Family members of highly allergic kids please help

amother

Sun, Dec 31 2023, 2:07 pm

I really don't know what people do. My son is highly allergic to sesame and has reacted to being in the same room.
He's at the age where he is getting invited to bar mitzvahs, and we are invited to family simchas as well. Help me navigate this please.

Do I ask them to acommodate his allergies (no challahs with sesame, no chummus)? If yes, would you ask at a wedding, Shabbos sheva brachos, bar mitzvah, or only at a smaller event?

Do I make him miss everything? Only bring him after the food is over?

What do you do?

amother

Olive

Sun, Dec 31 2023, 2:40 pm

When it’s a close relative, you should ask them to avoid these things so he can attend. Otherwise, be prepared to skip it.

My nephew is highly allergic and we made sure that nothing he was allergic to was brought in to my son’s bar mitzvah. It was not easy, so please make sure to thank your kind relative when they do this.

For close family, please ask! Anyone else I wouldn’t

amother

Obsidian

Sun, Dec 31 2023, 3:42 pm

My son's also allergic to sesame. I've never asked anyone to accommodate him. His allergy is my problem, not theirs. I keep a very close eye on him and make sure he doesn't get near anything he can't have.

amother

Sun, Dec 31 2023, 3:43 pm

amother Obsidian wrote:

Has he reacted to being in the room?

amother

Sun, Dec 31 2023, 3:43 pm

amother Olive wrote:

Thanks! What about a close wedding?

amother

Sand

Sun, Dec 31 2023, 3:45 pm

amother Obsidian wrote:

That's not true when it's an airborne allergy. Otherwise, you eat before and it's not the end of the world. But if their sesame everywhere and you have in an airborne allergy, you're taking a risk.

I have seriously considered skipping family events after reactions. I've been too scared of the backlash to do it. But I really should put my child's health first.

Allergies are common but they are still very dangerous. And that means every time we go to a simcha we're taking a real risk.

amother

Obsidian

Sun, Dec 31 2023, 3:45 pm

Sesame isn't airborne reactive. Reacting from being in the room means he likely came into contact with it somehow. My son has had contact reactions and I watch him like a hawk to make sure he doesn't get near it.

I have another child who's airborne reactive to other foods and I've also never asked for accommodations for her. We've stayed outside weddings to keep her safe.

amother

Sand

Sun, Dec 31 2023, 3:47 pm

amother Obsidian wrote:

And you know that's sesame isn't airborne how? Care to enlighten me? My son has reacted in front of my eyes.

amother

Obsidian

Sun, Dec 31 2023, 3:50 pm

amother Sand wrote:

And you know that's sesame isn't airborne how? Care to enlighten me? My son has reacted in front of my eyes.

I'm not denying your son's reactions. I was at an international convention on food allergies, and one of the lectures was on which allergens are potentially airborne reactive and which are not. The professor said that an in-depth study of sesame proved that it's not airborne reactive, but often people think they've experienced an airborne reaction when it's actually from contact.

amother

Sand

Sun, Dec 31 2023, 3:53 pm

amother Obsidian wrote:

Okay. But even if it's not technically airborne doesn't do us any good when we were already super careful not to let him eat anything that could possibly have touched sesame (read: practically everything.) At the end of the day it wasn't safe for him to be in the hall.

But if I stop taking him to Simchos It will create a tremendous rift in the family. So I play with his life again and again and pray the medications keep working.

amother

Sun, Dec 31 2023, 4:05 pm

amother Obsidian wrote:

Interesting. He’s definitely reacted to being in the room even when it’s impossible he touched it. Ex in a big room my father in law uncovered a sesame challah and immediately across the room without seeing it he started feeling unwell. In a car when I opened a container of sesame chicken and he was in the back..

amother

Sun, Dec 31 2023, 4:06 pm

amother Obsidian wrote:

You go for chuppah and wait the rest outside? How does it work?

amother

Catmint

Sun, Dec 31 2023, 4:10 pm

My daughter is allergic to sesame too, notbthe extreme of your son but the allergist told me in my daughter's case that she won't react to a whole sesame even if she ingests it. If the seed passes through her system without breaking open nothing will happen. This is not to say she can eat it.
I assume it's across the board with sesame and the airborne reaction would be to an open seed - chummus, techina, halva etc and not to whole seeds on challa.

amother

Sand

Sun, Dec 31 2023, 4:11 pm

amother Catmint wrote:

This simply isn't true. I mean it's possible. But in a whole full of ten challahs per table, each covered in dozens of sesame seeds that are now flying everywhere and being touched by everyone, a reaction is 100% possible and even probable.

amother

Obsidian

Sun, Dec 31 2023, 4:30 pm

amother Catmint wrote:

It's true that whole sesame is much, much less potent than processed sesame. That doesn't mean it won't cause a reaction when ingested. With some people it will.

amother

Lotus

Sun, Dec 31 2023, 5:15 pm

I have a life threatening allergy to nuts as well as other allergies. I'm in Israel, everything has nuts here. Sometimes being in the same room is a problem (it probably isn't an airborne allergy, but some level of contact, even if I don't eat anything or touch anything, causes a reaction).

I sometimes go to simchas for parts where there is no food. If it is too much of a hassle, I just don't go. For close relatives/simchas, I will ask to be accommodated. If there is a caterer, I offer to contact the caterer myself so there isn't an extra hassle for them. I recommend this. If it is a smaller event and everyone is bringing something, then I ask everyone to be super careful about my allergies. And if they can't be careful enough (I.e., no actual nuts or other allergens, but maybe has traces or was made in their kitchen where they also use nuts), then they try to be as careful as possible and I bring food for myself.

All this was the same when I was little.

But either there needs to be accommodations or I can't go. I'm not dying just because they might be insulted.

amother

Magenta

Sun, Dec 31 2023, 6:44 pm

Not the point of this thread but BEH a medication called xolair (currently used for asthma) is going to be FDA approved within the next few months to TREAT food allergies and minimize and even eliminate the risk of a life threatening reaction, and also allow for individuals to eat the foods they are allergic to, even anaphylactic to. Please ask your doctor.