I feel a bit bad to inconvenience people

juggling

Tue, Aug 01 2023, 6:35 am

amother Sienna wrote:

What about the kid who hasnultie allergies but can have peanuts. Now his one good lunch option of peanut butter is eliminated. Going peanut free isn’t simple and is often unnecessary

Yes! Kids can be allergic to so many things. Who decided an absolutist peanut-free policy is the best way to protect kids? And what about the kid who's allergic to milk, eggs, etc., but not peanuts? Especially if there isn't even a child in the class with peanut allergies. Why?

At some point awareness of peanut allergies took off and created a lot of damaging misinformation about allergies, in general.

juggling

Tue, Aug 01 2023, 6:39 am

amother Amaryllis wrote:

I think there’s a balance. Asking to knock out one food is reasonable. Insisting every kid in daycare is on your kids safe diet is not. (I don’t even do that at home!). One option is for allergy parent to send in safe snacks. My kid has a wheat allergy. She LOVES cereal. a lot of cereal has wheat in it, but she thinks of cereal as a safe food, because plenty are, and might eat it off the floor. Therefore , I send in a few boxes of safe cereals and morah gives out cereals my kid can also have.

I actually had a nightmare at one point that a new kid came into my daughters class next year and asked for it to be legume free. My daughter is on a super restricted diet, and her food is about 70% legume based.

I assume with a wheat allergy you aren't asking the whole class to never send in bread? Even that one ingredient would create quite a challenge for many of the other kids.

amother

Amaryllis

Tue, Aug 01 2023, 6:40 am

juggling wrote:

I know in my house I’m more careful about peanuts than let’s say wheat (my daughter is allergic to both) because pb tends to stick to their hands and faces and then onto toys. I only let me kids eat it if I’m around to wash their hands and face after. I feel the same way about scrambled eggs and don’t serve those either.

juggling

Tue, Aug 01 2023, 6:48 am

amother Amaryllis wrote:

Okay, but then it's less about the peanuts, and more about how they're used.

I actually am totally okay with peanut butter (maybe less so for small children) because I find it's relatively easy to contain. As opposed to bamba, which crumbles all over fingers, faces, shirts, and into the air. I'd feel the same way about cheese doodles, I suppose, but those aren't common where I live.

amother

Amaryllis

Tue, Aug 01 2023, 7:26 am

juggling wrote:

I assume with a wheat allergy you aren't asking the whole class to never send in bread? Even that one ingredient would create quite a challenge for many of the other kids.

Correct, because my daughter knows she can’t have bread. Just cereal is hard because regular cheerios are safe but generics aren’t and they look the same.

amother

Chestnut

Tue, Aug 01 2023, 7:51 am

juggling wrote:

Death by peanuts via anaphylactic shock is a real thing, and happens quickly.

juggling

Tue, Aug 01 2023, 10:04 am

amother Chestnut wrote:

Death by peanuts via anaphylactic shock is a real thing, and happens quickly.

Can you show me statistics to support that peanut allergies are more deathly than any other allergy? I don't believe that there's data to support that assertion, but I could be wrong.

I'm active in a lot of allergy parent forums. I've heard of many incidents involving death or near-death reactions from a variety of allergens. Dairy is actually a really common one that I've seen. Dairy can easily hide in many presumably dairy-free foods, and, like I said, I've heard of plenty of incidents where dairy caused dangerous reactions. Yet I don't hear of anyone advocating for dairy-free spaces.

amother

Cinnamon

Tue, Aug 01 2023, 10:33 am

juggling wrote:

My son's cheider is dairy free completely after they had a child collapse and stop breathing before hatzala could get there due to touching a tap that another child had touched after eating dairy.

juggling

Tue, Aug 01 2023, 10:51 am

amother Cinnamon wrote:

My son's cheider is dairy free completely after they had a child collapse and stop breathing before hatzala could get there due to touching a tap that another child had touched after eating dairy.

I think you kind of proved my point. In general people are quick to ban peanuts because "peanut allergy can be life-threatening", without realizing that other allergens (that are usually not subject to bans) can be just as life-threatening.

There is a big push for peanut-free zones, even when there is no allergic child in the specific class.

If there is a medical need to ban an allergen, any allergen, then people should do what they need to do. But the outright bans on peanuts, versus any other allergen is not, as far as I'm aware, backed by science.

newinbp

Tue, Aug 01 2023, 10:57 am

amother OP wrote:

We just joined a playgroup and because of my kid, the camp now has to be peanut free. I know it's standard but it still makes me feel bad tp be putting people out.

I think it's become so standard now for places to be peanut free, I don't even blink. It happens to be your place doesn't automatically have that rule so they put it in place because of you, but it's becoming the norm everywhere if that helps you feel less self conscious. Hatzlacha with your child and have a healthy fun safe summer Smile

amother

Tue, Aug 01 2023, 11:13 am

This thread is very validating for me. Thank you to all the mothers out there who are sharing their experiences and advice. It's good to tall to other mothers who are going through the same thing.

I have 7 kids and this is my only allergy child. He also has pretty bad eczema and the beginning of asthma. So I feel like I'm wading in unfamiliar waters.

My son often has reactions that we can't explain. Not so severe that I have to give the epipen, but enough to warrant benadryl and close supervision.

I don't feel comfortable leaving him with anyone else just in case something happens. And anytime I get a call from his morah during playgroup hours, my heart skips a beat. I am not an anxious type of person, so this is new for me.

I don't know if this is something I will ever get used to.

One mother said that today they don't require you to go to the hospital after the epipen injection. Is that true? I have not heard that.

amother

Tue, Aug 01 2023, 11:17 am

Also, I have had quite a few playgroups and camps who didn't agree to take my son due to his allergies. I dont blame them. But it did make it harder to find a place for him.

He now goes to a camp where the morah is an adult who took a course for her job as a preschool morah. There are other adults in the camp as well. I showed her how to use the epipen and gave her a list of reactions to look out for.

goodmorning

Tue, Aug 01 2023, 11:21 am

juggling wrote:

Actually, there was a study done a few years ago that suggests that the best option is to allow peanuts in school but to have designated peanut-free tables.

https://www.jacionline.org/article/S0091-6749(17)30472-4/fulltext

juggling

Tue, Aug 01 2023, 11:25 am

amother OP wrote:

I don't know the laws where you are, and I probably wouldn't want to force my child into a playgroup that isn't comfortable handling their medical issues, but are they allowed to discriminate against a child with a medical condition?

In Israel that isn't allowed, at least not in a public gan.

Side point: In Israel the government gives a disability stipend to kids with anaphylactic allergies, due to the assumption that they need more supervision than other kids. The government also provides an aide for a certain number of weekly hours for young children with allergies.

And, yet, if the aide isn't there the gan isn't allowed to refuse the child entry.

In any case, I totally understand your hesitation to send your child to a gan that isn't comfortable handling their allergies. I would hesitate, as well.

amother

Tue, Aug 01 2023, 11:32 am

juggling wrote:

I don't send to a public place, more like a heimish situation. That's what I did with all my other kids.
For the summer I always sent my little kids to a backyard daycamp run by teenage girls. With my allergic kid, the teenagers were not comfortable, and honestly, I probably should never have asked.
But there's an older woman who runs a playgroup who said she couldn't do it because she once years ago had a story where a kid had a terrible allergic reaction and she was too traumatized from that. She wasn't willing to take the achrayus. I understood her and don't fault her.

juggling

Tue, Aug 01 2023, 12:04 pm

amother OP wrote:

Totally reasonable.

amother

DarkYellow

Tue, Aug 01 2023, 12:04 pm

We've been on both sides of the coin, so I know how you feel. You should never feel bad inconveniencing people to save your child's life. What's needed for that varies by the severity of the allergy, doctor's recommendations, child's age, child's level of responsibility, so it isn't always the same across the board. But whatever is needed to keep your child safe and alive is the right thing to do and you should actually feel confident and proud for advocating for your child.

amother

Eggshell

Tue, Aug 01 2023, 1:01 pm

amother Foxglove wrote:

Why don't you send in treats that he can have?

When it was appropriate to do so, I did. Unfortunately many times it was not, and many times I was not informed about events beforehand. If a rebbi decides to surprise his class with donuts on the first day of chanukah and doesn't let me know about it, my son is sitting there while everyone else is eating donuts. When he brings in danishes to reward the boys for their learning and doesn't let me know about it, my son is sitting there while everyone else is eating danishes. Sometimes a rebbi gives him a can of coke or a candy instead. Just a couple of examples, of which we have many.

juggling

Tue, Aug 01 2023, 1:17 pm

amother Eggshell wrote:

I so relate! This happens to my daughter regularly, the school or camp decides to treat everyone as a surprise, with something she can't have, and she just gets nothing. Or the occasional random substitute that they offer.

When she was younger I had a box of safe treats that I kept at her gan, so they always had something to offer her.

It really stinks when everyone else gets pizza and my daughter gets nothing. If I know about it in advance I try to send her an appropriate replacement treat, like a hot dog.

amother

Firethorn

Tue, Aug 01 2023, 1:38 pm

amother OP wrote:

We just joined a playgroup and because of my kid, the camp now has to be peanut free. I know it's standard but it still makes me feel bad tp be putting people out.

I'm sad for my kid that he can't bring peanut butter sandwiches anymore - that is his favorite kind of sandwich.

I'm glad he's learning now, not through me, that his preferences and tastes take a backseat to other people's lives. It's important that kids understand that *want* and *need* are different, and that what I *want* isn't as important as protecting other people's *lives*.

Especially after covid, I think this is such an important lesson. Far too many people prioritized their own convenience over other people's health and lives.

So thank you for giving the child's entire playgroup, and their parents, the opportunity to practice this skill and learn what really matters. Thank you for sticking up for what your child needs, and not being ashamed to ask for it. Thank you for helping parents and kids think out of the box and find other tasty foods to eat that are safe for everyone. Thank you for expanding the kids' palates and horizons. Thank you for giving all the parents an opportunity to teach a little bit of real-life science. And thank you also for understanding that it's not a simple request, even if it's a necessary request. That balance is so important.