Sleepovers | Imamother

shabbatiscoming

Wed, Jul 28 2021, 7:57 am

Sunny Days wrote:

Mouths tend to be looser at 3 am (especially after lots of candy) plus when things are cozy and quiet...

Again, I believe this is an issue in some communities.
I went on countless sleep overs. Nothing ever happened.
My daughter has too. Its all pareve.

amother

Freesia

Wed, Jul 28 2021, 8:00 am

Sunny Days wrote:

Mouths tend to be looser at 3 am (especially after lots of candy) plus when things are cozy and quiet...

How is that different than the same kids going to sleepaway camp or a school shabbos?

Chickensoupprof

Wed, Jul 28 2021, 8:01 am

[quote="Raisin"]

Chickensoupprof wrote:

I find the approach of the Rav very extreme. I know girls who are above bar mitzvah who live during the week in a house because they are living far away from the school because their parents do Kiruv or slichus. They live there during the week and the father is there. Sometimes there is a brother too. Also remember some people don't have frum cousins. Like my cousin is not even Jewish and the ones who are Jewish are not observant. I would love if I have children that friends or classmates will invite my children over because I don't have frum family myself. DH has, but I have had to adopt sisters.

No shluchim will send their girls to board in a house with older boys.

Correction... the oldest boy is 10 but ey this is the Netherlands not lots of people there who are in your hashkafa and have a child your age and who has a place to let a girl sleep for a week.

Sunny Days

Wed, Jul 28 2021, 8:03 am

amother [ Freesia ] wrote:

How is that different than the same kids going to sleepaway camp or a school shabbos?

Probably not much. Which is why some parents don’t allow or will only send to a very supervised camp.

amother

Freesia

Wed, Jul 28 2021, 8:05 am

Sunny Days wrote:

Probably not much. Which is why some parents don’t allow or will only send to a very supervised camp.

No matter how supervised a camp is you can't stop girls from giggling and sharing secrets at night.

LovesHashem

Wed, Jul 28 2021, 8:05 am

shabbatiscoming wrote:

At a sleep over no kid is alone with an adult, by pure definition of the word dleepover, there will always be at least 2 kids. Your kid will never be alone with an adult. 🤔

I would let me kids sleepover. I was just talking in general.

Chayalle

Wed, Jul 28 2021, 8:07 am

Sunny Days wrote:

Probably not much. Which is why some parents don’t allow or will only send to a very supervised camp.

No one's supervising at 3 a.m.

Sunny Days

Wed, Jul 28 2021, 8:08 am

amother [ Freesia ] wrote:

No matter how supervised a camp is you can't stop girls from giggling and sharing secrets at night.

True
But there may be less opportunities.

amother

Freesia

Wed, Jul 28 2021, 8:09 am

Sunny Days wrote:

True
But there may be less opportunities.

A one night sleepover vs a month of camp? I don't think so.
If someone is that concerned they better just homeschool their kids and not allow any play dates at all. Even when their kids are teens.

Chayalle

Wed, Jul 28 2021, 8:10 am

shabbatiscoming wrote:

Why? Because of yichud?
If not then just realize that not all males are bad guys and some bad people are female.

It drives me nuts that people think all men are suspect of who knows what.

And there are female molesters too.

As to loose tongues, my DD was told certain things I would've preferred to save for later when she was seven, at a cousin's wedding, by another cousin. Maybe we should ban those too.

You can't make enough rules to shelter your kids the way you would like. Better prepare them well, and let them be normal. Make sure they know they can come to you for anything they ever have questions on, or any concerns they have. That's the best you can do as a parent. Leave the rest to Hashem.

nursemom1

Wed, Jul 28 2021, 8:13 am

I can’t believe anyone here actually thinks that saying no to sleepovers will prevent teenagers from having inappropriate conversations. You must have been a teenager a very long time ago...

Sunny Days

Wed, Jul 28 2021, 8:17 am

Chayalle wrote:

No one's supervising at 3 a.m.

Nothing is foolproof and that’s why parents should have conversations with their kids.
And I went to camp and to school shabbatons and Had sleepovers with friends when my mother had a baby or some other big occasion, not for stam. I was replying to pp who asked why it’s different.

Sunny Days

Wed, Jul 28 2021, 8:18 am

nursemom1 wrote:

I can’t believe anyone here actually thinks that saying no to sleepovers will prevent teenagers from having inappropriate conversations. You must have been a teenager a very long time ago...

Well, maybe it was just me and my good group of friends, but we never had inappropriate discussions as teens Very Happy

amother

Freesia

Wed, Jul 28 2021, 8:24 am

Sunny Days wrote:

Well, maybe it was just me and my good group of friends, but we never had inappropriate discussions as teens Very Happy

Then why are you so convinced this is happening at sleepovers?
Personally I don't remember anything too bad at sleepovers way back when. We probably gossiped about school a bit, or our movie star crushes, between eating junk food, playing games, and watching videos. Very innocent stuff.
Anything inappropriate was probably shared on long hot summer Shabbos afternoons when we had nothing to do. But nobody is forbidding shabbos afternoon get togethers!

MrsDash

Wed, Jul 28 2021, 8:42 am

shabbatiscoming wrote:

Yes, we allow sleep overs. And have allowed since the age of 6, at our home and at friends homes.

This. Exactly this.

amother

Orange

Wed, Jul 28 2021, 9:36 am

LovesHashem wrote:

I said selected relatives.

Of course I'd let my kids do playdates, go to camp, etc, but I wouldnt put them in a situation where they are left alone with another adult completely alone.

who said camps, schools are 100% safe?

amother

Watermelon

Wed, Jul 28 2021, 9:39 am

amother [ Orange ] wrote:

who said camps, schools are 100% safe?

We will never have real statistics, but I'm betting a lot more abuse goes on at school and camps than at sleepovers.

Raisin

Wed, Jul 28 2021, 9:49 am

Chickensoupprof wrote:

Correction... the oldest boy is 10 but ey this is the Netherlands not lots of people there who are in your hashkafa and have a child your age and who has a place to let a girl sleep for a week.

its really difficult to find boarding places everywhere, and this is one of the reasons. I think 10 is fine, especially if the girl is older. But it could still be a yicud issue if everyone else has to go out.

amother

Iris

Wed, Jul 28 2021, 9:59 am

ShishKabob wrote:

I don't do sleepovers unless it's a cousin or someone super close to our family that we know thoroughly.

From imamother it seems that unfortunately many abuse situations happen at home or relatives houses.