Would you vacation alone?

amother

Wallflower

Thu, Jan 25 2024, 6:41 pm

amother Opal wrote:

Omg. My whole post began after other poster quotes her husband. I went off that and was referring to that. My whole post was validation of her quoting her husband. Let's not overcomplicated and nitpick please

But she said that she wasn’t sure if true, or just something that her husband said. No one is nit picking. You literally said rabbis advise against it. I won’t ask you to name names, but do you know other rabbis, aside from your own, who you asked? I’m asking because I know people from all walks of life who go away for a few days vacation without their spouse.

amother

Cadetblue

Thu, Jan 25 2024, 9:13 pm

amother Wallflower wrote:

Your Rav is clearly not my husband’s rebbi. He takes the bochurim in the yeshiva on a trip a couple of times a year, as well as the married men. Anyone who wants to go can join, anyone who doesn’t want to can stay home. His wife also spends the summer in a bungalow colony, and he goes up on the weekends. Or does that not count?

No, that doesnt count. A man vacationing with his rebbe and yeshiva is not considered vacationing alone, and doesn’t have the same impact. A woman staying at the bungalow colony during the week surrounded by friends (and presumably her own children) is also not considered vacationing alone. It’s not the same.

I’m not against vacationing alone, I’ve done it and would do it again, I would not let my husband though and I happen to agree with what Opal is saying that there can be added temptation when no one is around to hold you accountable. It’s not that we’re animals, but in life we are tested and a lot of us, a lot of the times, fail those tests and give in to our yetzer hara. There is a reason we put up boundaries and fences, so we don’t get near the opportunity.

My rav happens to advise against spouses vacationing themselves, and no I won’t name him. If anyone is so curious about their ravs opinion, pick up the phone and ask

amother

Amaryllis

Thu, Jan 25 2024, 9:15 pm

amother OP wrote:

And what about Uber, is it safe to take Uber alone?

I fly, stay in hotels, and uber by myself several times a year for work. Totally safe (I dont go out to eat, I uber eats, call in kosher catering, or bring my own - though not for safety, just feel wierd to eat out by myself..... plus usually need to be on phine with kiddos in the evening).

Ive never "vacationed" by myself though. You need to know yourself if your the type. If the idea appeals to you then you probably are!

Go for it!

amother

Wallflower

Thu, Jan 25 2024, 9:21 pm

amother Cadetblue wrote:

I can understand why people say that going with a rebbi doesn’t count. But when the wife is in the bungalow or summer house all week, the husband is….home alone. When a woman goes away for a couple of days on vacation, her husband is (presumably) home with the kids, and vice versa if he goes away for a few days. One will be alone and one will be home. So I don’t understand why that’s not the same thing.

amother

Amaryllis

Thu, Jan 25 2024, 9:26 pm

amother OP wrote:

We stayed at Grand Beach several times already. It's the hotel I'm uncomfortable with. The staff knowing that I'm alone.....

So book your room for you and your husband..... theyll never know that hes not there.

amother

Cadetblue

Thu, Jan 25 2024, 10:42 pm

amother Wallflower wrote:

I wasn’t talking about the other spouse being home alone, I was responding how a woman in a bungalow colony with her kids surrounded by friends is not the same as someone who goes on vacation alone (regarding their own temptation, not the spouse staying home)

In the situation you describe though, the husband staying home while the wife is away.. it’s not the same as if he was in Miami or somewhere else for a couple days by himself. If he’s home during the week it’s to work, he is in his regular routine surrounded by his neighbors and in his community. I’m not saying there’s no opportunity to go out of his way to do something wrong, but it’s not the same temptation as being somewhere new/exotic, alone in a hotel room with no one who knows you..

amother

Thu, Jan 25 2024, 10:47 pm

amother Cadetblue wrote:

In the situation you describe though, the husband staying home while the wife is away.. it’s not the same as if he was in Miami or somewhere else for a couple days by himself. If he’s home during the week it’s to work, he is in his regular routine surrounded by his neighbors and in his community. I’m not saying there’s no opportunity to go out of his way to do something wrong, but it’s not the same temptation as being somewhere new/exotic, alone in a hotel room with no one who knows you..

I don't see any difference between a man being home alone for 10 weeks in the summer, to him being alone in Miami or elsewhere for afew days. If something is bad/worse, it's being home alone for the summer.
So many men travel for business often, I hope you don't think they're all up to no good.

amother

Black

Thu, Jan 25 2024, 10:51 pm

amother OP wrote:

I'm thinking of flying to Miami by myself for a couple of days. Is it a weird thing to do? Is it considered safe? I feel like I need some alone time with some good food & the beach. Is it a crazy idea? Would you do this? Have you done this?

Yes, I did exactly this myself twice about 10 years ago and was amazing! No way would I have had someone to go with and honestly, dealing with someone else takes away from the enjoyment bec like this I can do what I want when I want and have my own private room. However, it was nice to meet other frum women and just make small talk, even if I didn't know them at all. Def came back refreshed but have to be at the right stage to be able to do.

amother

Candycane

Fri, Jan 26 2024, 12:38 am

amother Cadetblue wrote:

So BH seems like most of us are not at all curious about our Rav's opinion on this.

I'm not curious about my Rav's opinion on a lot of other things too. This is not halachic and honestly not even hashkafic.

amother

Opal

Fri, Jan 26 2024, 2:09 am

amother Cadetblue wrote:

This. So well said