S/o that moment when

amother

Fri, Sep 01 2023, 4:38 pm

That other post just brought up for me how I used to pay my parents’ grocery bill. Half the time I wouldn’t even ask for money when doing the shabbos shopping and would just use babysitting money. They also “borrowed” my cash to pay the cleaning help. No, they haven’t paid me back.

amother

Snow

Fri, Sep 01 2023, 4:47 pm

My brother paid my mothers grocery bill and she had no idea. She always had the grocery write it down and he would go in every so often and pay the balance .

amother

Clover

Fri, Sep 01 2023, 4:51 pm

Ouch. That is so painful and so wrong.

It’s hard to believe that parents who do this to their kids are innocent in all other areas of parenting. Is that the case?

amother

NeonPink

Fri, Sep 01 2023, 5:02 pm

We started doing this for my parents once we finished college and started working. When we came home for shabbos or yt and picked up the x order on our way we paid for it or part of it. So I would pay for the meat order, one brother the fish order, one for wine order, etc. My parents were aware we were doing it, but did need the financial help and were comfortable with us helping out this way.

amother

Viola

Fri, Sep 01 2023, 5:06 pm

amother Clover wrote:

Ouch. That is so painful and so wrong.

It’s hard to believe that parents who do this to their kids are innocent in all other areas of parenting. Is that the case?

I think that's very harsh
You can be a good parent and be poor

amother

Fri, Sep 01 2023, 5:22 pm

I was in middle school and high school. They don’t even know about the grocery thing. The cleaning help they probably forgot about. They meant well but had their challenges.

amother

Holly

Fri, Sep 01 2023, 5:28 pm

amother Clover wrote:

Ouch. That is so painful and so wrong.

Why wrong? I don't take my kids money but I don't see anything wrong with a child helping their parents. It's probably more painful for the parent than the child.

amother

Springgreen

Fri, Sep 01 2023, 5:38 pm

My kids have zero clue about our financial situation. BH we are not poor but with the economy today and the exorbitant cost of living a frum lifestyle, our expenses are sky high. I use their money and plan to pay them back. I don’t feel the need to tell them. They’re just kids and there’s no need for them to feel anxious about money for even one second.

amother

Ebony

Fri, Sep 01 2023, 5:50 pm

amother Clover wrote:

Ouch. That is so painful and so wrong.

It’s hard to believe that parents who do this to their kids are innocent in all other areas of parenting. Is that the case?

Until very recent times, it was completely standard and normal for children to contribute to household expenses. The fact that it’s not standard now in Western culture, is no indication of any improvement in society. Different isn’t always better.

amother

Chambray

Fri, Sep 01 2023, 5:53 pm

My mother said it’s my life I should pay for my stuff, by my wedding, and as a teenager for clothing. She would probably like if I paid her back for my diapers she still complains how expensive they were. I didn’t cost anything growing up since they had Medicaid food stamps vouchers and section 8. My mother never worked.

I wouldn’t be resentful if there was no choice but people offered money and some of my friends used the hachnosas kallah organization but my parents refused to take help. I got married with $600 in the bank without a steady job and the money my parents got back from the other side (for stuff I paid but needs to be split) went to renovate their home.

amother

NeonBlue

Fri, Sep 01 2023, 7:00 pm

amother Springgreen wrote:

I would be extremely careful with this. I was giving my babysitting money, camp money, and bas mitzvah money to my father to put in my account. Although I am the type that even at 12 would have asked to look at it I trusted him. Then in HS I asked to see and he didn’t have. He “borrowed” it and never gave it back. Probably somewhere around 5-10k. I was and am very upset by it.

amother

Lightblue

Fri, Sep 01 2023, 8:52 pm

amother Chambray wrote:

This is so wrong. Did you ask for it?

amother

Lightblue

Fri, Sep 01 2023, 8:53 pm

amother OP wrote:

Sorry but cleaning help?
If you can't afford food, you can't afford cleaning help. It is one thing if you borrow until pay day and then repay. But to just take it?

amother

Butterscotch

Sat, Sep 02 2023, 8:16 pm

amother NeonPink wrote:

Am I supposed to continue to pick up the slack of the grocery bill because we can afford it when I have 20-somethings home not contributing? I don’t have debt, but they all have significant assets/savings from an inheritance. OP didn’t say how old she was when she helped out. Surely age makes a difference.

amother

Geranium

Sat, Sep 02 2023, 9:08 pm

Same. I was a young teen and parent used to borrow 250 every few week for a long time.
I worked odd jobs here and there so that I could have a bit of extras but my balance was always low because of the withdrawals
The are wonderful parents in other ways at least for that

amother

Melon

Sat, Sep 02 2023, 9:17 pm

My parents “borrowed” money from me and my siblings to pay the mortgage more times than they could keep track of, and we don’t expect to get it back.

It was a horrible fear to grow up with, the idea that we were the ones keeping our family from losing our house. We are all scarred as adults.

amother

Springgreen

Sat, Sep 02 2023, 9:36 pm

amother NeonBlue wrote:

The difference is that I do have more than that amount in savings and if needed can give it to them.

amother

Grape

Sat, Sep 02 2023, 9:51 pm

I also had parents who constantly "borrowed" our money. It's so wrong. If you need more money have less kids or get another job.

Cookin4days

Sat, Sep 02 2023, 9:55 pm

amother Springgreen wrote:

The difference is that I do have more than that amount in savings and if needed can give it to them.

So why take it?

amother

IndianRed

Sat, Sep 02 2023, 9:56 pm

amother Grape wrote:

I also had parents who constantly "borrowed" our money. It's so wrong. If you need more money have less kids or get another job.

What a brilliant idea! How can I have less kids than I already have? /sarcasm

Reality: We have no idea what will be tomorrow. Will DH strike it rich or lose his job? Will the price of food go up or down? Will real estate in our area soar or stay stable? Will our landlord evict us or will we get an unexpected yerusha and buy extra property? Will we lose food stamps or get section 8?

Since we have no idea we go according to Torah, which tells us that financial predictions are not a good reason to have or not have children.

(If your Daas Torah says otherwise, feel free to follow that ruling.)