Parody of shidduch resume - join in!

amother

Sun, Nov 05 2023, 3:27 pm

If I were being totally honest, here's what my resume would look like:

"I am fat, but so is my wallet. I have [xxxxxxx] dollars in assets, not counting my [xxxxxx]-dollar house. My credit score is well over 800. I won’t take just any guy. I want a religious guy who will respect me and love me and will move into my house in [Hotzeplotz], instead of expecting me to move somewhere else for him just because he's a man. I’m a red-blooded woman with a college degree who will provide love and satisfaction although I can’t keep house worth a darn. I am politically conservative and very pro-Israel. I’m not a social butterfly but have a few close friends. The guy who’s lucky enough to get me won’t get such a pretty face, but he’ll get a devoted companion in every sense. I love word games so it’s a plus if he’s a whiz at Wordle. But he’d better not be a sore loser or think that just because he’s a man he has to win. He’d better be healthy and cheerful and able to climb stairs and do handyman tasks in and around the house. And I want him to study Torah and attend minyan every day. If you want to be happy for the rest of your life, never make a pretty woman your wife!"

All in fun but lots of truth! Wish I could post this on a dating site! LOL