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Forum -> Parenting our children -> Infants

Hard babies

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View latest: 24h 48h 72h

amother

Wed, Oct 25 2023, 11:46 am

I have hard babies.
There I said it. I admitted it. Crying

I really thought this time it would be different. Not my first. Or second. Or third....
I've learned so much from my previous babies. I was convinced that I could do this again using all my knowledge and it wouldn't be so bad.
Alas I was mistaken.
SHE CRIES ALL DAY.
Unless she is nursing or sometimes when she is held.
I cannot get a thing done.
The guilt is awful in either direction- letting her cry just to finish making supper. Or not making supper.
It's too much.
No advice necessary as I know it all and tried it all.
Thanks for listening.

amother

Tan

Wed, Oct 25 2023, 12:18 pm

I'm with you. Waiting for it to get better. My sanity is hiding somewhere.

amother

Forsythia

Wed, Oct 25 2023, 12:34 pm

It is only in hindsight that I'm realizing that my hard babies was actually my hidden postpartum depression and anxiety. Could that be true for you?

So sorry for you...& for baby

amother

Camellia

Wed, Oct 25 2023, 12:37 pm

Just a thought of one of my hard babies, he was nursing , but cldnt tolerate when I was on dairy, I went off and was the happiest child ever!

amother

Crystal

Wed, Oct 25 2023, 12:40 pm

My 2nd baby cried all day non stop, I was so traumatized & took BC for 7 years. The crying was ringing in my ears years afterwards. My neighbors remember the crying. I was finally ready to have a baby after 7 years, and that baby cried non stop & slept so poorly! It was traumatic. He's 4 years old & still wakes up several times in the night. I haven't gotten a decent night's sleep in over 4 years. Bh thank you hashem He's abnormally cute & lights up my life. It makes it easier to handle.

justforfun87

Wed, Oct 25 2023, 12:40 pm

Do babies let moms put them down?? I thought it was in normal range to have to hold baby all day every day for like the first 4 months.

amother

Forsythia

Wed, Oct 25 2023, 12:41 pm

& on top of my silent ppd baby had sensory issues, tongue tie, attachment issues my heart hurts thinking that babies don't cry for nothing

amother

Lightblue

Wed, Oct 25 2023, 12:45 pm

justforfun87 wrote:

Do babies let moms put them down?? I thought it was in normal range to have to hold baby all day every day for like the first 4 months.

Nope, all my babies were easy B"H. I really admire mother of hard babies. Don't know if I would be able to handle it. OP, your doing a great job given your circumstances. No advice, just hugs, admiration and sympathy.

amother

Purple

Wed, Oct 25 2023, 12:52 pm

All I want to say is HUGS AND HUGS!! My 2nd child was colic. I couldn't understand why he was always crying. He barely slept. Always always always cried. We did EVERYTHING. Took him to craniosaral, allergy testing, changed my diet, tried hypodensitive formula, herbal supplements, car rides, swings, special swaddles, check for tounge tie, took him to specialists. Mamash all of it. And nothing !! Just loads of experts telling me bh he's normal just colic.
To someone experiencing this- theres no such a thing as just colic. It's very very very traumatic . Let Me tell you - he was like this for months and still has an extremely personality tbh !!! And Dr's told me to just try and take a break and have someone watch him for part of the day. But I couldn't- the guilt was wrecking me. A mom who couldn't console her own child. No way would I leave him. Not for a minute. And so when I could I'd put him in the carrier and keep trying to make him stop or daven for his mini sleep to come so I can do something those few minutes. When he slept I set up set up specisl activities and time for my other child so he shouldn't feel neglected. I cooked whatever I could so no one would be hungry. My self care was negative the house was flying. But we got through. However I never really forgot and I made sure I was getting on bc for longer. He's a bracha and I love him fiercely but that was a very very difficult time in our lives. If I can help you somehow please let me know.

amother

Sienna

Wed, Oct 25 2023, 12:57 pm

I know you wrote you don't need advice. but if you didn't try probiotics please do. thank you

amother

Wed, Oct 25 2023, 1:19 pm

justforfun87 wrote:

Do babies let moms put them down?? I thought it was in normal range to have to hold baby all day every day for like the first 4 months.

Right, so my neighbor's baby just sits in the stroller happy, all day... while I'm holding mine while she's screaming.

amother

Wed, Oct 25 2023, 1:19 pm

amother Sienna wrote:

I know you wrote you don't need advice. but if you didn't try probiotics please do. thank you

For the baby or me?

lucky14

Wed, Oct 25 2023, 1:20 pm

justforfun87 wrote:

Do babies let moms put them down?? I thought it was in normal range to have to hold baby all day every day for like the first 4 months.

It sounds like the OPs baby is one of those that cries a lot even when they’re being held. That’s especially difficult. 🙁

Sorry OP. How long does this usually last based on your other kids? When can you expect some calmness?

lucky14

Wed, Oct 25 2023, 1:22 pm

amother OP wrote:

Right, so my neighbor's baby just sits in the stroller happy, all day... while I'm holding mine while she's screaming.

At least yours is getting some love and bonding being held 😁 (I joke but I really do know how maddening and hard it is to hold a baby who just will not calm).

amother

Offwhite

Wed, Oct 25 2023, 1:34 pm

My baby was like this for the first 6 months of his life. It was brutal. I didn't sleep for 6 months.
Now I am pregnant with my second and I am freaked out that I will go through it all again.

#BestBubby

Wed, Oct 25 2023, 1:42 pm

Hashem should repay your tzar giddel bonim

With loads of nachos.

Hazorim bdima, brina yiktzoro

They who plant weeping, will harvest with Joy!

amother

Purple

Wed, Oct 25 2023, 1:43 pm

Op do you live in bklyn?
Can I send you a meal or something?

#BestBubby

Wed, Oct 25 2023, 1:45 pm

amother OP wrote:

For the baby or me?

For baby. Helps digestion.

And immune system.

pause

Wed, Oct 25 2023, 1:59 pm

It's a personality. Also possibly sensitivity to dairy. Hugs! Nothing helps. You'll get through it.

scintilla

Wed, Oct 25 2023, 2:07 pm

I have the same and I strongly believe that they are highly sensitive individuals. I have done a lot of reading on the topic and it did help me emotionally, it was very validating to hear that their nervous system is literally more sensitive and therefore they are experiencing everything differently, it's not me doing something wrong that my baby needs me alllllll day long and as a toddler often as well!! It helped me have compassion for their incessant crying and see them as a sweet little thing that needs me to support them through this difficulty that they're experiencing.

I also found the following things helpful, not with every kid was I able to do it but it always helped:
- going off dairy and soy
- probiotics
- lots of skin to skin, baby wearing, cuddles (last one till they were older too, never worrying about babying them)
- craniosacral!!!
- lots of sensory experiences, free movement but free movement was just not possible with my most sensitive one, he needed to just be held
- getting support so I didn't go crazy, getting breaks, from my husband, hired help if necessary etc

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