I'm passive aggressive AMA

amother

Fri, Oct 06 2023, 12:05 pm

amother Burntblack wrote:

Can you give exampless?

If upset at someone it is very difficult for me to tell them straight up and I either keep the pain inside or feel the need to (unfortunately) get revenge by passively not doing good for them. So I might not answer their call for a week..

Unfortunately I will be honest that on this site I also at times have a passive aggressive personality. (But because people don't know me it's much less)

amother

Burntblack

Fri, Oct 06 2023, 12:14 pm

amother OP wrote:

Same as you!

amother

Burntblack

Fri, Oct 06 2023, 12:23 pm

amother OP wrote:

first or second paragraph?

Both

. I asked for examples because I get the statement sometimes from people that I'm great in being passive aggressive... When I'm hurt I sometimes can't express it so I'll talk and act like a hurt person. Not picking up phone is one of my ways, walking by the person but ignoring, and when I do have to talk it's much worse

amother

Fri, Oct 06 2023, 12:28 pm

amother Burntblack wrote:

Both

I feel for you. It's good to start working on it though if you can. The results will be more fulfilling. Guaranteed (I'm not fully there either)

amother

Fri, Oct 06 2023, 12:44 pm

amother Indigo wrote:

How are you working on yourself?

How do other people react to your passive aggressiveness?

Most people didn't pick it up (as far as I know) but I have had people pick it up. Very few people realize I am acting a bit strange and realize it's because they did xyz. But most live life worrying about themselves.
The way I worked on it is I sit down time to time and decide who do I really want to keep in my life as a friend and who not (meaning they get mad then I dont lose out) and with those people I decided to be straight up forward with them.
If the person is someone I want to keep it's a bit harder and I think 3 times if I should say something straight up to them. I have a fear they will not want to be my friend anymore with some so I still am in my tracks , but with those I know they would appreciate it I try to be straight up.

amother

Burntblack

Fri, Oct 06 2023, 12:49 pm

amother OP wrote:

I feel for you. It's good to start working on it though if you can. The results will be more fulfilling. Guaranteed (I'm not fully there either)

True. How do you treat your dh when upset? Please answer only if comfortable.
I find myself mostly by giving him a silent treatment Sad

amother

Fri, Oct 06 2023, 12:57 pm

amother Burntblack wrote:

True. How do you treat your dh when upset? Please answer only if comfortable.
I find myself mostly by giving him a silent treatment Sad

dh is very nice and kind and I am very comfortable telling him straight up. Also a husband is not someone who you need to please as you know each other well (unless in the dating stage)
But I would suggest you realize that assumingly he would want you to be straight up with him and that would be more effective for a marriage

amother

Fri, Oct 06 2023, 1:00 pm

amother Burntblack wrote:

True. How do you treat your dh when upset? Please answer only if comfortable.
I find myself mostly by giving him a silent treatment Sad

amother burnt black , if you don't mind me asking do you have fear of getting rejected?

amother

Burntblack

Fri, Oct 06 2023, 1:13 pm

amother OP wrote:

amother burnt black , if you don't mind me asking do you have fear of getting rejected?

Yes sure! I have HSP as well.
Passive aggressive behavior is mostly another symptom of anxiety or depression.
My real nature is being ultra open to people, but I'm rarely open- only when overtired maybe.
But with my dh I'll usually say what's bothering unless if he knows his mistake then I'll wait for him to come. After telling him, if he would just say sorry and move on then I'd get really upset and be quiet till he does something more. He's a easy nature and only thinks about the present, not the past and not the future... So his way is just sorry and next case, I want to fix the problem, do something it shouldn't happen again.

amother

Burntblack

Fri, Oct 06 2023, 1:18 pm

amother OP wrote:

amother burnt black , if you don't mind me asking do you have fear of getting rejected?

But isn't a fear of rejection totally something else then passive aggressive?
In social times I'll rarely go over to someone to start a talk, I'm waiting for people to come to me. Not because of being ashamed but because I don't know if they're really interested in talking to me. People say that before they knew me they viewed me as a snob

amother

Fri, Oct 06 2023, 1:20 pm

amother Burntblack wrote:

im not a therapist but I assumed you would be scared to tell your husband lest he tell he ignores you making you feel hurt or shrugging the problem making it too small...

amother

Burntblack

Fri, Oct 06 2023, 2:14 pm

amother OP wrote:

not sure what you mean.

I focused too much on myself without giving a chance for other's to ask

amother

Fri, Oct 06 2023, 2:32 pm

amother Burntblack wrote:

I focused too much on myself without giving a chance for other's to ask

nope not the case. If anyone else would want to ask they would.