Truth about daycare - what do you think?

amother

Papayawhip

Fri, Aug 18 2023, 8:45 am

#BestBubby wrote:

If we could lower our standard of living, it would be possible.

But that can only happen if we do that collectively.

Otherwise our kids would be social pariah.

Like bare bones simchas,
no vacations,
No seminary,
Eliminate day camp except for 1/2 day for boys,
No sunday clubs,
no matching- wear hand me downs,
No expensive sheitels
costume jewelry
No cleaning help, and no homework, kids clean

Vacation is 1 night hotel in Lancaster.
Seminary they can work and Save up
Sahms can do camp mommy
My kids are home Sundays
My kids get new clothes which they pick out themselves and don't match
Wigs once every few years
Kallah jewelry is what I live on
Cleaning help is a must for everyone including sahms
I have tons of patience for homework because I know I have time for myself also

My kids are very confident and well adjusted and popular bh. Obviously we all have issues but its doable

amother

Mimosa

Fri, Aug 18 2023, 8:46 am

amother Aubergine wrote:

Home school for elementary and high school is ideal too. Yet most people can’t do it. A one working household is ideal too. Alas we don’t live in a society where these things are possible all the time.

True. But we have actively made it harder for our community. By encouraging the kollel lifestyle for the masses, the dh is unable to contribute much financially in those crucial first years of when the baby is young. If a dh supports a family from the start, there is a significantly greater chance that the mom would have a choice to stay home with the kids. Expenses are lower when the kids are younger, so mom would be able to work less. And in the later years, dh would have had an opportunity to gain financial footing, and possibly bring him in a higher income.

It is us who have sidelined our children's needs. We've messed up the priorities and heightened the financial stress in our communities.

shabbatiscoming

Fri, Aug 18 2023, 8:46 am

Trademark wrote:

Especially in the US where there is no maternity leave.

Not sure what no mayernity leave has to do with what I wrote.
2 parents needung to wotk is a global thing really.

amother

Pewter

Fri, Aug 18 2023, 8:53 am

I think we can admit that situations are not ideal without getting offended, even if we have no easy options. Awareness is a good thing. We can also think about ways in which societal setups and expectations play into this non ideal arrangement. Instead of throwing our hands up and saying, no choice whatsoever. Or even worse, insisting it's just fine.

Same with formula. For whoever brought that up.

amother

Phlox

Fri, Aug 18 2023, 8:53 am

shabbatiscoming wrote:

Not sure what no mayernity leave has to do with what I wrote.
2 parents needung to wotk is a global thing really.

Yes but in countries with maternity leave the mother can stay home longer, sometimes even though full year, with her baby. I don't think anyone is going to pretend that sending a baby out to daycare at 6 weeks is ideal. But it's the reality for most Frum American mothers. (Even though NJ technically provides several months of maternity leave, most Frum women can't access it.)

Trademark

Fri, Aug 18 2023, 8:56 am

shabbatiscoming wrote:

Not sure what no mayernity leave has to do with what I wrote.
2 parents needung to wotk is a global thing really.

Maternity leave allows the mother to take off some time from work and be at home with the baby.

Maybe not until they're 5, but better than nothing.

amother

Floralwhite

Fri, Aug 18 2023, 9:14 am

#BestBubby wrote:

I’ve done bare bones simchas, no vacations, not old enough to send to seminary yet, no Sunday clubs, clothing is all from Target, Chidren’s place or Carters sales or gifts, no sheitel, no jewelry, no cleaning help. And we still need two incomes to be comfortable!

#BestBubby

Fri, Aug 18 2023, 9:17 am

shabbatiscoming wrote:

Not sure what no mayernity leave has to do with what I wrote.
2 parents needung to wotk is a global thing really.

And yet humanity survived nearly 6000 years
With mothers raising their own children.

Yes, globalist elite caused this "new normal"

To destroy the family, kids raised by government controlled workers (vouchers, public school)
not their parents.

shabbatiscoming

Fri, Aug 18 2023, 9:20 am

#BestBubby wrote:

I live in israel. And here no government controlled workers 🤦‍♀️ are minding little kids.
Im not going to agree with your assessment. I think its ridiculous.

amother

Phlox

Fri, Aug 18 2023, 9:20 am

#BestBubby wrote:

Also, the number of children dying from malnutrition and exposure (cold) has shot down at the same time. What a curiosity.

#BestBubby

Fri, Aug 18 2023, 9:23 am

amother Papayawhip wrote:

Seminary they can work and Save up

No parents paying for weddings.

Girls work during and after HS to save up.

Boys work bein hazmanim to save up.

A gmach loan for couple to help pay

For very bare bone wedding and apt set up.

amother

Cyclamen

Fri, Aug 18 2023, 9:24 am

#BestBubby wrote:

No parents paying for weddings.

Girls work during and after HS to save up.

Boys work bein hazmanim to save up.

A gmach loan for couple to help pay

For very bare bone wedding and apt set up.

I wouldn't want to send my kids off into marriage carrying debt already.

#BestBubby

Fri, Aug 18 2023, 9:25 am

amother Phlox wrote:

Also, the number of children dying from malnutrition and exposure (cold) has shot down at the same time. What a curiosity.

In USA 1940s 50s 60s

Kids weren't dying of malnutrition and cold.

#BestBubby

Fri, Aug 18 2023, 9:27 am

amother Cyclamen wrote:

I wouldn't want to send my kids off into marriage carrying debt already.

It would be $10k or less

And couples would not have to pay for TEN
Weddings

And go bankrupt.

Only have to pay for ONE cheap wedding.

juggling

Fri, Aug 18 2023, 9:30 am

shabbatiscoming wrote:

I live in israel. And here no government controlled workers 🤦‍♀️ are minding little kids.
Im not going to agree with your assessment. I think its ridiculous.

I'm not sure what that phrase "government controlled workers" is supposed to mean. It doesn't sound very nice. But in Israel lots of people send to public daycares and those parents have very little (if any) input into who is minding their children.

shabbatiscoming

Fri, Aug 18 2023, 9:32 am

juggling wrote:

Of course. But thats not the way bestbubby meant it, I think. I DID put it in quotations.

amother

Lightcyan

Fri, Aug 18 2023, 9:40 am

#BestBubby wrote:

Yes. They didn't have to pay tuition, And food was a lot cheaper, and they didn't pay sky high insurance or medical costs- the kids just died if they got sick.

#BestBubby

Fri, Aug 18 2023, 9:42 am

amother Seashell wrote:

I think it depends on age. I sent out my first at 18 months and she loved it, I didn't want to but had no choice.

There could be a 4 Mom merry go round

Where toddlers play together for a few hours a day

With different moms taking turns.

amother

Oleander

Fri, Aug 18 2023, 10:01 am

#BestBubby wrote:

Even with eliminating all these things (and I take the frugal choice in almost all of them) tuition alone is a deal breaker and prevents the one earner model from being a reality.

amother

Oleander

Fri, Aug 18 2023, 10:03 am

amother Papayawhip wrote:

Ahhhhhh love this!!! And I love myself for leaving work and staying home with my fourth and fifth. Dh makes very little but with hashems help were managing bh. Love love love being home with my babies.

Would you care to give examples of Hashem's help that allows you to manage on very little?