PSA: Not every protruding belly is a pregnant belly

amother

Wed, Dec 13 2023, 9:15 pm

And it's awful to be congratulated on your pregnancy when you're not.

I'm not pregnant. I just gained weight. But after a bunch of previous pregnancies, and major ab separation, I have a bigger middle than I'd like. I bumped in to a friend in the supermarket today and she told me she's so happy to see I'm having another baby. (In the donut aisle no less!!)

So this is a reminder
Never assume a person is pregnant. Even if they look like they're in their 9th month. If you don't know, don't comment.

Tao

Wed, Dec 13 2023, 9:19 pm

I wrote a similar thread a couple months ago! although happens to be I am pregnant, but I was very very early. I was able to see the humor in it. It's her problem for saying something, not mine for having a belly! Btw I've looked 5 months pregnant for years now, finally I actually AM almost 5 months pregnant - for a change! LOL

amother

Wed, Dec 13 2023, 9:23 pm

Tao wrote:

When you really are pregnant, you can find it funny. What if it's someone who isn't but wishes they were? What if it's someone who has a medical condition causing her to be bloated? I don't see any humor in it at all.

Tao

Wed, Dec 13 2023, 9:26 pm

amother OP wrote:

Relax, it happens to many people with a figure like mine Wink

I happened to meet this person when I actually was pregnant, I'm sure she'd have said the same a few months or years beforehand too. Thankfully most people have more tact!

amother

Midnight

Wed, Dec 13 2023, 9:27 pm

During a job interview once, the guy asked if this was gonna be my first and pointed to my stomach. I wasn’t pregnant. I was actually trying for a few years to get pregnant.. it was horrible.

Another time someone I hadn’t seen in a while told me congrats on finally getting pregnant. I had just had a miscarriage..

NEVER comment. I only say something if she tells me directly first. Or I hear news of a birth.

Tao

Wed, Dec 13 2023, 9:36 pm

amother Midnight wrote:

Idk somehow it being a guy makes it worse imo.....like ew why is he pointing that out. Unfortunately there will always be people out there commenting. I tend to just put people like that in their place. I don't like making people feel bad but seriously sometimes they walk right into it.
Also happens to be that I am big and it does bother me but somehow I don't really get upset at stupid comments. Someone once said something not very tactful about my size, I honestly didn't notice until my sister who was there with me said, "I can't believe she said that to you!" Meh, so she basically called me fat. I mean, I am. Like, it's not news. LOL

Congratulating someone on a pregnancy when you have no idea if they're atually pregnant is just socially off. Their problem, not yours.

amother

Wed, Dec 13 2023, 9:36 pm

Tao wrote:

Relax, it happens to many people with a figure like mine Wink

I happened to meet this person when I actually was pregnant, I'm sure she'd have said the same a few months or years beforehand too. Thankfully most people have more tact!

It can still be hurtful, even if it happens to many.
Telling me to relax is a little tone deaf to my hurt feelings today
I'll get over it
Maybe I'll laugh one day
But today it stung

Cheiny

Wed, Dec 13 2023, 9:38 pm

amother OP wrote:

Agree. The comparison is irrelevant.

Tao

Wed, Dec 13 2023, 9:41 pm

amother OP wrote:

It can still be hurtful, even if it happens to many.
Telling me to relax is a little tone deaf to my hurt feelings today
I'll get over it
Maybe I'll laugh one day
But today it stung

Sorry, I really didn't mean to be hurtful. By relax, I meant to say, I can relate, I've gotten those comments too.
I apologize if it came out hurtful. Also, we are all triggered by/sensitive to different things. Personally someone inappropriately commenting on my size doesn't bother me so much (maybe once you've been fat long enough you get used to it? Laugh

) . But I understand that people are different. I would get insulted from other things that maybe would not bother you. We're allowed!
My point is really that it's her issue for saying that. She probably feels so embarrassed, as she should!

amother

Magenta

Wed, Dec 13 2023, 9:47 pm

I have this all the time .

One time a sheitel macher was selling a sheitel to me and she tried it on me and said “You’ll see , after you give birth your face will slim down and it’ll look better ”. Um, I wasn’t pregnant and that face was my face .

I’ve had many times people stand up and offer me a seat thinking I’m I’m a pregnant lady .

Surrendered

Wed, Dec 13 2023, 10:47 pm

Ouch! I'm so sorry to all of you for getting such nasty comments.
I want to apologize to you, on behalf of all the insensitive people who hurt you.
You didn't deserve this.
I know this feeling firsthand. It's like a knife 🔪 into your heart.

amother

SandyBrown

Wed, Dec 13 2023, 11:01 pm

Yup I had a comment made to me while I was doing fertility treatments- and very much not pregnant.

I’m always bloated and always looking pregnant. And I noticed there are a lot of other women out there whose stomachs always look like that also. Do people not realize that?? Nope they obviously don’t.
This is one PSA that can never be said enough.
People teach your children so they will grow up and know that it is not an ok thing to ask and that just because someone’s stomach looks pregnant doesn’t mean she is….

amother

Winterberry

Thu, Dec 14 2023, 3:33 am

Ive wanyed to post this exact thing so many times.
I had adenomyosis. Its sort of like endonetriosis but in the lining of your uterus.
I always looked 6 months pregnant. It was awful. And I was not able to get pregnant.
And I know people that would look at my stomach, not me. It was terrible.

NechaMom

Thu, Dec 14 2023, 3:38 am

amother Magenta wrote:

This takes the cake! Hope you told her you’re not pregnant. Yes please never congratulate anyone unless they told you they’re pregnant. They might be bloated from meds or even donuts. They might be right after a miscarriage or on fertility drugs. Please have mercy. For more check SingleAgain’s sign!

amother

Nasturtium

Thu, Dec 14 2023, 5:19 am

My friend had to have her uterus removed a few years ago but she always looks 6 months pregnant because of the c-sections she had before her uterus was removed. It's so hurtful when people comment!

amother

Pistachio

Thu, Dec 14 2023, 7:01 am

I was once in shul when an older woman gave me a mazal tov on my 20+ pounds of post baby fat and unshapely c-section abdomen. I told her that I wasn't pregnant and she asked me TWICE more if I was sure. I held my tongue from saying something impertinent. Finally, I told her that we shouldn't be talking during davening and walked away. Lol.

kenz

Thu, Dec 14 2023, 7:11 am

amother OP wrote:

Because it’s not the slightest bit funny. I’m sorry, OP. That just sucks.