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Forum
-> Parenting our children
Which is better?
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| A. A parent who is not very emotionally connected to the child. Doesn't do any emotional harm but there is no emotional connection either. |
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5% |
[ 6 ] |
| B. A parent who is deeply connected to her child. Showers the child with love. However, this parent sometimes gets angry. Says things that she shouldn't. Causes some harm with these words and by not always knowing how to discipline the child properly. |
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94% |
[ 103 ] |
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| Total Votes : 109 |
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Rappel
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 Thu, Jan 04 2024, 12:47 pm
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B. "Rupture and repair" is built into the system as part of healthy emotional growth. It's not just incidental - it's necessary in a loving relationship
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amother
OP
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Thu, Jan 04 2024, 12:48 pm
| amother Dill wrote: | I'm a therapist and this has come up in group supervision
Everyone I know agrees B over A |
This is fascinating, thanks for sharing.
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amother
Snapdragon
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Thu, Jan 04 2024, 1:24 pm
I had an A parents. After getting married it took a very look time for me to connect to my husband bc I didn't know what being connected to another person was like (I didn't have many good friends over the years either).
B is def better.
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amother
OP
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Thu, Jan 04 2024, 6:46 pm
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Does anyone want to give examples of things parents say that you consider beyond the level of normal B vs things that are normal B? I am trying to figure this out for myself. Recently I said to my child, you just came home and already you are fighting! Do you want us to say yay she is home when you come home or to say uch she is home? I know it was mean. I was very exasperated. I have also said things like "you're so annoying". Again, in the context of a loving connected relationship with lots of laughter and joy and some difficult behaviors.
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amother
Tuberose
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Fri, Jan 05 2024, 9:33 am
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If you read up about attachment and connection and how one's close relationships in childhood impact them for life, you will see that it's clearly B.
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amother
OP
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Fri, Jan 05 2024, 9:35 am
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Thank you, I'm very familiar with attachment theory. Can you share more?
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amother
Orange
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Fri, Jan 05 2024, 9:37 am
Dh was raised by A parents.
He is an incredibly dysfunctional adult, though he was an amazing kid and bocher.
Emotional neglect can be worse than outright abuse, because emotional neglect is showing you don't even care about the person at all
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