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Forum
-> Parenting our children
Which is better?
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| A. A parent who is not very emotionally connected to the child. Doesn't do any emotional harm but there is no emotional connection either. |
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5% |
[ 6 ] |
| B. A parent who is deeply connected to her child. Showers the child with love. However, this parent sometimes gets angry. Says things that she shouldn't. Causes some harm with these words and by not always knowing how to discipline the child properly. |
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94% |
[ 103 ] |
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| Total Votes : 109 |
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amother
OP
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 Wed, Jan 03 2024, 9:43 pm
Please let me know your thoughts about this question.
It doesn't let me edit the poll but obviously "A" is considered neglect, so there is certainly harm. I just mean no abuse.
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amother
Iris
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Wed, Jan 03 2024, 9:44 pm
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I chose A because that’s me and not by choice. It’s a personality thing!
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amother
Vanilla
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Wed, Jan 03 2024, 9:45 pm
Interesting.
I would say I'm A and DH is B 
Curious to see what the results will be here..
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amother
Currant
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Wed, Jan 03 2024, 9:51 pm
B
The mistakes are human, but a child needs an emotional connection and love
A child will be infinitely more harmed by an A parent
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amother
Candycane
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Wed, Jan 03 2024, 9:55 pm
| amother Iris wrote: | | I chose A because that’s me and not by choice. It’s a personality thing! |
Just wondering what the thought process is. Why is you being that way make it the better way?
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Redbird
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Wed, Jan 03 2024, 9:56 pm
Option B sounds like every decent parent on the planet.
Perfect doesn't exist
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amother
Kiwi
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Wed, Jan 03 2024, 9:59 pm
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So funny, I was just having this conversation with dh today. I was saying how I feel like I'm ruining my kids because I'm totally the choice B here (and have been having some hard days..weeks) and he was saying its better than A (I have a history of disassociating so was saying dont go there..not that its always a choice)..
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amother
OP
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Wed, Jan 03 2024, 10:01 pm
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I voted B. DH and I are both B. I have an "A" parent. I started the poll because I feel so guilty when I say mean things to my child when she's difficult. But she can be reallllly difficult.
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chanatron1000
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Wed, Jan 03 2024, 10:15 pm
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It depends on how frequent "sometimes" is and what the harm is. Typically, B is better.
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amother
Periwinkle
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Wed, Jan 03 2024, 10:39 pm
Think about a mother who's self-centered, busy on her phone all the time while the kids are home and left to fend for themselves.
Kids need emotionally involved parents.
Yes we sometimes slip up and lose it, but kids bounce back quickly b"h.
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amother
OP
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Thu, Jan 04 2024, 6:59 am
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I would like to hear from those who answered A. Why do you think A is better? Are you A? Is DH or one of your parents an A?
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amother
Gold
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Thu, Jan 04 2024, 9:24 am
My mother is an A and my father is a B but has made many more mistakes than the average person.
I vote B. However much he hurt us, at least there was a relationship and we also had good times. Whereas parent A was so distant.
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amother
Blonde
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Thu, Jan 04 2024, 10:30 am
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Having grown up with parents who were A, I can assure you that B is infinitely better, and this is what I strive for with my own kids, even though A comes more naturally to me due to personality and upbringing.
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amother
OP
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Thu, Jan 04 2024, 12:36 pm
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This is so so interesting. It's really telling how many people say B. I still haven't heard anyone explain why they chose A.
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giftedmom
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Thu, Jan 04 2024, 12:38 pm
| amother Iris wrote: | | I chose A because that’s me and not by choice. It’s a personality thing! |
No it’s not. It’s a trauma thing. Please work on healing so you can do better.
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giftedmom
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Thu, Jan 04 2024, 12:40 pm
No parent is perfect. All you need to aim for is good enough.
The exception with B would be if the parent would use the love itself to manipulate and emotionally abuse the child.
The occasional outburst is within the realm of normal.
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amother
OP
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Thu, Jan 04 2024, 12:42 pm
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I agree - the B parent must generally be thinking about and acting in the child's best interests, even though they aren't perfect, make many mistakes, and even do "mean" things in frustration.
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amother
Dill
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Thu, Jan 04 2024, 12:45 pm
I'm a therapist and this has come up in group supervision
Everyone I know agrees B over A
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