Sleepovers | Imamother

Chickensoupprof

Wed, Jul 28 2021, 1:44 pm

Raisin wrote:

its really difficult to find boarding places everywhere, and this is one of the reasons. I think 10 is fine, especially if the girl is older. But it could still be a yicud issue if everyone else has to go out.

Thank G-d the parents are mostly at home and especially the mother who runs the Israeli beis chabad/ tourist thing with her husband mostly form home because they have a bunch of kids and a few kids for boarding extra in their house.

BrisketBoss

Wed, Jul 28 2021, 1:56 pm

amother [ Iris ] wrote:

From imamother it seems that unfortunately many abuse situations happen at home or relatives houses.

Yep. An abuser is likely to be a relative, someone you know and trust. Which makes it hard for kids to tell and parents to believe. (And unfortunately, it can even be a parent or sibling.)

Last edited by BrisketBoss on Wed, Jul 28 2021, 3:54 pm; edited 1 time in total

gamanit

Wed, Jul 28 2021, 2:54 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

My rabbi said I should only host girls if my husband isn't home. He also said sleepover for boys is no problem. I really don't think I can follow this. I feel like it's so extreme.

I don't understand the logic. If you have daughters wouldn't it be just as dangerous to have boys come over to you? Unless he has a specific concern regarding your husband this makes no sense.

amother

Violet

Wed, Jul 28 2021, 3:42 pm

I had written earlier I don’t like sleepovers bec I had a bad experience as a kid.

At 3 am no in supervising.
I was pressured to do something I was very uncomfortable with and bothered me for many years. I had heard all the speeches but in the moment surrounded by friends it is difficult to be strong.
We were a group of great BY girls

I recently heard a lkwd school therapist speak at a mainstream Bais Yaakov type school. She spoke so strongly that our girls must understand it’s one girls per bed. And not to touch or fool around with other girls. It had become very common and affecting many marriage today. I believe it due to my experiences 20 yrs ago.

ETA: my experience was not sharing a bed.

amother

Freesia

Wed, Jul 28 2021, 3:47 pm

amother [ Violet ] wrote:

Never had a sleepover where girls shared a bed. It was always sleeping bags on a floor.
And I'm guessing I'm about your age, probably a bit older. Definitely nowadays it wouldn't even be a question.

I am sorry that happened to you, but I think that was an anomaly and very very rare. I don't think it was/is common at all.

amother

Watermelon

Wed, Jul 28 2021, 4:02 pm

amother [ Freesia ] wrote:

I also never shared a bed during sleepovers, but there is a cultural aspect.

In Israel actually not uncommon to share a bed if it's only one girl sleeping over. At least in DL and secular circles. The girls these days often have larger beds (120 cm) - מיטת נוער - and if one girl comes over it's considered simplest to just have her share the bed.

Again, not everyone, not everywhere, but certainly not unheard of or considered weird.