question about boys (teenage/low twenties....)

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Forum -> Parenting our children -> Teenagers and Older children

Question about boys (teenage/low twenties....)

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Ruchel

Tue, Apr 29 2008, 3:57 pm

I agree with you that teenage boys often find kids annoying ("hate" them). Now, there are friends who sleep in the same bed. I know I did it as a little kid, but not so much after 13 or so? but I know some who still do it after 20 too. Not quite my cup of tea.

amother

Tue, Apr 29 2008, 5:49 pm

freidasima wrote:

can't think of any teenage boy who would want a kid to sleep with them in their bed...when our boys had to share a bed for the night - there is a 7 year age difference between them - because we needed a bed for a cousin, they balked and one ended up sleeping on the floor with a blanket - not even on a carpet! Just not to sleep with his kid brother in a bed...

So go know..

Sometimes you just have to deal with what you have because my kids slept together while visiting because there was no where else to sleep.

louche

Tue, Apr 29 2008, 9:09 pm

Motek wrote:

louche wrote:

it takes very little--and sometimes nothing at all, or nothing more than a stray thought completely unrelated to what's going on around them-- to set them off. Ask any HS history/math/vocabulary teacher.

You think the typical HS teacher of boys notices this on a regular basis? Confused

AAMOF I do. I have both friends and relatives who teach HS, and their stories are pretty wild. (The things they notice and sometimes have to put a stop to go waaaay beyond spontaneous arousal, but this is a family publication and we'd like to keep it that way.) Granted they're teaching public school, not yeshiva, but the basic physiology of the youthful male is pretty standard across the board.

cassandra

Tue, Apr 29 2008, 9:16 pm

louche wrote:

but the basic physiology of the youthful male is pretty standard across the board.

Not everyone here believes this to be so.

Motek

Tue, Apr 29 2008, 10:38 pm

louche wrote:

Granted they're teaching public school, not yeshiva, but the basic physiology of the youthful male is pretty standard across the board.

The physiology is the same but most yeshivos have boys only. Public schools are co-ed. Do you think having girls sitting next to you might have something to do with this?

Seraph

Wed, Apr 30 2008, 5:01 am

I asked my husband about this and he thinks this is a big hype about nothing.
He said pressure down there can cause an erecti0n, even if no bad thoughts were involved.
He said if he gets an erecti0n from them sitting on his lap its probably nothing, but if he gets it looking at them, thats something to be concerned about...
About sharing a bed, he said that depending on the teens nature, it really could be nothing.

ShiningThrough

Wed, Apr 30 2008, 5:20 am

Breslov, your husband's input in this area is valuable and appreciated... but...
Yes, OP, RED FLAG!!!
Trust your intuitions (but they don't need to become assumptions or judgements) and take action to protect the younger kids! No sharing beds for sure. Speak to the boy! Tell him that you know he loves the kids but you're uncomfortable with him touching them. Encourage board games and non-contact sports when they spend time together, and everything in plain sight- no closed doors or private walks! You can listen to your concerns without deciding that this guy is okay or not, just set down some rules and make sure the kids and this guy follow them. You are in charge. If you are uncomfortable, for whatever reason, with how someone is behaving with your kid/s, it is your RIGHT and your RESPONSIBILITY to make changes.
Good luck!

Seraph

Wed, Apr 30 2008, 5:28 am

ShiningThrough wrote:

Breslov, your husband's input in this area is valuable and appreciated... but...
Yes, OP, RED FLAG!!!
!

Let me just add that I just told my husband the main gist of this thread and didnt read it to him, so its possible I missed something in telling it over.

But I would be curious if other men were asked that if a raging hormonal teenager had a kid sitting and squirming on his lap, if it would be normal to get an erecti0n, what he would say.

Btw, I would also be careful around this boy, but to advise to send him for psychological counseling is a bit too far imo, unless you see that he gets erections just from looking...

ShiningThrough

Wed, Apr 30 2008, 5:39 am

It must be min hashamaim that you noticed, OP. I think it's normal for this age guys to get spontaneous erections, but apparently he REALLY ENJOYS having kids on his lap, knowing (as he surely must) that he gets erections while doing this! To me it sounds like it needs to STOP. I don't think it's a good thing for the kids to sense ANY misplaced s-xual energy from this dude while they're in his company. Why promote it if you've noticed that he has had more than one erecti0n while playing with younger kids? Help this guy with his maturation and set him straight about what IS and IS NOT allowed where your kids are concerned!

freidasima

Wed, Apr 30 2008, 8:27 am

Clarissa, the old nuns story is well known...

Clarissa

Wed, Apr 30 2008, 8:41 am

freidasima wrote:

Clarissa, the old nuns story is well known...

I know, and I imagine that aged nuns everywhere find it offensive that they're used as an anaphrodisiac.

ShiningThrough

Wed, Apr 30 2008, 8:47 am

greenfire

Wed, Apr 30 2008, 9:18 am

cassandra wrote:

louche wrote:

but the basic physiology of the youthful male is pretty standard across the board.

Not everyone here believes this to be so.

you gotta be kidding ... why on earth not ?!?!?!

Clarissa

Wed, Apr 30 2008, 9:31 am

Motek wrote:

louche wrote:

Granted they're teaching public school, not yeshiva, but the basic physiology of the youthful male is pretty standard across the board.

The physiology is the same but most yeshivos have boys only. Public schools are co-ed. Do you think having girls sitting next to you might have something to do with this?

Okay, I actually went to my husband to get a man's take on this. In other words, to prove Motek wrong on this point. I wanted to say that all boys go through this embarrassing stage, whether there are girls around or not. In the interest of full disclosure, I present you with the transcript of our conversation:

Me: Honey, remember when you were a teenaged boy and you had those embarrassing incidents all the time, even at school?

Him: So you always say.

Me: You mean you don't remember that happening all the time? Being terrified that you'd be asked to write an equation on the blackboard or hand out tests or something? You don't remember constantly holding your book in front of you?

Him: Nope.

Me: Do you think this might have been partly because you went to a single s*x school and had nobody nearby to fantasize about?

Him: Well, I certainly wasn't fantasizing about the boys.

Me: So are you actually saying that you got less excited because you weren't in class with girls?

Him: Maybe.

Also in the interest of full disclosure, I'll include any relevant factors:

1) My husband is no Spring chicken. He might not remember his youth so well. Also, he doesn't have a memory as good as mine for trivial details of his youth or total recall of every embarrassing moment. I've spent much of my adult life going over every humiliation of my youth. It's a hobby.

2) I posted the other day about our fight on Shabbos. We're still somewhat distant because of the fight, and he probably still enjoys proving me wrong, even if it's not a conscious desire.

3) Having been to a school that was for boys, he probably prefer to think of those days as being more about learning than about blossoming s*xuality. Most observant men prefer not to think of their youth as reminiscent of a Philip Roth novel.

Mrs. XYZ

Wed, Apr 30 2008, 10:53 am

Hurray, Motek! Cheers

Clarissa

Wed, Apr 30 2008, 11:08 am

Mrs. XYZ wrote:

Hurray, Motek! Cheers

Not so fast, Miss Cheerleader. My survey wasn't exactly scientific. Just because a man (and not a young man) doesn't remember a lot of embarrassing incidents doesn't make him the spokesperson for hormonally-charged young men everywhere.

Mrs. XYZ

Wed, Apr 30 2008, 11:44 am

Clarissa wrote:

Mrs. XYZ wrote:

Hurray, Motek! Cheers

OK, I'm going to copy your questions and I'll "interview" my husband later too. (and he's no spring chicken either, but remembers what he ate for dinner the fifth day of school in second grade and what he wore the forth to last day in sixth grade! Tongue Out

)

louche

Wed, Apr 30 2008, 11:50 am

cassandra wrote:

louche wrote:

but the basic physiology of the youthful male is pretty standard across the board.

Not everyone here believes this to be so.

you mean to tell me there has to be a separate branch of urology just for yeshiva bocherim? That's extremely difficult to believe. Circumcision does have a tempering effect, but it only moderates, doesn't eliminate, the urge.

amother

Wed, Apr 30 2008, 12:08 pm

breslov wrote:

OP here. I asked my husband abt this orig. and he said pressure can cause it but that if u had kids in your lap u would make sure to keep them off the area so as not to cause an erecti0n. basically u wouldn't just let it happen from the kids unless u wanted it to.

anything else to add - please contact a moderator

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