Male coworkers, do you use first names?

amother

Thu, May 11 2023, 3:51 pm

I’m working side by side with a new,
frum, male coworker. Idk what to call him! He’s my age so I feel funny saying “Mr” or “rb” (not sure if rb is appropriate since he’s coming out of Kollel), or by his first name ??? What do you do in your workplace?

amother

Poppy

Thu, May 11 2023, 3:53 pm

Is it a frum environment?
If yes then do whatever is expected
If not then first name

BusyMama1

Thu, May 11 2023, 3:53 pm

We call by first names but the men are all kind of the managers and older.

What did he introduce as? What does he call you?

amother

Brunette

Thu, May 11 2023, 3:54 pm

Calling Mr keeps the relationship businesslike and professional.
But this depends on the environment.

amother

Dustypink

Thu, May 11 2023, 3:57 pm

in my office (everyone is frum), we address each other by first names. we once had a chassidish co-worker who couldnt believe that were so friendly as to be on a first name basis. its not halacha, its more cultural.

amother

Maple

Thu, May 11 2023, 3:59 pm

For the frum coworkers we say Mister last name, non jewish we use first names

amother

Snapdragon

Thu, May 11 2023, 4:00 pm

We have work names we call each other by. It is somehow less personal and more formal.

shabbatiscoming

Thu, May 11 2023, 4:02 pm

Frum or not, its always first names.
The only time it was mr so snd so was ehen I worked in a charedi company.

amother

DarkKhaki

Thu, May 11 2023, 4:05 pm

amother Maple wrote:

For the frum coworkers we say Mister last name, non jewish we use first names

Are they different levels? Do the non Jewish coworkers think it is weird to call the frum ones Mr., do they think it is cultural , or do they feel disrespected?

amother

Blonde

Thu, May 11 2023, 4:09 pm

First names.
I am in Israel and although I am charedi, albeit on the more modern side, my male co workers are dati leumi. Anything other than first names would just be weird.

amother

Thu, May 11 2023, 4:15 pm

BusyMama1 wrote:

We call by first names but the men are all kind of the managers and older.

What did he introduce as? What does he call you?

he has only emailed me so far as “Mrs..” but signs his name as first name. Haven’t had an in person interaction yet that required names.
It’s a totally frum environment. The other men are rabbis so that’s easy. He will be first non-rabbi

BusyMama1

Thu, May 11 2023, 4:16 pm

amother OP wrote:

If he emailed as Mrs. then he will probably being calling you that. Then you should probably not call by first name

amother

Orange

Thu, May 11 2023, 4:42 pm

If he signed his email with his first name it means that’s what he prefers to be called. If you feel more comfortable calling him something else that’s another question.

amother

Aster

Thu, May 11 2023, 5:00 pm

First names. We work on projects all day long, calling by last name makes it feel very stiff and awkward.
Regular frum, and BH we keep it friendly but we are not friends.

amother

Bergamot

Thu, May 11 2023, 5:09 pm

amother Orange wrote:

If he signed his email with his first name it means that’s what he prefers to be called. If you feel more comfortable calling him something else that’s another question.

I would do this bc I’d feel weird signing myself as “Mrs” but I’d prefer to be CALLED Mrs.

amother

Thu, May 11 2023, 5:13 pm

Ah so many conflicting answers lol 🙈 . I think if he calls me Mrs… in person then I should call him Mr but it feels so weird. I associate “Mr” with someone older than me.

amother

Brunette

Thu, May 11 2023, 5:26 pm

amother Aster wrote:

First names. We work on projects all day long, calling by last name makes it feel very stiff and awkward.
Regular frum, and BH we keep it friendly but we are not friends.

I'd rather be stiff and awkward with male co-workers, than friendly. I've seen way too many friendly relationships that have become too friendly.
I also don't text male co workers ever.

NotInNJMommy

Thu, May 11 2023, 5:39 pm

I would call him by what he signs his emails as. If you would prefer to be called by your first name, I suggest both signing your emails accordingly as well as letting him know you prefer it.

amother

Thu, May 11 2023, 6:18 pm

Would it make it more awkward if I just ask him what her prefers I call him?

NotInNJMommy

Thu, May 11 2023, 6:24 pm

amother OP wrote:

Would it make it more awkward if I just ask him what her prefers I call him?

I think that would be fine. We do that in my secular workplace quite often especially if their first name is one that can have different nicknames etc.