S/o hfa - what are the obvious and not so obvious

bigsis144

Thu, Sep 29 2022, 5:50 am

amother OP wrote:

thanks for examples

the first example my teenager who is not hfa, just a entitled brat would also fight and argue and drive me crazy to get her way with computer, there must be a diff between the two but I dont know how to diffrentiate?

It’s very hard. My child was showing signs of rigidity, anxiety and frequent violent outbursts since they were in preschool, and when I got them professionally tested as a first grader, I was just told “eh, some kids just see the world half-empty. Just make sure to give them firm boundaries and their behavior will shape up. Good luck!”

And I felt like an utter failure as a parent for YEARS while things only got worse, and I couldn’t understand why parenting strategies - and expectations for my child’s behavior - tailored to neurotypical kids just didn’t work.

I had my child evaluated again in 6th grade, and getting an autism diagnosis (and adhd, and some learning disabilities, and anxiety/depression from the stress of “masking” at school) was a relief!

—

My HFA child is my oldest, so I didn’t really have a basis of comparison to other kids. You really have to take “the whole package” into account, and that’s what a qualified diagnostic evaluation will do. How long have these behaviors/tendencies been around? For example, teens can and will be bratty and argumentative, but has the child been triggered by sensory things or a perception of “fairness” their whole life?

Last edited by bigsis144 on Thu, Sep 29 2022, 5:52 am; edited 1 time in total

bigsis144

Thu, Sep 29 2022, 5:51 am

imasinger wrote:

Very uneven intellectual profile -- off the charts high in some areas, and well below average in others.

Black and white thinking

Quirks and special interests

Failure to pick up on social cues, especially pretty obvious ones

Anxiety in general, and specifically, social anxiety

High sensitivity to sensory issues, also to perceived slights

Difficulty recovering equilibrium after something upsetting - meltdowns

Discomfort with eye contact

Tendency to talk more than listen or ask social questions of others

Yes to every single one of these!

amother

Thu, Sep 29 2022, 6:15 am

bigsis144 wrote:

I hear you.

where did you see rigidity in behaviour?

I see quite abit of myself in these descriptions posted but I also had difficult childhood.

how can one know if these issues my parents couldn't cope with caused them to treat me the way they did or the way they treated me from infancy caused these issues?

please dont tell me to be evaluated. I dont trust anybody...for a accurate diagnosis. have to
go through hundreds to find the right one..

amother

Clear

Thu, Sep 29 2022, 7:17 am

amother OP wrote:

It's not that they want the time with the computer. It's black and white thinking. I am meant to have 2 hours with the computer. I need 2 hours with the computer. It would be the same for any other part of a routine. If Bathtime is meant to be 20minutes, if it takes longer or shorter, a neurotypical person will be able to accept that. ASD brain will struggle.
Nuanced thinking is about understanding that things don't always have to be the same, don't always have to be fair. It's about being able to accept when things go wrong or have to change. Imagine you're prepared to do an activity. Then you can't find whatever it is you need. So you improvise or adapt, or come up with something else. ASD brain is usually more rigid and will struggle to deviate from the original plan.

amother

Thu, Sep 29 2022, 7:20 am

amother Clear wrote:

thanks for explaining.

many people struggle with being flexible though?

LovesHashem

Thu, Sep 29 2022, 7:22 am

amother OP wrote:

So childhood neglect can mimic the signs of autism. It may be genetic and triggered by an environment. That's totally possible.

If you are autistic of not does not really matter. Autism is simply a name for a bunch of behaivours and whether or not you subscribe to a label you can work on managing those without needing a label

A diagnosis is only needed if it helps you or your loved ones.

You gotta work on loving yourself for who you are. Autistic or not. Labels or not. When you stop caring about others opinions and society and focus on caring for yourself, loving yourself, qurks and difficult and struggles and all and appreciate who you are it will be easier and you won't need to have a "real" answer about what label to give yourself and where x came from and why you are the why you are.

Because there's not neccessarily a real or perfect answer.

Speaking from some expirience.

Last edited by LovesHashem on Thu, Sep 29 2022, 7:25 am; edited 1 time in total

amother

Thu, Sep 29 2022, 7:34 am

WhatFor wrote:

Ouch. 😞

whats the ouch. I am perfectly ok that this is what teenagers can behave like. yes they feel entitled and yes they can behave bratty. didnt really mean it in a condescending way. love her very much and understand she is going through a stage now...

ok, now c'mon all tell me should have worded it diff. done the job for you no need to write in.

amother

Clear

Thu, Sep 29 2022, 7:36 am

amother OP wrote:

thanks for explaining.

many people struggle with being flexible though?

It's true that many people struggle. Usually you would be considering ASD if you saw them struggling in more than 1 area. Most people with ASD will struggle with rigid thinking/behavior, as well as social interactions along with some of the other symptoms mentioned above.
Autism is a really wide spectrum and as they say, if you've met one person with ASD, you've met one person with ASD. Every person is unique and even if they have the same condition/disorder, they may still present differently.
Are you concerned about something specific with your dc? I think if a child seems above and beyond what is within an average range and this is a range, then it may be worth exploring deeper as to the underlying reasoning.
If you had a 12 year old who couldn't read, you would think think there's probably a reason for this and would be looking into helping them. If you have a child who's struggling socially, or behaviorally, why wouldn't you also look at helping them.
Labelling isn't always the answer, but it can help guide to specific strategies or ways that usually help people struggling with those specific things.

synthy

Thu, Sep 29 2022, 12:10 pm

Can someone with HFA be highly articulate and have a sense of humor? I know a kid who struggles in social settings, has frequent meltdowns, is very sensory, etc. She's very smart and a great writer. She doesn't understand that when she's doing something annoying such as repetitive throat clearing its super annoying to everyone else but when someone does anything such as humming which she finds annoying she'll blow up. Simchas and family trips are very stressful because she can decide to wander off at any moment.

LovesHashem

Thu, Sep 29 2022, 12:22 pm

synthy wrote:

Yes. Definitely. I mean I'm highly articulate. I know someone who is highly articulate and absolutely hysterical. Everyone loves him, he's like the understated highlight of a party.

Actually all the people I know who are HFA started talking early and were very articulate as toddlers/little kids. Like the kind that all the adults think are hysterical because they are so articulate and have a high vocabulary and say the cutest things.

This sounds exactly like HFA. If she gets therapy she can learn to adjust a bit and also learn more about accomadations and what needs she has so for example you can work around that for a trip.

Why does she wander off? The issue is not wandering, its why she is wandering. She has a need for quiet, change of scenery, to decompress whatever it is if you find what bothering her and causing a behavior you can teach her and work together to find a solution that is better than disappearing without telling anyone.

If it's sensory overwhelming and she needs to decompress maybe she can listen to music on an mp3 or have something with her that calms her down. If it's wandering off a bit alone can she have a dumb phone and be told to tell a parent she is taking a five minute break and you can be in touch on the phone (depending on her age. Obviously not with a five year old). Maybe teach her to tell an adult she needs alone time if she's too young to go alone and an adult with acompany her.

Just some ideas.

synthy

Thu, Sep 29 2022, 12:30 pm

LovesHashem wrote:

When she gets upset at home, she has major meltdowns. In public she'll go hide in a bathroom or something.

We never thought she's autistic because she's able to express herself so well most of the time. She did start talking early and was an adorable toddler, the issues started when she was around 5.

What kind of therapist would she need to see? She saw a LCSW when she was younger who did play therapy with her and said she's too smart for her own good and has trust issues. Didn't mention asd.

LovesHashem

Thu, Sep 29 2022, 12:44 pm

synthy wrote:

I posted an unofficial checklist for female ASD earlier up thread. Women and girls don't get diagnosed nearly as much because they fit in socially better by masking and copying, their interests they obsess over are generally age and gender appropriate like fashion or dolls or music.

First you should get a diagnosis. I'd reccomend social skills training if needed and find a therapist who has expirience with FEMALE ASD. They can give her skills and tools to cope with things, communicate better, etc.
Has she ever gone to OT for sensory issues? That can help too depending on her age.

A meltdown is a reaction to over stimulation. Neurotypical kids have meltdowns too: when they don't sleep enough, miss their nap, are hungry, and disregulated etc.

Remember her behavior is just a reaction to being disregulated, over stimulated, the stress, frustrations of not understanding the world around her, it being too overwhelming, too much, coping and doing what everyone expects her to do which society's expectations of what you should be doing and how can be hard when you have ASD because your brain is just wired differently.

amother

NeonPink

Thu, Sep 29 2022, 3:06 pm

OP if you feel your teen has trouble with being rigid and non literal but doesn’t meet criteria for asd it could be ocd. My child will do the same with a 2hr screen time rule, but for them, they understand on a logical level very well what the rule means, but ocd makes them get very stuck on the script, and veering from the script causes them such cognitive distress that they melt down.

The other example with their need to snuggle is the same. Cognitively they understand that they can’t force someone to snuggle with them, but their ocd need is so strong that it hijacks their brain and overwhelms their ability to restrain themselves.

Personally I believe there is a huge overlap between asd symptoms and ocd. They also share similar biological and neurological causes.

amother

NeonPink

Thu, Sep 29 2022, 5:58 pm

synthy wrote:

I wonder if the throat clearing is a tic. Some of what you write sounds very much like pandas. 5 is a very common age for pandas onset. There is a tremendous amount of overlap between pandas and asd.