Am I overthinking? BIL wiping toddlers bottom

amother

Mon, Jun 26 2023, 1:03 am

My 3 yo went to go play at her cousin. BIL was alone with the kids (which was fine, his DD was there so not yichud) and I trust and respect BIL 100%

But 3 YO made #2 while there and couldn't wipe herself. BIL wasn't going to let her sit in it obviously and put on gloves and wiped her.

I'm totally not upset at BIL. What else could he do. It was really my fault for not anticipating. But should I not let 3 YO go play if BIL is there alone with the kids so this doesn't happen in the future? Or am I over reacting? If BIL was a SIL I'd be fine with it.

Genius

Mon, Jun 26 2023, 1:05 am

Overreacting. Why would he not wipe her? He sounds like a decent human and responsible adult.

amother

Mon, Jun 26 2023, 1:06 am

Genius wrote:

Overreacting. Why would he not wipe her? He sounds like a decent human and responsible adult.

Again I'm not upset at BIL. He is an amazing human and a great father and uncle. More worried about if I'm setting up DD for a tznius problem by letting her go play when just BIL there of she can't wipe herself.

amother

Quince

Mon, Jun 26 2023, 1:07 am

amother OP wrote:

What do you want him to do? Would you want him to call you to come over?

amother

Mon, Jun 26 2023, 1:09 am

amother Quince wrote:

What do you want him to do? Would you want him to call you to come over?

No of course not. BIL definitely did the right thing. Did I make a mistake by letting her go when she can't clean herself and only a man was there to clean her?

amother

Poinsettia

Mon, Jun 26 2023, 1:09 am

Overreacting.
My 21 year old brother was babysitting my kids today because I had to run to an appointment and the 2.5 year needed help wiping. My brother called me to ask what to do so I said wipe her tush please!

amother

Snow

Mon, Jun 26 2023, 1:12 am

So if your 3yo nephew was at your house you wouldn't wipe them?

This age needs help.

amother

Eggplant

Mon, Jun 26 2023, 1:12 am

You'd take her to a male pediatrician.

You'd never blink if she went to a male OB. (You might even use one yourself.)

BIL wiping her after using the bathroom is even less problematic than the above scenarios. No tznius issue at all.

amother

Mon, Jun 26 2023, 1:23 am

amother Snow wrote:

So if your 3yo nephew was at your house you wouldn't wipe them?

This age needs help.

I guess it's in my head because I've wiped other little boys (nephews, friend's kids whatever) countless times if their parents aren't around and didn't think twice about it so it's really no different if BIL wipes my daughter

Thank you everyone I feel better

amother

PlumPink

Mon, Jun 26 2023, 2:21 am

If you had a 6 year old who still needed help wiping, having him do it might be a problem, but not a 3 year old

imaima

Mon, Jun 26 2023, 3:20 am

amother OP wrote:

She is so young
You have no reason to be upset at your BIL, it’s not even a question. If you worry about such things, it’s on you not to send her there. But what he did is a responsible thing to do

a2z

Mon, Jun 26 2023, 4:49 am

amother Snow wrote:

So if your 3yo nephew was at your house you wouldn't wipe them?

This age needs help.

I understand that her problem is that halacha is 3 yo girl & 13 boy versus 9 yo boy and 12 girl so a 3 yo boy is not a problem in this equation

amother

Goldenrod

Mon, Jun 26 2023, 6:10 am

amother OP wrote:

Agree

You are not saying something is wrong just that you are uncomfortable with it.

Do that with which you are comfortable.

amother

Mon, Jun 26 2023, 11:17 am

Iymnok wrote:

Your BIL sounds like a responsible person.

He's really a mensch

amother

Mon, Jun 26 2023, 11:19 am

a2z wrote:

I understand that her problem is that halacha is 3 yo girl & 13 boy versus 9 yo boy and 12 girl so a 3 yo boy is not a problem in this equation

Yes exactly. But if it's the same halachically as taking her to a male Dr I guess I'm overthinking?