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Forum
-> Parenting our children
zaq
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 Mon, Oct 19 2020, 11:40 pm
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It’s possible OP is a troll, but I happen to know people who have done things like this.
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Blessing1
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Mon, Oct 19 2020, 11:41 pm
| amother [ Ruby ] wrote: | This. Seriously, if your downstairs in the kitchen and your kid is upstairs sleeping, it's the exact same thing as a neighbor listening in on a monitor.
Except for a fire.
And everyone should have a fire alarm, which the neighbor would hear, same as you would hear if a fire broke out upstairs. |
No it's not the same thing. There's no 2 heavy doors between the upstairs and downstairs of the same house. And a baby monitor does not detect clearly every sound. Even the baby's loud cries are often muffled over the monitor. Another concern is that if the child wakes up and finds himself in an empty house, it can traumatize the child for life. The child will never trust you again.
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amother
Tangerine
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Mon, Oct 19 2020, 11:44 pm
| amother [ Coral ] wrote: | | Of all the house fires that ever happened in the world, approximately 0% of them were planned. You don’t know if/when you’ll be hit. We had a fire. It was a horrific traumatic experience that I never wish on anyone. |
Exactly this. We had a fire while my parents were out and I was watching my siblings. It’s not like we were playing with matches or did something that caused it. You don’t get an advanced warning that a fire will be happening at that time.
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Blessing1
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Mon, Oct 19 2020, 11:45 pm
| amother [ Ecru ] wrote: | How do you sleep at night in a different room? If your child has difficulty breathing and you are fast asleep, how would you know? If theres a break in and you're fast asleep how would you know unless they make a lot of noise? If your child climbs out of crib in middle of night for first time.... then what?
Fire is the only thing I'd be scared of here. That's a good reason. But What are the chances of fire breaking out out of the blue?
I wouldn't leave my baby home alone but these answers are a little crazy. |
This is within normal human hishtadlus. Also, when a mom sleeps, their mother's intuition usually stays awake.
"Mom's don't sleep, we hover in a semi conscious state waiting for someone to need something."
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zaq
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Mon, Oct 19 2020, 11:46 pm
| kenz wrote: | | Does no one think OP wrote this just to get reactions? Please. |
No. People do things like this. Sometimes they end up on the six o’clock news: “ A six month old baby is dead and his mother in custody after an apartment fire in Brooklyn tonight. The baby’s mother had left the child alone and was visiting a neighbor when the fire broke out. She was unable to rescue the baby because the flames and smoke were too intense. Firefighters broke in and found the child unresponsive...”
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Teomima
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Tue, Oct 20 2020, 12:04 am
OP I am so bothered by the fact that you seem to think this is a matter worthy of smiling emojis, that just because it worked out, this time, that this sort of thing is okay.
Just in case the dozens of mothers who said it here want enough to get this through your thick sheitel:
IT IS NEVER OKAY TO LEAVE A TODDLER HOME ALONE!
No a monitor doesn't count. A nearby neighbor doesn't count. Another young child doesn't count, either.
You are a MOTHER. You are entrusted with a HUMAN LIFE. That means you don't get to run out for fifteen minutes, even for an emergency (and a sheitel is NOT an emergency).
Next time either ask your neighbor to physically come to your apartment, or take your child with you. Because just so you know, if I knew you in real life, I'd have reported you to the cops.
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yksraya
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Tue, Oct 20 2020, 12:15 am
I don't know if this is legit, or if op is looking to stir up some controversy. But ppl, leaving kids with a monitor is DANGEROUS!
Let's say there is a fire. Even if you do hear the alarm over the monitor, you gotta save your kids, alert everyone in the building, call fire Dept, and also save neighbors kids, all in the same time...
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moonstone
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Tue, Oct 20 2020, 12:24 am
| amother [ OP ] wrote: | Lol I went and Im back and everythings good  |
You're very, very lucky. But your casual attitude towards leaving a toddler home alone is disturbing. And even if you'd left the monitor on, a monitor is no substitute for human supervision. G_d knows what might have happened. But hey, at least you'd have had a nicely styled wig.
I'm sickened that there are communities where this is a widespread practice. Those poor kids. What you did constitutes child endangerment, and if I'd been there I would have called CPS on you.
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amother
Bisque
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Tue, Oct 20 2020, 12:33 am
While I have heard in some communities this is normal - it is not legally ok and you could be charged with negligence if something happened. I would never ever do this. I would recommend in future that u have the sheitel done off your head and pick it up already done once your husband comes home or in morning or even have your husband pick it up from the porch of the woman or anything like that. Rather have a not great but respectably done Sheitel than risk my child.
Leaving a baby inside your house Sleeping while getting something from a Neigbor for a second when u can see your front door is totally different than going down the block or further where u can't go in within a minute or less. Just as leaving a child in a car with window open to put something in someone's mailbox while u are 5 seconds from Your car is different than going into a house or store and leaving your child in an unattended car.
As mentioned- fires, choking, kidnapping, and many other things. It is no question legally considered wrong and can be prosecuted. It is like leaving a child in the car when a hoping in a store or leaving a Stroller with a baby outside of a store.
As a Hashkafa it also shows we are valuing conveniences over safety. When I see this it tends to make me few people have lost their common sense and safety sense bc they are too overwhelmed . I understand why people convince themselves it is ok . It is because they are overworked and stressed and need to get things done, but when I see mothers doing this I honestly feel like hashem would rather we as a society have less kids and give them the time and attention and safe environment they deserve rather than having more kids or life responsibilities than we can manage and then convincing ourselves that dangerous And illegal things are not dangerous and illegal. If we as a society or family have to rationalize cutting corners on basic legal safety in order to survive, than we need to look at changing our lifestyle because it isn't ok. We need to have more paid or spouse or family help, or space kids more or not have our sheitels or clothes or shopping trips done or as nice or whatever it takes to be able to safely parent our children in a present and responsible way.
I don't think anyone is bad or wanting to be neglectful but people rationalize bc they are desperate and it is a problem to allow ourselves or our community of mothers as a whole to get so desperate to stay afloat with responsibilities that we rationalize this type of thing.
Another way to look at childcare shortcuts is what you would be ok with a sitter doing. If you would be horrified if a paid babysitter did something (like going to her own Sheitel appt and leaving your baby asleep with a monitor) than u shouldn't do it as the mother.
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Sunny Days
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Tue, Oct 20 2020, 12:51 am
| amother [ Bisque ] wrote: | While I have heard in some communities this is normal - it is not legally ok and you could be charged with negligence if something happened. I would never ever do this. I would recommend in future that u have the sheitel done off your head and pick it up already done once your husband comes home or in morning or even have your husband pick it up from the porch of the woman or anything like that. Rather have a not great but respectably done Sheitel than risk my child.
Leaving a baby inside Sleeping while getting something from A Neigbor for a second when u can see your front door is totally different than going down the block or further where u can't go in within a minute or less. Just as leaving a child in a car with window open to put soemthing in someone's mailbox while u are 5 seconds from Your car is different than going into a house or store and leaving your child in an unattended car.
As mentioned- fires, choking, kidnapping, and many other things. It is no question legally considered wrong And can be prosecuted. It is like leaving a child in the car when hoping in a store or leaving a s Stroller with a baby outside of a store.
It also shows valuing conveniences over safety. When I see this it tends to make me few people lose their common sense and safety bc they a re overwhelmed . I understand why people convince themselves it is ok bc we overworked and stressed and need to get things done but when I see mothers doing this I honestly feel like hashem would rather we as a society have less kids and give them the time and attention and safe environment they deserve rather Then having more kids or life responsibilities than we can manage and thinking we have to rationalize cutting corners on basic legal safety in order to survive.
I don't think anyone is bad or wanting to be neglectful but people rationalize bc they are desperate and it is a problem to get that desperate that one is tempted to rationalize this type of thing.
Another way to look at it is of u would be horrified if a paid babysitter did something (like
Going to an appt and leaving baby asleep with a monitor) than u shouldn't do it as the mother. |
Well said.
Do you speak/write in Yiddish? I want this translated & sent into a Yiddish publication as a PSA.
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amother
Pumpkin
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Tue, Oct 20 2020, 12:58 am
| FranticFrummie wrote: | I never knew that leaving a baby alone with a monitor was a "thing", until I came onto Imamother.
I also never knew it was OK to leave a baby in a carriage parked out on the sidewalk while you shop.
I am absolutely disgusted with the lack of common sense and parenting skills. WHAT IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE?
I'm more careful with my dog than some people are with their kids. 
This should probably be a spin off, but it makes me wonder - if you spent 5 years of fertility treatments in order to have this child, would you be so casual about making sure you child was safe - or would you be treating this child like the G-d given treasure that they are?
I davened for 20 years before I was able to adopt DD. She never even saw a babysitter until she was 5 years old, because I never left her side. Even then, she was only babysat by close relatives, maybe once or twice a year at the most. |
I don’t for a second thing that most people are like this, but I 100% agree with you and the poster who said “easy come, easy go”... some people take having all these children for granted. There’s a special angel looking out for these children.
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tobee
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Tue, Oct 20 2020, 1:03 am
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Reading through this thread I'm horrified that frum yidden would call the cops or cps on their fellow yidden. Shame on you. You feel she's risking her toddlers life? Talk to her/her family or get her rabbi etc, involved. I don't know why you would think it's ok to call the cops in the name of safety.
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amother
Lime
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Tue, Oct 20 2020, 1:23 am
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In the name of safety...absolutely. I don't think you understand the full import of what you wrote. Seriously.
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amother
Bisque
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Tue, Oct 20 2020, 1:25 am
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I wouldn't call cps in such a situation but I am still sick to my stomach. it IS something cps would consider problematic and parents could - and have - been charged if something was to happen.The reason it is illegal and cps reportable is because it is dangerous. The fact that it is illegal and could result in the need for a defense attorney should be a enough of a reason not to do it or approve of it as a community norm even if you personally don't see a problem with it.
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amother
Linen
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Tue, Oct 20 2020, 2:21 am
No, and I'm a "free range parent". Toddler is too young, I'd take them with me.
If you asked "can I leave my toddler alone while I throw out the garbage?" I'd be like "you're not supposed to, but I do it".
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Teomima
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Tue, Oct 20 2020, 3:10 am
| tobee wrote: | | Reading through this thread I'm horrified that frum yidden would call the cops or cps on their fellow yidden. Shame on you. You feel she's risking her toddlers life? Talk to her/her family or get her rabbi etc, involved. I don't know why you would think it's ok to call the cops in the name of safety. |
So, what, being Jewish makes your child fireproof? Immune to the dangers? This is reckless endangerment and is against the law. Talking to her will obviously get you nowhere since everyone here was telling her NO, don't leave your baby alone, and she went ahead and did it anyways. Getting her Rav involved, fine, but there's a bigger picture here, too. The neighbor who took the monitor also thought it was fine. This is a major problem and I'm so upset and disgusted that anyone could possibly think it's okay. Calling the cops/CPS is absolutely the right thing to do because leaving a toddler home alone is criminal behavior. If a mother's logic and instinct didn't tell her that it's not okay, maybe a visit from CPS will get the message through her to her head. Being frum yidden does not absolve you from logic nor grant you any legal immunity. Dina demalchutcha dina.
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amother
Seashell
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Tue, Oct 20 2020, 5:33 am
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2 children died in beitar (apt building) when their parents did just that.
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Raisin
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Tue, Oct 20 2020, 5:38 am
While I would never do this, I am really curious what the real risks are, as oppossed to perceived risks. With a toddler I would be worried about the child getting out of bed (always a first time) and hurting themselves, or just getting traumatised at being home alone, or doing something dangerous. There are always the risks of kidnap (eg Madeline Mcann, an incredibly rare event) or fire but I would imagine that is pretty remote, especially if you have decent fire alarms.
I mean, getting into a car carries risks but we all do it. How many of you drive when you could easily walk, just because it is easier? Look in the newspaper and see how many kids die in car accidents. I bet its more then kids who die in fires because parents left them home alone. Do you consider yourself a bad parent if you take your kid to the beach or swimming pool? So many kids drown each year.
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amother
Pink
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Tue, Oct 20 2020, 5:41 am
I don't get how this is a thing. I live in a converted 2 family so our apt and our neighbor's are really 1 house. On Purim they were having a megillah reading that started 10 minutes before my husband was due home so I went with the baby monitor and left the door open. I was so nervous Until I heard my husband get home. Chol hamoed succos I bring the baby monitor out to the succah is baby's inside sleeping, and on YT I keep running in to check on her.
How do people just walk away and assume the neighbor is available to come over if she hears something.
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amother
Powderblue
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Tue, Oct 20 2020, 5:42 am
The risks of something tragic are pretty low. But tragic and totally preventable is a whole other level of tragic.
I grew up before seatbelts were mandatory. We survived. I buckle up now and buckle up my kids, though.
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