, you would never have had the opportunity to teach him the life skill of a proper apology! (And apologizing is a real skill, it's not just saying "I'm sorry")

amother

Sienna

Mon, Oct 09 2017, 12:22 pm

Having btdt I think it is a good opportunity for modeling. Because by that action you have demonstrated that you are sometimes impulsive -,just like him.

So you cam say- (when you are both calm)

When I said that I was out of control. I'm so sorry I hurt you with my words-, didn't mean it at all. This is the trouble with being out of control - you can say and do things that you really don't mean to, and that can cause big big problems, which is why I am so worried when I see you like that. But I also understand even better how how when you get like that, you don't really mean it, it's just your Yetzer Hara getting the better of you, as I unfortunately let ny YH get the better of me. I'm am very sorry. Now - can we brainstorm some strategies to help so that neither of us feel out of control like that again?

amother

Gold

Tue, Oct 10 2017, 5:12 pm

Apologize as soon as possible and reassure him that you didn't mean it.

I actually disagree on making it a teachable moment - I don't think you should, because then the message is 'look, I did something bad, but you do it all the time and you're bad for it'. It may not be what you want to convey, but apologies should never have a lesson attached about the other person's behavior, because it is likely to send the wrong message regardless.