I feel a bit bad to inconvenience people

juggling

Mon, Jul 31 2023, 11:16 am

amother Foxglove wrote:

I'm wondering why you're differentiating peanuts from the other allergies if they are equally severe? And if his allergist doesn't think you need to worry about airborne for any of them?

If a child is allergic to a food even when airborne, of course the school/camp needs to accommodate and there's no reason to feel guilty. But if they just can't eat it, seems uncalled for to ask the whole group to go peanut free. Do you take him other places where people around him might be eating peanuts?

I agree with this, as a parent of kids with multiple non-airborne allergies. I don't ever tell other parents what to put in their own kid's lunches. My allergic child needs to know how to navigate the real world, which is not allergen-free.

I actually think it's not in the child's best interest to differentiate between different allergens, unless one is much more severe.

It's also not in the child's best interest to have their friends and teachers think it's okay if it's "just eggs" as long as it isn't peanuts.

NotInNJMommy

Mon, Jul 31 2023, 11:41 am

amother OP wrote:

Well guess what? I arrived at the playgroup today and I immediately saw a bag of Bamba in someone's lunch.
People who don't have kids with allergies don't always think about it.

They do in facilities who actually have this policy and enforce it. (Speaking as a parent bh of no children with nut allergies who had to do a little extra planning around lunches, snacks, and bday treats)

amother

Almond

Mon, Jul 31 2023, 11:50 am

amother OP wrote:

I don't know if he is anaphylactic to being near peanuts. His allergist doesn't believe that food allergens are airborne at all, aside from cooking fish. But I know many people disagree with that. There are a lot of differing opinions on the subject of allergies which makes it all so confusing.

Meanwhile, we have all the foods in the house, aside from Peanuts. He knows not to eat them.
But I still worry about sending him to school and eventually camp. I don't know how people do it.

I'm confused.

Does your allergist think he needs to be in a peanut free environment?

amother

Mon, Jul 31 2023, 11:56 am

amother Almond wrote:

I'm confused.

Does your allergist think he needs to be in a peanut free environment?

I discussed this with him when my child was not yet 2.
He said he should be in a peanut free environment but did not think it necessary for the playgroup be dairy free.
I haven't been to him for a while (we are overdue). I need to ask him again if we need a peanut free environment.

out-of-towner

Mon, Jul 31 2023, 9:12 pm

The only thing that I would request of a parent of a child with allergies is that if it's expected that my child brings something in for the whole class then please let us know WHAT specific items are safe for your child. My DC once had a kid in his class with multiple severe allergies and the morah requested someone to bring in sandwich cookies as a Shabbos party treat. The parent of the kid with allergies was asked what specific brand of sandwich cookies was okay and said parent didn't give a straight answer, which was frustrating because I wanted to be able to accommodate. (Yes, I'm now aware that Oreos are allergen free, but there was an issue of Pas Yisrael as well.)

amother

Broom

Mon, Jul 31 2023, 9:15 pm

amother Pumpkin wrote:

Peanut free is pretty standard in many schools now a days. My kids preschool also doesn't allow things that contain traces. Not for any specific child but it's a large enough school that it's the overall policy. It's annoying but at this point in history it's so accepted I wouldn't feel bad as the parent.

Yeah the may contain traces never made sense to me. Literally everyone's home may contain traces so technically the tupperware, utensils etc.. they are bringing from home are not okay anyways. But I for sure understand that actual nuts should not be brought in with a child who is allergic.

amother

Eggshell

Mon, Jul 31 2023, 9:19 pm

I hope the world is kind to your son. My highly allergic child is a teenage and has experienced so many disappointments over the years. Lots and lots and lots of school parties, birthday parties, graduation parties, siyumim and just random occasions when people celebrate with food and he is excluded. He swallows it all quietly and I'm sure it's building his character. Hashem gave him this challenge in life, and I know it could be a lot worse. But it hurts a mother to see her child suffering in any way, especially when the school doesn't make any effort to accommodate.

amother

Foxglove

Mon, Jul 31 2023, 9:47 pm

amother Eggshell wrote:

Why don't you send in treats that he can have?

amother

Mon, Jul 31 2023, 9:55 pm

amother Eggshell wrote:

He's only three and already he feels excluded. He used to not care, or at least didn't express any disappointment but lately that changed. He started asking for eggs and chocolate milk that he could have. I went out of my way to buy the egg free eggs and pizza cheese to make him parve pizza, parve ice cream, but so far he hasn't liked anything. He takes one nibble and spits it out.

amother

Moonstone

Mon, Jul 31 2023, 10:14 pm

amother OP wrote:

As a mom of an allergic kid- this is outdated information. There is new research out there.
While your kids shouldn’t eat the food they’re allergic to, they absolutely should be exposed to it. Do you ever take him to a store? A restaurant? A park? A bakery??
Our allergist told us to expose to the allergens as much as possible without hurting her.
Since it’s not possible to keep your child away from peanuts forever, he should be exposed in healthy safe ways.
Btw, epipen rules changed. You no longer have to call 911 if the epipen stopped the anaphylaxis. So if cv my kid has a reaction, I give one epipen, and the symptoms clear up, and we move on with life.

Boca00

Mon, Jul 31 2023, 10:15 pm

Allergies are hard and it’s a big responsibility. My son has a few allergies and HAS reacted to his allergens being in the room, and I personally know other people who have as well.

One of his allergies are to sesame. When the camp was making a bbq I asked if there were sesame on the buns and there were. I told them I’ll buy new buns and I ordered 200 buns without sesame. (Camp ended up reimbursing me which was very kind and I didn’t expect them to.)

Your first priority is to your son and his safety. It’s very nice that you don’t want to inconvenience anyone but your son’s safety comes first. Anything he can’t be around really can’t be in the room. All teachers need to be aware of his allergies and trained in using an epipen. Please discuss with your allergist if the daycare should be dairy-free as well.

There are tons of snacks that are peanut-free, it’s really such a normal request in a school or daycare setting!

amother

Broom

Mon, Jul 31 2023, 10:29 pm

Boca00 wrote:

I understand how careful you have to be with allergies and I really sympathise with those who have food allergies. The only issue with this request is that the daycare would then be nut, peanut, dairy free etc.. etc... Where does it end? You could unfortunately have a child or multiple children in school with allergies to many different foods. You can't ban all of them.

Edited to add that I do believe nursery/schools should be nut and peanut free always.

seeker

Mon, Jul 31 2023, 10:43 pm

amother Broom wrote:

I think it comes down to practical considerations. Dairy, wheat, and eggs are all major staples of a first world western diet. So even though these are common allergies, with sincere apologies if you have this allergy you will have to eat in a separate location, send a shadow to preschool, etc. You can ask for accommodations such as having all the kids wash their hands after snacks and meals before going back to shared materials but beyond that you're not going to get a dairy or wheat free school because it's just not practical.

But it's very possible and not all that difficult to construct a diet without peanuts or tree nuts. Certainly for just school hours. Find me the kid who is so sensory that literally the only thing you can send him for lunch is nuts. If such a kid exists and is in the same class as the kid who's allergic to nuts then you'll have to work it out somehow but I still think the kid who could literally die from exposure wins over the kid who will go a few hours without his food of choice (though maybe they can have him eat his nuts in the office or something under supervision and wash up after)

BH Yom Yom

Tue, Aug 01 2023, 1:15 am

In case this is helpful to any moms or kids with allergies, there’s an allergy-safe website, called No Whey! that has some really good candies and other treats. They are free of the top 9 most common allergens, and their chocolates are really really good, at least the ones that I’ve tried.

https://nowheychocolate.com/

amother

Cinnamon

Tue, Aug 01 2023, 3:33 am

It's a tough call. I really admire you for the way you are bringing him up to take care.

My son's preschool was nut free, dairy free, egg free and fish free this year. As the mother of a very sensory, picky kid, it was a nightmare. He came home starving every day - to the point where the last hour of the day the teacher kept complaining he was tired. And the allergic kid wasn't even in his class! As soon as he ate, he picked up. he ate breakfast at home in the morning but we really struggled with food for school. I wish they could have taken a shadow for the one kid who needed it and not put 120 kids into a very challenging situation. I got to the point where, yes, I train my kids to be kind, to think about others and their friend who can't eat all sorts of things and it was my son who insisted on bringing a gluten free snack for the siyum for a celiac friend whose allergies are not taken into account but when it gets to the point where my kid is starving it's gone too far.

NB I have 3 kids with severe allergies - they all know not to eat anything without checking the ingredients.

amother

Amaryllis

Tue, Aug 01 2023, 6:29 am

I think there’s a balance. Asking to knock out one food is reasonable. Insisting every kid in daycare is on your kids safe diet is not. (I don’t even do that at home!). One option is for allergy parent to send in safe snacks. My kid has a wheat allergy. She LOVES cereal. a lot of cereal has wheat in it, but she thinks of cereal as a safe food, because plenty are, and might eat it off the floor. Therefore , I send in a few boxes of safe cereals and morah gives out cereals my kid can also have.

I actually had a nightmare at one point that a new kid came into my daughters class next year and asked for it to be legume free. My daughter is on a super restricted diet, and her food is about 70% legume based.

juggling

Tue, Aug 01 2023, 6:32 am

amother Cinnamon wrote:

This, so much! Schools think they're being responsible by banning allergens, but it's honestly a lazy, heavy-handed approach that doesn't take everyone's needs into account. And is totally unnecessary.