Opting out of homework- 3rd grade

amother

Tue, Oct 24 2023, 9:13 pm

Homework has become a huge burden on my child. they only get home from school at 4:15 PM, need to wind down, have snack, have dinner, play and just decompress. they're in school all day! she recently said to me "mommy I don't want to go to school because I don't want to get homework". She wants to play with her younger siblings.

My question is, has anyone opted out of homework for their child successfully, and what does it mean socially for your child? I feel that's the only thing holding us back from doing this. Shes doing fine in school, does fine on exams, and I am not worried about her "falling back" I would do kriyah with her, but thats about the only thing I think is worth the pressures and stress of homework...

for reference: out of town regular orthodox day school

amother

Snowflake

Tue, Oct 24 2023, 9:35 pm

I'm a teacher

It won't impact her socially unless her teacher has lots of prizes or punishments for HW. (I don't, so it doesn't impact my students socially.)

If she's so ahead and not struggling, it will not impact her academically. (You'll have to keep reassessing how she's doing every few weeks because sometimes a kid can be doing find but then fall behind with specific skills.)

The only thing then that it will impact is her sense of taking responsibility and achrayus that she has to get things done even when she doesn't want to.

How much HW are we talking about? I'm assuming max 20 min kodesh and chol combined is assigned and a smart student takes much less time...

amother

Cyan

Tue, Oct 24 2023, 9:51 pm

amother Snowflake wrote:

20 minutes is a lot for a little kid. After sitting for 7 hours to sit for even 5 minutes more is very hard. A 3rd grader is still a little kid and by giving them hw when they get home as opposed to letting them play is doing more harm than good.

amother

Chartreuse

Tue, Oct 24 2023, 10:17 pm

I agree with the teacher about the taking responsibility piece. I honestly don't get why a 3rd grader that comes home from school at 4:15 can't do 20 minutes of HW? Especially if she's not a struggling student.
My second grader gets home close to 5:00. I mostly enjoy sitting down for a few minutes a night and doing Homework with her. I get to be a part of what she's learning in school.
On the other hand I have a sister that despises doing HW with her kids. She was a kid that hated homework assignments and it makes her blood boil.
I think it's the attitude towards HW more than anything else.

amother

Yarrow

Tue, Oct 24 2023, 10:19 pm

My 4th grader is extremely bright and doesn’t like doing homework but I encourage it because for life he needs to learn to take responsibility and sometimes do things that may not be fun. And also how to put in effort etc

amother

Tue, Oct 24 2023, 10:20 pm

amother Chartreuse wrote:

2 pages of math sheet, 20 mins reading and filling out form on what she learned, kriyah, vocab. It’s taking 40 mins minimum per night and that’s what the school says x10 for grade plus 10. If it were 20 mins trust me I would be fine with it and wouldn’t be having all these thoughts.

amother

Yarrow

Tue, Oct 24 2023, 10:21 pm

amother OP wrote:

That’s a lot of homework!
My son has 5 math examples, spelling, and review one page of chumash. If it was as long as your daughter I might rethink my policy!

amother

Snowflake

Tue, Oct 24 2023, 10:40 pm

amother OP wrote:

Sorry. That's insane.
I'm a teacher.
I teach half day and tell the kids that if my HW takes more than 10 min they should stop.

I think it should be max 10 min kodesh and max 10 20 min chol.
Why does the school have such a policy???

hodeez

Tue, Oct 24 2023, 10:44 pm

I have dialed back hw for my kids when I felt it was too much for them. I just added a note on the hw sheet saying we only did xyz bc that's what child could handle tonight. It was never an issue

mushkamothers

Tue, Oct 24 2023, 11:09 pm

amother Snowflake wrote:

Shes in 3rd grade.
Not in high school. She has her whole life to learn to be responsible.
She has one childhood and its right now.
All research shows that homework is ineffective at best, damaging at worst.
There is zero reason for her to be doing homework.
(PS I have a masters degree in education)

amother

Burntblack

Tue, Oct 24 2023, 11:17 pm

I hate hate hate homework (and btw I was a top straight A student who had no problem doing hw myself, for the poster who said it's related to that)

My third grader gets home at 5. He has been sitting all day since 9 in a stuffy classroom doing boring worksheets. All he wants to do is go to his room and PLAY. He gets so immersed in his cars and magantailes and it's so obvious that he is decompressing. Why should he have to stop to do more stupid worksheets?

Our kids have so little free time. Let then enjoy it.

And the whole "homework teaches responsibility" is so overrated. There are plenty of responsible adults who didnt do homework.

And btw I'm in the education field myself

amother

Tulip

Wed, Oct 25 2023, 4:06 am

I would opt out. That’s a ridiculous amount of work- it’s a whole nother period! I would just ask kid what they learned and like poster above said try and figure out a way to make sure they are keeping up.

gootlfriends

Wed, Oct 25 2023, 6:38 am

My rule is that if the kid struggles we give the assignment 10 minutes. That's it. My 2nd grader does most assignments in 5 minutes. If it takes longer I know we can't handle it and I write a note. He has spelling, math, reading, chumash and kriyah. Each takes 1-5 minutes. Reading is max 10.

SuperWify

Wed, Oct 25 2023, 7:41 am

I spoke to the teachers and told them we can do it once a week. My child can’t do homework after a whole day of school. We do it before bedtime and he’s happy to stay up a bit and do It.

mommyhood

Wed, Oct 25 2023, 8:39 am

amother OP wrote:

Wow that’s really excessive. I would set a timer for 10-15 minutes, do whatever she can fit in that time and then sign the homework sheet. I tell my kids that homework is important but the teachers don’t want them to suffer and the teacher trusts that mommy knows when it’s enough. I’m also not sure what 20 minutes of reading is but my kids read in bed so if a teacher required reading I just assumed that was covered by whatever the kids read over the course of that night.

Last edited by mommyhood on Wed, Oct 25 2023, 8:43 am; edited 2 times in total

amother

Wed, Oct 25 2023, 8:41 am

mommyhood wrote:

Wow that’s really excessive. I would set a timer for 10-15 minutes, do whatever she can fit in that time and then sign the homework sheet. I tell my kids that homework is important but the teachers don’t want them to suffer and they trust that mommy knows when it’s enough. I’m also not sure what 20 minutes of reading is but my kids read in bed so if a teacher required reading I just assumed that was covered by whatever the kids read over the course of that night.

Tried this. Is caused her major anxiety because she is a perfectionist.