Please help with screen time issues - my fault!

amother

Wed, Sep 06 2023, 8:06 pm

I cannot even believe this is my life. It's all my fault. My kids are addicted to screens. Officially it's only supposed to be Jewish videos but now it's already PBSkids shows. I need to stop it but I don't know how.
I don't have problems with the kids having some screen time. But it's gotten completely out of hand. Over the summer I got totally lax about it all because here I'll just say it, it's so much easier for me if they are on screens.
My kids are really challenging, they fight constantly and have many meltdowns, there is a lot of neurodivergence and over the summer and week between camp and school I just have in.
The thing is they are so bored after school. They do not play with each other. How many crafts am I expecting them to do? I have a house full of crafts and toys and games and none of them want to any of it. They do not really have neighbors to play with. They have no interest in playing outside. All the do indoors is fight.
So now what? Now I'm sick in my stomach by the addiction to screens, the amount of time on it and what they are watching. I want to scale it way way back but I'm dreading the pushback. I don't even know what to do, what is a normal amount of screen time?
Screen time is time at a computer watching stuff or playing games.

amother

Blueberry

Wed, Sep 06 2023, 8:19 pm

A friend recommended making a sort of chart with cards, one for each toy/game and attaching one activity to each day/time slot. Tell your kids before they can use a screen, need to do another activity, homework, be in pajamas, etc, then have a set time. Ive had success with timers or a smart switch on the plug so it goes off when time is up. If you do this, must warn beforehand because they will freak out if they had no warning.

giftedmom

Wed, Sep 06 2023, 8:20 pm

First thing you do is have compassion for yourself. Second thing is to at least only let them watch Jewish videos because wokeness is everywhere these days. Then you get through tishrei. It’s a hard month. Not the time for these battles.
After YT you can figure out strategies to slowly scale back and introduce alternatives.

Goody2shoes

Wed, Sep 06 2023, 8:24 pm

amother Blueberry wrote:

It's sad that we're up to here. I remember when toys and games were fun. Now we need to make charts to get our kids to play with them? They can only have screen time once they played with a sufficient amount of toys? Anyone gets the irony here?

amother

Wed, Sep 06 2023, 8:31 pm

My kids aren't interested in toys. They will play a game if I play with them. They fight too much to play games with each other. My 3 year old will only play if I play with him. Not near him, with him.
I have only one child who will play toys if pushed to.
Sometimes they'll do crafts. Not the 3 year old though.
Each child has an extra curriculum thing once a week.
It's just so draining to have to play with them and basically be an activity director every evening for hours.
I know the meltdowns will be hard. My bigger issue is how the screens came to be in the first place- they are bored. And bored kids are making trouble.
I like the idea of cutting down. How would that look? How much time?

amother

Blueberry

Wed, Sep 06 2023, 9:32 pm

Many devices have timers built in, for example tablets. We have a amazon tablet where you can set a kids profile, complete with how long they can use diff types of apps.

I'd say about an hour, give or take.

Do your kids have preferences with each other, can you pair them up? My older two have learned to play more fun games than the typical baby ones. My younger two like to throw toys around...

Maybe you can make a schedule like so. Totally making up times and stuff just ideas:

Everyone gets home by 3:00. From 3:00 to 3:15 you sit and eat a healthy snack and discuss how our day went.

315 to 4, everyone picks an activity from a chart to do alone or with a sib. Include books, games toys etc but no crafts or only mom time. Honestly I'd put a difficult 3 yo in for a nap if they have a late bedtime and I could swing it. Maybe this child you could start off for example give a puzzle and help find some pieces and then move on?

4 to 445 everyone helps clean up, ie everyone gets a toy, or a color, or 30 pieces to put away. Then do a project or go outside if weather is good. Project can be make a cake for shabbos, make edible play dough, make a picture out if popsicle sticks, etc.

445-515 Then pajamas and homework and showers.

Screentime while you prepare dinner

Dinner

My kids somehow magically aren't bored in the short time between dinner and bed and don't want to stop playing. If yours are bored it's a good time for reading stories or mess free games like charades, I spy.

The point in an activity chart is that kids have a hard time making a decision of what to do, so rather say they are bored. If there is a chart so they can see what they have done recently and what haven't used, they can remember oh yeah, haven't used my lego in ages and I love that!

amother

Crystal

Wed, Sep 06 2023, 9:59 pm

It’s easier to have zero screen time than to have even a little bit. It’s an addiction. The more they have , the more they want. Say your family is taking a break from screens for a bit, and stop completely. Instead of playing with toys at home, maybe start by taking them on outings like parks, play areas, malls…

amother

Wed, Sep 06 2023, 10:01 pm

There is a password but once I put it on it's on.
We do not have tablets or personal devices. We have 2 computers.
Our schedule is:
3 year old is home 3 pm.
The others are home 4:30ish unless they are at a lesson.
Supper is ready for the older kids arrival sometime between 430-5.
Homework is 20 min.
Then what?
Bedtime is at 7 for the younger ones and 8:30+ for the older ones.
The 3 year old is extremely mischievous and needs to be watched every second unless he is watching something. He only watches toveedo.
I have 2 older preteens, a 5.5 yr old (the only one who will play toys but she does not play nicely with the toddler) and the toddler. Do you see how the playing a toy or play together doesn't work?

I'm so ready to cut these stupid screens out but I need a plan so I don't pull my hair out and go right back to giving screens.

amother

Hyacinth

Wed, Sep 06 2023, 10:03 pm

I do believe in going cold turkey with screen time. They need to relearn how to entertain themselves without any screens. A small amount of screen time leaves them on edge & longing for more. The solution is not you entertaining them, rather let them be bored which will motivate them to seak out other activities.

Kids are so much calmer & happier without screens.

amother

Hyacinth

Wed, Sep 06 2023, 10:12 pm

amother OP wrote:

Reading & socializing (on phone) for the older ones? Maybe a daily chore. My kids that age do alot of listening & playing music, sometimes bop it & lego.

I would definitely cut screen time from the 3 year old. At that age it's downright harmful. I have an insanely active & dangerous toddler so I feel your pain but screen time is not on the radar.

yellowroses

Wed, Sep 06 2023, 10:14 pm

I really get you, my kids also loove watching movies.
Usually during vacation I get lax and let them watch almost every day, but during school year I only allow on Friday and Sunday. Friday I need to be able to get ready for shbs and on Sunday there’s no school. During the week there’s no screen time at all. Just like that.
You can explain your kids, that screens are really bad for their minds and they will be able to learn much better in school when they don’t have screen time.
Whenever they do beg for some screen time, kindly remind them that there’s only movies on Friday and Sunday.
You have to be really strong yourself, the kids will sense if you’re considering an exception. They have these extra special sensors 😆.
It will be reeeaally hard in the beginning, but with time they will learn to play again. Some kids are better at entertaining themselves than others, and they do have to learn how to play. Best teacher is boredom, boredom really helps kids develop their imagination.
Wishing you best of luck! Stay strong!
Ps: my son loves playing with playmobil.

amother

Wed, Sep 06 2023, 10:14 pm

amother Hyacinth wrote:

Here's the thing. I've done this before and my kids are not finding stuff to do they are fighting and whining. I need a better plan.
It's like people who say stop paying the bills your husband will step up to the plate and then he doesn't .......
I do agree that cold turkey is a better approach. At some point we had no screens on school nights only on Friday afternoon or Sunday afternoon. My weeknights were really difficult.

amother

Wed, Sep 06 2023, 10:19 pm

Forgot one detail that needs figuring out. My oldest has schoolwork that needs to be done on the computer. Sometimes I'll notice that she watches a clip of something or on Google chat with her friends in between. The other kids are really jealous that she gets screen time. The computer is in a central location so if I look I can see what's going on but I'm not watching every second.

Thanks all for ur ideas!