Public school and Jewish school.

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Forum -> Chinuch, Education & Schooling

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amother

Sun, Mar 08 2020, 11:30 pm

My youngest DD was failing in her Jewish school. She seemed like she could handle Pre-K great and her morahs gushed over how she was doing. Happy, well adjusted, friendly, smart. But K5 and 1st grade were disasters. Things fell apart. Her teacher would scream at the children. My DD would get so upset or frustrated because of other kids' antics and then eventually she would melt down into her own. She would get sent out of class for "breaks" and even suspended. Despite this, every morning would be a new day of optimism for her. We would have a talk in the morning, "okay, lets try really hard to listen to your morah well today", "ask for help if you are feeling frustrated" etc. Hardly a day went by that was good. We made the tough decision to put her in public school for a year and she loved it so much. At the time, other options just didn't seem like good fits or feesible. She was so excited every day to go to school and so sad that the school year ended. Her teacher had control of the class and made her feel safe and cared for and created an environment to learn. After that, because she was missing out on a Jewish education, we found another Jewish school for her we switched her into after that year and it's now a few years later. She often enjoys the learning but she doesn't love it. She sometimes asks to skip school and complains she doesn't learn secular subjects very much. Nothing can re-create that magical year in public school but unfortunately everything else pales in comparison to it. Don't know what to do.

IvriAnochi

Sun, Mar 08 2020, 11:59 pm

Jewish Education is very important for every single Jew. I think if you found a Yeshiva that works for her, stick to it. It will be worth it in the end

#BestBubby

Mon, Mar 09 2020, 12:15 am

OP, if you want your DD to remain frum, to marry a Jew, than she must go to a Jewish school.

It wasn't public school that was "magic". Your DD was fortunate to have a teacher who was
"magic" but there are plenty of lousy public school teachers and there a SOME "magic"
yeshiva teachers.

As one goes through ANY school, one will have both good and bad teachers.

Last edited by #BestBubby on Mon, Mar 09 2020, 12:37 pm; edited 1 time in total

amother

Pewter

Mon, Mar 09 2020, 3:44 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

My son goes to public school. He’s autistic, so there was no other option. Believe me, those early years are great in public school. They get their own computers, they learn in centers, there’s free meals, they give out library cards and videos, there’s class trips to museums.

And then you hit middle school. I promise you, it’s a nightmare. Night. Mare. Sweet kids suddenly swear all day and all night. My son comes home saying WT* in full regularly, because it’s all he hears. There’s a lot of s-xual pressure and s-xual innuendo. Kids are coming to school having watched the most awful awful movies - and I’m not a prude. They’ll discuss in detail some ultra rated R scene, with glee.

My kid is actually lucky he’s so learning impaired, because the general classrooms are just rowdy and out of control. And I’m assuming that you still have great teachers and classes - but it’s definitely not a thing.

Never regret sending to Jewish schools! Your child might not be a school person. I really feel you, it’s hard to send your child somewhere they don’t enjoy.

amother

Vermilion

Mon, Mar 09 2020, 5:38 am

Some public schools have better education than many yeshivas, and when they are little there isn't much of a difference, but I agree that middle school is a different story. Socially it becomes very different when they are in their teens, you probably wouldn't want your dd exposed to that. There are no guarantees that putting her back in public that she would get the same experience .

naturalmom5

Mon, Mar 09 2020, 6:20 am

BB for the most part you are right, but there are exceptions

My son was in a Yeshiva High Sch in Baltimore for 2 years
It was more like a warehouse. He absolutely hated it,
Eventually , on his own he chose a very specialized PS in HS and went there on his own

He was very sucessful there, a d then went on to learn in Israel for 2 years

Ironically, now he is very passionate about Judiasm , but most of the boys who were in is Yeshiva HS aee OTD

amother

Vermilion

Mon, Mar 09 2020, 6:40 am

naturalmom5 wrote:

Yes, it's something to see on a case by case basis, each person is different and that's a decision that only parents that know the child can make. You had the sensitivity to see what was best for your son and that's important.

imasinger

Mon, Mar 09 2020, 6:58 am

From what you posted, it sounds like she was in public school for second grade, and now is in 5th, 6th, or 7th grade.

As the mother whose DS with ASD said, middle school is a whole different ballgame in public school. But that also can be true in a dayschool. It's just a hard age for a lot of people.

But I do wonder about something.

Most kids wouldn't have such strong memories after a few years. Is your DD one of the exceptions, or are you the one putting together her satisfaction that year and relative dissatisfaction since, and concluding it's all about the school?

The only specific complaint in your OP was this:

amother[OP] wrote:

She...complains she doesn't learn secular subjects very much.

To which I'd advise you offer an opportunity for her to learn more about what interests her. Sign her up for an extracurricular or summer science or art program. Take her to the library and help her find some wonderful age appropriate literature, and set aside time to read with her.

Let her see that she doesn't have to depend on any school; she's old enough to enjoy learning whatever floats her boat.

What's her social situation? Does she have friends at her school?

amother

Jade

Mon, Mar 09 2020, 7:10 am

Just want to add that another reason a kid who struggled in Jewish school might feel more successful in public school is you have the same amount of time in school dedicated to half as many subjects.
As much as many of us want our children to get an excellent secular education on top of an excellent Jewish education, there are only so many hours in a school day. So Jewish schools have to push through a lot of material in limited time. Of course it’s overwhelming for many kids. Of course public school will feel like a breeze in comparison and boost confidence.
Still, I believe a Jewish school is the best place for a Jewish child. I have one child in a secular private school, and believe me, if there were any Jewish school around that was remotely up to educating him properly, he’d be there.

#BestBubby

Mon, Mar 09 2020, 12:42 pm

naturalmom5 wrote:

Of course there are exceptions but they are EXCEPTIONS to the RULE that most Jewish kids
who go to public school will end up not frum and intermarrying (SHMAD).

I don't see how any parent can take that RISK.

And even Non Jews, who are upper middle class or religious, won't send their kids to public schools.

amother

Vermilion

Mon, Mar 09 2020, 1:10 pm

#BestBubby wrote:

You are wrong. Upper middle class non Jews buy their houses in nice fancy neighborhoods and send them to PS.

#BestBubby

Mon, Mar 09 2020, 1:25 pm

amother [ Vermilion ] wrote:

You are wrong. Upper middle class non Jews buy their houses in nice fancy neighborhoods and send them to PS.

Good point. But those "fancy" public schools are not typical public schools. The parents pay
for the better public schools with very expensive houses and high property taxes.

amother

Ginger

Mon, Mar 09 2020, 1:26 pm

amother [ Vermilion ] wrote:

You are wrong. Upper middle class non Jews buy their houses in nice fancy neighborhoods and send them to PS.

Sure, in many cases. In many cases, though, they don't. I live in a very expensive neighborhood that is almost exclusively upper class. It's considered an excellent school district. I work in the public elementary school and it's pretty good. The school as a whole is well run. Some teachers are good, some are great. The kids are well behaved and respectful for the most part. I don't work in the middle school but I live down the block from the school and see students passing by every morning and afternoon. Omg. The difference between elementary school and middle school is shocking. The language, the behavior, the drugs. While I would be fine with my child in the elementary if needed, I would be extremely reluctant to send to that middle School. And it's considered a good school! Many of the wealthy parents do move their kids from public to private after elementary school.

amother

Scarlet

Mon, Mar 09 2020, 1:30 pm

#BestBubby wrote:

Good point. But those "fancy" public schools are not typical public schools. The parents pay
for the better public schools with very expensive houses and high property taxes.

So - frum parents who can afford to live in very expensive houses are okay to sent their kids to public school?

I would imagine your issue with public schools is lack of Jewish education, and diversity of student body...

amother

Vermilion

Mon, Mar 09 2020, 1:38 pm

amother [ Ginger ] wrote:

Yes, middle school is different than elementary, I agree, even in nice neighborhoods.

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