Truth about daycare - what do you think?

amother

Thu, Aug 17 2023, 4:46 pm

I just watched this talk and what she's saying makes so much sense. But when you have a bigger family ka"h staying home with your babies is going to be a lot more than a few years. Thoughts?

amother

Lawngreen

Thu, Aug 17 2023, 4:52 pm

who is this woman? I’m not seeing a name

Eta I found her. I see (not surprisingly) that she and I don’t see eye to eye politically so it’s not surprising that we would have different views about daycare. I’m a thrilled and proud daycare mom. But I’m also moderately liberal and a feminist, 2 things she’s not

amother

Cornsilk

Thu, Aug 17 2023, 4:59 pm

I didn’t watch the video.
My gut tells me the best for my baby is home with me and when I a, not available I wish it could be relatives with whom he’s very familiar.
That’s ideal to me.
Practical? No.

amother

Aubergine

Thu, Aug 17 2023, 5:01 pm

Home school for elementary and high school is ideal too. Yet most people can’t do it. A one working household is ideal too. Alas we don’t live in a society where these things are possible all the time.

amother

Raspberry

Thu, Aug 17 2023, 5:02 pm

I believe kids do really well with other kids and have a lot more stimulation with less effort. Otoh, kids do amazing home if mommy is planning stimulating activities and playing with the kids. At home though, the kids don’t learn to get along with others as well as if they go out. Maybe kids with a lot of siblings, it’s different.

amother

Cornsilk

Thu, Aug 17 2023, 5:43 pm

amother Aubergine wrote:

I don’t see it the same as a baby in its first year to be with mom. In theory thr daycare workers can be the trusted care givers but that makes me sad.

amother

Seashell

Thu, Aug 17 2023, 6:25 pm

amother Raspberry wrote:

I think it depends on age. I sent out my first at 18 months and she loved it, I didn't want to but had no choice. My youngest left at 2.5 and I wasn't doing anything specific with him before but he played and helped etc. I don't think kids that age need activities.
During covid my 5 year old was busy all day. He had one zoom class a week and the rest of the time played and played
I wish I could keep my kids home

amother

Thu, Aug 17 2023, 7:28 pm

amother Seashell wrote:

I don't. My kids are home this week and it's exhausting.

I feel bad that I don't want it ...

amother

Oleander

Thu, Aug 17 2023, 7:44 pm

I only watched part of it. One problem with her presentation is she quotes a psychologist who said this and that and someone else who said this and that. You can always find a "medical" professional to back up what you say because there are thousands and thousands of studies out there and so many viewpoints. It's impossible to know if her "proofs" are really proofs at all.

Ultimately, there are plenty of young adults who had been in daycare since the age of 6 weeks and many are well adjusted and very close to their parents.

Signed, someone whose kids are all adults and was always a full time SAHM.

amother

Thu, Aug 17 2023, 7:49 pm

amother Oleander wrote:

Really good point.

I also think daycare quality makes a big difference and she didn't touch on that at all.

shabbatiscoming

Fri, Aug 18 2023, 12:16 am

I couldnt watch past a few minutes. Not every family is able to have a parent at home. In today's world, many families NEED both parents to be working out of the house. Its not always choice to have your children in day care.
And its very unfair for someone to come and put down all of the hard working parents out there that are doing so so that their children have what they need to live.

smss

Fri, Aug 18 2023, 12:18 am

shabbatiscoming wrote:

This.
I don't love daycare.
I think it's cruel to make a whole video declaring it damaging when for so many parents (myself included) it's a necessity.

amother

Snow

Fri, Aug 18 2023, 1:57 am

I believe it's best for babies and toddlers to be looked after by mom but at the same time is great for them to be seeing other children too. Therefore I take my children to mom and baby groups and children centers a few times a week

amother

Natural

Fri, Aug 18 2023, 2:17 am

If you want to make a video about the advantages of breastfeeding, go for it.

But even though there are advantages, PLEASE don't make a video about how terrible formula is. Even if it is not the superior option, for most moms using formula THERE ARE NO OPTIONS. And formula is a wonderful way to make sure babies are fed properly.

If you want to make a video about how good it is for a baby's development to be home with mom, that's fine.

But please do not make a video like this, putting down daycare! Most mothers sending their children to daycare are doing so because they need to to work and they need their child to be cared for. And quality daycare is an excellent way to do so.

Mommy wars and holier than thou attitudes are unfair and counterproductive. We can do better.

becksters

Fri, Aug 18 2023, 4:21 am

The other thing that this brings up for me when we are talking about ideals is that the way our lives are structured in the modern world aren’t ideal either (in my opinion). We are so isolated in our homes, living such independent lives- I remember when my oldest two were babies and I stayed home with them. It was such a beautiful time. I had a schedule, we went out every day to do activities, and I had a lot of enjoyment being with them and spending that quality time with them. I was also extremely lonely and felt depleted at the end of the day and didn’t have the energy to take care of my own social needs.
When I think about being a sahm, I think about a community of women and children because everyone is doing it together. Grandparents and family meme era who are living close by also and all work together to prepare meals, errands, and playing with/caring for/teaching the children. It takes a village- it’s about raising the child, but it’s also for the moms so they aren’t alone.
I chose to go back to work with my third, and it was hard. But emotionally, I was in a better place because of it.

NotInNJMommy

Fri, Aug 18 2023, 4:32 am

If I didn't have to work, my kids would never be at daycare, day camp/camp, etc., certainly not when very young. As it is, I rarely got babysitters outside of daycare for the last 15 years or so because my priority is being with my kids as much as I can and having a family who lives in our home--not just shows up to eat, shower, and sleep and we don't have lechatchila plans of sending kids away for school or young kids to sleep away camp. Yes I work full time, and they've spent much of their waking hours at daycare or school, but I do my hishtadlus to care for them by working and to care for them by prioritizing them when I'm not working.

I don't get babysitters to go out on non work days or at night. I suppose if I needed one for mikvah, I'd get one, but bh I never have.

I know many seem to think I don't care if my kids need babysitters, etc. because I've worked full time for years. The reality is I care very much and parnossah is something I have to do---and I say no to nearly everything else in my life to be there for my kids instead of getting babysitters.

thegiver

Fri, Aug 18 2023, 4:41 am

I believe every child would prefer being close to their mother to any stimulation up until age 3. Sure maybe there are exceptions but being around you IS stimulating. You role model so many things that you take for granted.

Trademark

Fri, Aug 18 2023, 5:31 am

shabbatiscoming wrote:

Especially in the US where there is no maternity leave.

#BestBubby

Fri, Aug 18 2023, 5:32 am

If we could lower our standard of living, it would be possible.

But that can only happen if we do that collectively.

Otherwise our kids would be social pariah.

Like bare bones simchas,
no vacations,
No seminary,
Eliminate day camp except for 1/2 day for boys,
No sunday clubs,
no matching- wear hand me downs,
No expensive sheitels
costume jewelry
No cleaning help, and no homework, kids clean

amother

Papayawhip

Fri, Aug 18 2023, 5:40 am

Ahhhhhh love this!!! And I love myself for leaving work and staying home with my fourth and fifth. Dh makes very little but with hashems help were managing bh. Love love love being home with my babies.