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-> Parenting our children
-> Infants
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amother
OP
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 Sun, Jan 07 2024, 1:28 pm
I've been feeling really low lately. My baby is 11 months old. Doesn't crawl. Doesn't like to eat. Is very underweight and isn't gaining even with all the doctors suggestions. Wakes up every hour on the hour at night and I rock him back to sleep. I feel like I'm failing him as a mother and I'm constantly exhausted.
Everyone is giving me advice telling me how not normal this is and what I need to do differently.
If it's so hard now, how am I going to manage parenting as he gets older?
Am I alone in this?
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amother
Begonia
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Sun, Jan 07 2024, 1:31 pm
| amother OP wrote: | I've been feeling really low lately. My baby is 11 months old. Doesn't crawl. Doesn't like to eat. Is very underweight and isn't gaining even with all the doctors suggestions. Wakes up every hour on the hour at night and I rock him back to sleep. I feel like I'm failing him as a mother and I'm constantly exhausted.
Everyone is giving me advice telling me how not normal this is and what I need to do differently.
If it's so hard now, how am I going to manage parenting as he gets older?
Am I alone in this? |
AI generated response removed
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amother
Mocha
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Sun, Jan 07 2024, 1:31 pm
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Oh my goodness. This sounds so challenging!! I don't have specific advice OP. But sounds like you're doing your absolute best in a very challenging situation. I would want more testing done for your baby if he is waking up every hour at night, not eating, underweight, and not crawling at 11 months. If your dr isn't being helpful, I would recommend switching!
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amother
Cobalt
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Sun, Jan 07 2024, 1:31 pm
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Did your doc suggest EI referral (for the developmental delay)? Is it time to see a ped GI?
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amother
Cobalt
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Sun, Jan 07 2024, 1:35 pm
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OP why would this be your fault?
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amother
OP
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Sun, Jan 07 2024, 1:36 pm
| amother Cobalt wrote: | | Did your doc suggest EI referral (for the developmental delay)? Is it time to see a ped GI? |
My doctor doesn't really seem so concerned. And this is my first so I'm not really sure what to think.
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amother
OP
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Sun, Jan 07 2024, 1:37 pm
I'm just so ashamed. I don't know. I feel so strongly that this is because of the way I'm parenting him.
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amother
Cobalt
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Sun, Jan 07 2024, 1:38 pm
| amother OP wrote: | | My doctor doesn't really seem so concerned. And this is my first so I'm not really sure what to think. |
You can self refer to EI, if you’re concerned and it sounds like you are.
How much does your baby weigh? What does he/she eat?
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amother
Cobalt
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Sun, Jan 07 2024, 1:38 pm
| amother OP wrote: | | I'm just so ashamed. I don't know. I feel so strongly that this is because of the way I'm parenting him. |
What does this mean? What ‘way’ are you parenting?
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amother
OP
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Sun, Jan 07 2024, 1:43 pm
| amother Cobalt wrote: | | What does this mean? What ‘way’ are you parenting? |
Let's say with the sleep aspect - people say it's because I need to sleep train. Emotionally I feel like that's too hard for me. I grew up with alot of abuse. So leaving my baby to cry is so difficult.
But then I tell myself I'm probably crippling him.
But it's not just with sleep I tell myself that. It's every area where I feel like he would be better off with another mother.
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amother
Midnight
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Sun, Jan 07 2024, 1:46 pm
You can try OT or PT for him to start moving.
You can encourage him and play with him on the floor more to try and get him to be more active.
Unless you’re sitting him in front of a screen all day that he doesn’t move.,. Idk why this would be “your fault”
Also, some kids are picky eaters. Textures. Etc. are you feeding the baby the same foods you are or mushy food?? I suggest feeding baby way you are eating!
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amother
Indigo
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Sun, Jan 07 2024, 1:48 pm
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Much of the time, developmental delays happen no matter what the parent does. It's part of the way the child was wired at birth. I would absolutely have an EI evaluation though. Your doctor doesn't need to recommend it or approve. You're the mother, you decide what your child needs.
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amother
Midnight
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Sun, Jan 07 2024, 1:48 pm
Your baby needs you! Not a different mother!!!
We aren’t all mastering mothering either we all have things we need to work on.
I never really sleep train my kids. They end up in our beds almost every night. I don’t think they are stunted from that at all. They cuddle. And eventually they will stop. I don’t think at 16 they are coming to cuddle anymore. Enjoy your baby!! You are not the cause of every issue!!
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giftedmom
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Sun, Jan 07 2024, 1:52 pm
| amother OP wrote: | | My doctor doesn't really seem so concerned. And this is my first so I'm not really sure what to think. |
This mother of five says you need to see a specialist. And you’re not a failure.
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amother
Taupe
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Sun, Jan 07 2024, 1:53 pm
The fact that your baby isn't gaining weight well and is underweight is cause for concern. Not crawling at 11 months isn't as concerning. I would want your dr to be doing more testing to understand why this is happening.
Op, you are being a great mother. Your instincts are telling you this isn't quite right and you should be pushing for more investigation.
I actually find the first couple of years the hardest. You don't get much sleep, they're completely dependent on you for everything, changing, feeding, they can't do anything independently. Once they're a bit older, they can start doing things for themselves and it does get easier.
I would suggest you look at therapy to support your self-confidence and gain in confidence about your parenting skills. And I would also suggest you have a mentor to talk to regarding parenting and they should be the only one who you listen to. There's always people who will offer advice and say they have the perfect solution, and if you only did x or y, then your baby will be doing a and b. But each child is so individual and not everyone really knows enough, which is where a mentor can be helpful. You can have the confidence that you've discussed the issue with an expert and you can discard the 'helpful' information from family and friends.
My mil loves to offer advice and criticism on how I parent. Her baby is now 35, and aside from the fact that she hasn't had to deal with a baby for over 30 years and has forgotten the realities, we have also come a long way from what people did 30 or 40 years ago and what was accepted practice then, things have changed. So I smile sweetly and change the subject, and then carry on parenting just as I was.
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giftedmom
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Sun, Jan 07 2024, 1:55 pm
| amother OP wrote: | Let's say with the sleep aspect - people say it's because I need to sleep train. Emotionally I feel like that's too hard for me. I grew up with alot of abuse. So leaving my baby to cry is so difficult.
But then I tell myself I'm probably crippling him.
But it's not just with sleep I tell myself that. It's every area where I feel like he would be better off with another mother. |
You’re absolutely right in listening to your gut. Your baby is clearly suffering and leaving him to cry would make a bad situation worse. You’re doing great, in not perpetuating the cycle. Keep listening to your instincts.
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amother
Magnolia
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Sun, Jan 07 2024, 1:56 pm
Your parenting does not cause delays. End of story.
Hashem chooses to give some people more challenging babies/toddlers/kids/teenagers/adult-children, and some have it easier at any given stage. Child rearing can be difficult. Wishing you hatzlacha in getting over this bump.
And you sound like a great mother holding and rocking your child throughout the night. Your child is lucky to have you.
You may at some point choose to do some form if sleep training if it gets out of hand. Doesn't mean you have to think about that now.
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amother
Lawngreen
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Sun, Jan 07 2024, 1:57 pm
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Im so sorry you are feeling this. HASHEM Matched you up. You are exactly what your baby needs. Dont listen to negativities. My baby skipped crawling completely and he walked before 1. Not every baby is exactly the same. If this concerns you or you just want to get it checked out- im sure you can have an ot and pt look at him. Speech and GI for any feeding issues. Baby may be waking lots due to hunger (but maybe not). As long as your taking care of your baby and your own needs tune everything out! Also there are a million approaches to sleep training. Youll fijd what works for you.
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balance
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Sun, Jan 07 2024, 2:00 pm
| giftedmom wrote: | | This mother of five says you need to see a specialist. And you’re not a failure. |
And this mother of 11 agrees.
Trust your instincts. If you feel this child is unhappy, not eating well, not developing, insist on a referral to a thorough, experienced pediatrician and ask for a full work up. It may be something as simple as lack of iron or as complex as an allergy or a developmental issue. Whatever it is, kudos to you for spotting it. That's step 1. You've done that well. Step 2 is not to let this get you down but use it for good. Fight for what you know your child needs.
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amother
OP
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Sun, Jan 07 2024, 2:02 pm
| amother Midnight wrote: | You can try OT or PT for him to start moving.
You can encourage him and play with him on the floor more to try and get him to be more active.
Unless you’re sitting him in front of a screen all day that he doesn’t move.,. Idk why this would be “your fault”
Also, some kids are picky eaters. Textures. Etc. are you feeding the baby the same foods you are or mushy food?? I suggest feeding baby way you are eating! |
He doesn't have an screen time at all...just sits and plays
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