I’m losing it from their sleep habits

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Forum -> Parenting our children -> School age children

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amother

Wed, Sep 13 2023, 7:52 am

My kids are a disaster. They can’t fall asleep at night and then they are exhausted in the morning and can’t get up. They keep missing their bus which means my whole morning gets thrown off and me or my husband is late to work as their school is a 20 mon drive away. I also have preschool/toddlers that have later drop off/carpool times. And a baby.. the thing is they can’t fall asleep at night! It’s not that they aren’t going to bed on time it’s that they don’t actually fall asleep until sooo late. Last night my 11 year old didn’t fall asleep until 11:30. The 8 year old fell asleep maybe at 10. This morning once again they were crying and crying how tired they were. The days they do make the bus it’s a mad dash and then they go without eating breakfast and I feel terribly guilty. This isn’t working. I really don’t want to resort to melatonin (I’ve never used with any kids ) but I’m at my wits end.

behappy2

Wed, Sep 13 2023, 7:57 am

Are they on devices at night?

Is your house hectic?

Do you have a good wind down routine?

Are all the lights on in the evening?

amother

Firebrick

Wed, Sep 13 2023, 7:59 am

Poor you! And them! Sleep is so essential!
Hire a sleep coach, they work with kids and families not just babies, and transform your life
Do what it takes
You need it
Hugs and hatzlocha

amother

Wed, Sep 13 2023, 8:00 am

Are they on devices at night?
No

Is your house hectic?
No

Do you have a good wind down routine?
Nothing really.. they a little old for that no? I take them to bed staggered and tuck them in close the lights. They like to read a drop in bed

Are all the lights on in the evening?
Not really

amother

Wed, Sep 13 2023, 8:01 am

amother Firebrick wrote:

Poor you! And them! Sleep is so essential!
Hire a sleep coach, they work with kids and families not just babies, and transform your life
Do what it takes
You need it
Hugs and hatzlocha

Thanks definitely cannot afford that right now.. what would a sleep coach do for kids this age.

behappy2

Wed, Sep 13 2023, 8:10 am

amother OP wrote:

Dimming or shutting lights can be very helpful. It confuses the body to have bright lights on in the evening.

I don't think they are too old for a wind down routine. Some ppl need a bath to relax or kids can enjoy being read to at any age. I still read to my 13 year old. Kids can enjoy a massage, a song etc..

There are vitamins, essential oils, herbs etc.. I'm not super experienced with that.

amother

Lotus

Wed, Sep 13 2023, 8:16 am

This is a real legitimate use of melatonin - I feel like so many people overuse it it gets a bad rep but I would try it for 3/4 days just to break the overtired cycle.

amother

Pink

Wed, Sep 13 2023, 8:19 am

I'm going to insane from my kid too. Right now it's 1 in particular. I'm literally begging Hashem to help this child get up and get to school. He's old enough that he's sabotaging himself. It's horrible and it starts with not going to sleep on time. It's Soooo frustrating it literally makes me cry. It's so disfunctional!

amother

Steel

Wed, Sep 13 2023, 8:38 am

amother OP wrote:

I could have written this post!!!
Except I do have one kid who falls asleep easily, my 6 year old. The rest are complete disasters, they’ll go to bed on time at about 7:45/8 and read a bit but they will literally not fall asleep until 10:30 or 11.
They themselves hate it! We’ve tried melatonin, which helps, but we don’t like to give often because it can really mess with them. We only give it when their running on so little sleep that they seem to be coming down with something or are acting insane

amother

Periwinkle

Wed, Sep 13 2023, 8:50 am

Dim lights in evening and or use blue light blocking glasses and red lamps
Magnesium footsoaks or mag lotion for everyone
Gaba
L theanine
Oral magnesium throughout the day
Sleepy from bioray
Methylated b vitamins in the morning
Lemon balm
Clean diet — food dyes, msg, sugar and inflammatory foods will over excite the nervous system

amother

Calendula

Wed, Sep 13 2023, 8:56 am

My kids are like that, too. They fall asleep between 10:00 to 11:00 pm. And have a very hard time getting up at 07:00 in the morning, naturally.
Dh and I are now fighting to bring their bedtime forwards minute by minute, but they fight back by claiming to be suddenly terribly thirsty or hungry or to need the toilet or to need to check their bags or whatever it takes to get out of bed again. And they bring up these deep questions about life and the universe davka at that time.
It's sooo frustrating! At wits end

amother

Wed, Sep 13 2023, 9:00 am

They themselves are frustrated. They want to fall asleep earlier it’s just not happening.

amother

Yolk

Wed, Sep 13 2023, 9:29 am

Try a weighted blanket. My son was the same when he was 4 years old. He would toss and turn in bed for hours. With the blanket he was out in 20 min. Years later, my beis medresh son mentioned he has a hard time settling his brain down at night after learning all day, and couldn't fall asleep. We bought him a weighted blanket and he said he fell asleep quicker.

You need 10% of the kids weight up to 10% + 1 lb. For example a kid who weighs 80 lbs needs a blanket between 8-9 lbs.

amother

PlumPink

Wed, Sep 13 2023, 9:37 am

Just a word on melatonin. My SIL told me that she put a few of her kids on melatonin and then slowly lowered the dose so that at this point they are literally taking a tiny drop. They need it psychologically to fall asleep, but she's not worried about giving it long term because it's such a tiny amount. It's literally like a placebo but they cannot fall asleep without it.

Maybe you can try something like that.

amother

Gardenia

Wed, Sep 13 2023, 11:12 am

While you don't want to get them hooked on melatonin long term, it's useful to use for a few days just to Jumpstart a good rhythm. I use it for 3-4 days at a time specifically at times of schedule transition. So first week of school, and returning to school after sukkos, pesach, and winter break. It just gets them back onto a schedule and then they're able to fall asleep ok most of the time without any help between those times.

amother

Jasmine

Wed, Sep 13 2023, 11:14 am

Do they eat a lot of sugar?

amother

Jasmine

Wed, Sep 13 2023, 11:26 am

Also I’m super sensitive to caffeine even a drop can keep me up for hours. Are they drinking things with caffeine in it?

amother

Wed, Sep 13 2023, 11:36 am

amother Jasmine wrote:

Do they eat a lot of sugar?

Note an amount that I can cut back too much

amother

Wed, Sep 13 2023, 11:38 am

amother Jasmine wrote:

Also I’m super sensitive to caffeine even a drop can keep me up for hours. Are they drinking things with caffeine in it?

No. Never.

amother

Wed, Sep 13 2023, 11:38 am

amother Gardenia wrote:

I really want to leave this as a super last resort

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