What should I do in this situation?

amother

Thu, Nov 09 2023, 11:04 am

My son is 14. When he was in elementary he was diagnosed with adhd. He was always yelled at by his rebbi for not sitting still and talking in class. The rebbi always made fun of him in front of the class.
In 8 grade he was kicked out of yeshiva right before Pesach.
Now when he meets some boys from his old class he gets embarrassed because they all went to top yeshivos and he is in a yeshiva for boys that have a hard time learning
Now to my question my husband arranged for a boy from a top mesivta to teach our son how to lein for Rosh chodesh and daven for the amid.
I just found out that it is one of the boys in his old class this boy wasn’t ones that bullied him but they aren’t great friends.
My husband arranged everything not knowing they know each other. My son has bad feelings towards his school the way they treated him.
I didn’t tell my son yet that this boy will be teaching him, I’m not sure if he will be happy about it.
My husband thinks that he will be ok with it and I think it’s a bad idea. We live close by to this boy and my son never wanted to go play with him.
My husband is very stubborn also has ADD and he is mad that I am messing all his arrangements up but I feel that our son won’t be happy about it.
Am I just being overly sensitive and just let things go and make my son go learn with this boy?

ShishKabob

Thu, Nov 09 2023, 11:07 am

Hugs! I think you should just let things go on their own, and see what happens. I don't think you will gain anything by putting it out there first. Your son is 14. If he doesn't want to continue he can tell you. He may be ok with it (you may not be ok with it ).
I think it's terrific that your son is learning to lein. It's an excellent thing to know and it's for sure great for his self esteem. Wonderful that your dh took the initiative. Hope it works out for the best!! You sound like a really good mother.

BatyaEsther

Thu, Nov 09 2023, 11:09 am

Your son is 14. Ask him.

He might say say the kid is smart and nice enough and it is fine. Maybe they will even develop a relationship and be good for each other.

Maybe your son will say no way, he is embarrassed and will resist learning as he is a peer yet not a friend and is uncomfortable and will resist accepting his guidance and learning from him.

It can go either way. Your son is not a baby. Ask him what he wants.

amother

Brickred

Thu, Nov 09 2023, 11:17 am

OMG! Don't spring it on him and then he has to deal with the fallout. OF COURSE tell him beforehand! Then he can decide if he wants this arrangement or not. He's a big kid already! He's way too old to be forced into tutoring without being consulted on it first.