Question I’m curious about

Inner Beauty

Thu, May 04 2023, 11:17 pm

If H’ created attraction between males and females so that we should get married, but He doesn’t want us to have relationships with other men besides our husband, why did He create us in such a way that we get attracted to other males besides our husband? Shouldn’t it be that once we get married, we have no desire for any other male? I’m just curious about this. I wonder what any of you think.

realsilver

Thu, May 04 2023, 11:19 pm

Inner Beauty wrote:

good question.
the same reason he created us with any nisayon! That's our job in this world... to work on ourselves.

healthymom1

Thu, May 04 2023, 11:26 pm

I honestly have 0 attraction to other men. Like I can see someone is attractive, but I don’t want them to touch me or me touch them.
DH wasn’t my “perfect” looking guy when I met him but he’s grown on me tremendously and idk no one could replace everything he is to me.

But then again I wasn’t one to really crush on boys so much.

Inner Beauty

Thu, May 04 2023, 11:27 pm

realsilver wrote:

good question.
the same reason he created us with any nisayon! That's our job in this world... to work on ourselves.

Yes, but it’s a global נסיון. Not one that’s personal to me. If H’ wanted me to work on things, He can give me personal נסיונות. This is something that everyone struggles with. Every male and every female is attracted to the other gender. If H’ didn’t want anyone to be unfaithful, why would He implant within us this desire?
Btw, thank you for answering.
I hear what you’re saying, and it helps to an extent. I’m just still wondering.

happy7

Thu, May 04 2023, 11:29 pm

healthymom1 wrote:

Same! I’m not attracted to men in a physical way. But, I am very attached to my husband, who is not a good looking man- but is an amazing human.

Inner Beauty

Thu, May 04 2023, 11:30 pm

healthymom1 wrote:

You’re so lucky. I wish I didn’t have a desire for any other men.

Inner Beauty

Thu, May 04 2023, 11:31 pm

happy7 wrote:

Same! I’m not attracted to men in a physical way. But, I am very attached to my husband, who is not a good looking man- but is an amazing human.

That’s amazing. And wonderful. Good for you.

bigsis144

Thu, May 04 2023, 11:36 pm

Every person is born a selfish child who doesn’t like to share.

Some people never grow out of it - it’s not just maturity that makes that go away.

—

Middos literally mean “measurements” because different people struggle with them to different extents.

I think lust is as much as middah as jealousy or laziness or gossipy-ness…

—

I think you’re getting stuck on simply finding other people attractive to be in a different category of nisayon.

BrisketBoss

Thu, May 04 2023, 11:48 pm

אלא שאלולי יצר הרע, לא בנה אדם בית, ולא נשא אשה, ולא הוליד, ולא נשא ונתן.

Maybe Hashem thought it would be more interesting that way. I agree.

SG18

Fri, May 05 2023, 5:48 am

I can find other men good-looking and still not desire intimacy with men other than my husband.
It does seem like this is a personal struggle for some people, not a global one.

Just like some people struggle with hair covering and some don't, some people struggle with not eating milk and meat and some don't...

Iymnok

Fri, May 05 2023, 5:57 am

The gemara discusses this.
When chazal killed the taava for Avoda Zara, they tried to also kill the taava for golus arayos. For three days chickens didn’t lay eggs. So they asked for it back.
We need this desire in the world, we just need to use our sechel to make the right choices.

PinkFridge

Fri, May 05 2023, 9:57 am

If someone is getting too attracted to other men, it might be time to figure out why. Is it more than the aesthetics? How can one find one's husband attractive even if he doesn't have the 6 pack abs or head of hair?
(BTW, sometimes those men still produce beautiful handsome kids.)

shabbatiscoming

Fri, May 05 2023, 10:01 am

Inner Beauty wrote:

Being attracted to and having a desire for another man are two different things.
One can find someone handsome, even afrer they get married. That doesnt mean they desire that person.

It doesnt have to be a bad thing to find someone attractive. As long as there is no action connected to that.

zaq

Fri, May 05 2023, 12:53 pm

You could ask the same question about anything. Why did He create us with desire for anything we shouldn't have? Because if we have no desire, like angels, we would also have no choice. And having a choice but resisting temptation is what being Torah observant is about. If we had no taavah, what would be the point of having mitzvot? We'd all be Stepford wives.

YounginBP

Fri, May 05 2023, 1:00 pm

Iymnok wrote:

.

This is so interesting! Thank you for sharing.
We didn't learn that in school Wink

BH Yom Yom

Fri, May 05 2023, 1:04 pm

There’s a spectrum of z-xuality. A lot of people fall into the category of demisexual, meaning they are only physically attracted to someone once they have a strong emotional bond with them (and if there is physical chemistry).