Issues with going to the bathroom on time

amother

Sun, Nov 26 2023, 4:53 am

Since he was potty trained at almost three, my son (now age 7) has found it difficult to get to the bathroom on time. We have ruled out physical issues. It's for both pee and poop he would rather get a little bit damp or dirty than stop what he is doing to go to the bathroom. For pee he goes at the very last minute e.g after being damp, for poop he can hold it in for a very long time and just keep dirtying his underwear. He denies he needs when we gently remind him. If we keep pushing him it ends up a power struggle.

We have tried rewards (he sometimes manages until he gets the reward then back to square one), tried putting him in the bathroom at a set time (mixed results, doesn't always work with his schedule). We have tried taking him to a therapist but it's such an isolated issue and their advice didn't really work. He never wets at night, it's really just a daytime psychological issue. Apart from this he's a super happy kid, very active, he just gets so involved in what he is doing.

Has anyone had this and found a magic solution that worked well?

I would hope in the next few years he would be embarrassed by it and decide to go on time, but it hasn't happened yet.

amother

Cherry

Sun, Nov 26 2023, 5:46 am

My son is 9 now. When he was about your son's age, he used to dirty his underwear just about everyday. Same issue as your son, busy with what he's doing, then he'd run to the toilet. It would always get a bit dirty and once a week or so a bit more than a bit. But I never encouraged him to go at a certain time or anything- we had no power struggles and no issues with pee (except he'd get there too late to aim!!)

One day I asked him if he felt like the poop needed to come out before, or he really didn't feel it. I told him he's getting big and it's not so regular anymore like when potty training. So I said if he doesn't feel it, I'll take him to a doctor to get it checked out. B"H!!! he said no, no, it's fine. And from then he makes it to the toilet.

Like I said, it sounds like it's a bigger deal for your son. He really just doesn't care? Does he change after? Does he have a lot of friends? Sorry, I don't think this will be too helpful to you because you have spoken about it with your son. Good luck!

amother

Sun, Nov 26 2023, 6:05 am

amother Cherry wrote:

He changes if we tell him he needs to, or if he is going out somewhere. He does care about what people thinks but he thinks they won't notice. We had to speak about it just practically because we need to help him get cleaned up and also it's not healthy for him not to go to the bathroom so we'd have to persuade him to go and read for a while etc. just so he doesn't end up with a bigger issue.

He has friends bH. He never comes home from school dirty. Sometimes damp after the bus journey home (I guess he doesn't think about going to the bathroom before he gets on the bus and then it's too late and he can't go last minute). But I do think the issue isn't a big problem in school, just at home.

amother

Nemesia

Sun, Nov 26 2023, 7:29 am

Having it now with my 4 year old.
It's so hard not to get frustrated as it suddenly started.
BH he is young enough for bribes. I also wanted to check if it was medical but as soon as he started getting a small treat everytime he went for wet whilst staying dry that stopped.
For dirty I don't know if it's the present we have promised him if he manages to stay clean until Chanuka or if shortly after he started dirtying himself my other child had worms and I also gave him Vermox. It stopped the next day or 2.
Im wondering if the area was uncomfortable he wasn't noticing the difference between itchy and uncomfortable with and need to make.
I don't know if it's just in my head but the results were amazing.

amother

Steelblue

Sun, Nov 26 2023, 9:31 am

Sounds like constipation. For poop have him sit on the toilet after supper every day at the same time. He needs to sit for minimum half an hour. Have him read books, watch on a tablet, play games.. whatever works to keep him there. Once you get him on a set schedule it should get a lot better.

amother

Aubergine

Sun, Nov 26 2023, 11:13 am

amother Steelblue wrote:

I’m not sure where ur getting the half hour from. Ds went thru something very similar and a top GI told me not to let him sit on toilet for more than 5 min at a time. But absolutely no entertainment on the toilet for example no books, videos, gaming.. do it few times every day to get them used to sitting and feeling the reaction of their body. Eventually they will go to the bathroom and the more they become aware of the feeling the more comfortable they will be in going on their own. It is very very common but no one talks about it

amother

Steelblue

Sun, Nov 26 2023, 11:24 am

amother Aubergine wrote:

I’m getting it from tried and true methods. I know many people it worked for. Most GI doctors are useless about fixing the situation. Their advice tends to not help and they have a wait forever and hopefully one day it will magically fix itself approach. Doesn’t hurt to try this method that works for majority of people.

amother

Floralwhite

Sun, Nov 26 2023, 11:30 am

Hi. So my 5.5 yo is very similar.
She will get very busy playing and not go. She might even be wriggling around or hopping around but she will still deny that she needs to go.
Generally she can hold it in for ages so it isn't an issue of getting wet/dirty, just so hard to watch her wriggling around with a red face and refusing to go.
When the teacher mentioned the same happens in school, and she denied that she needs to go, I realized it can't go on. (She'd be MORTIFIED to have an accident in school)
So I started bribing her with something small EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. she goes.
Now I've just told her that she can get the treat if she goes to toilet without anyone telling her and without wriggling.
Let's see....
Oh, I should also mention that she's on the way to being evaluated for inattentive ADHD. Apparently not realizing the need is a thing of ADHD.

amother

Cherry

Sun, Nov 26 2023, 5:49 pm

amother OP wrote:

I just wanted to clarify I wasn't at all blaming you for the power struggle thing. I didn't consciously not make it a power struggle- it just didn't happen, probably based on my son's personality. I was just saying because you've been discussing it with him and it's been a big deal already, he probably won't just be like "Oh, okay" like my son was. Because he would have probably done that already... I would think.

Good luck OP, hope someone's advice here works! You have a kid who is big and doesn't seem to want to "sit on the toilet," so it sounds like you have your work cut out for you! Does he go for bribes, like 10 days going when you say and gets a prize? You could try to work more on the "other kids will notice" thing, especially as he gets bigger. Does he bathe every night? Does he resist that? Could you connect it to personal hygiene things we need to do, if that's what he considers bathing?