Lost job, can't pay tuition

amother

Thu, Jan 18 2024, 4:20 pm

OK, partial vent here. Please be supportive.

My husband lost his job. Not due to his fault mind you, just the company was laying off people and he was next in line to go.
We can't afford tuition. I work FULL time, until 5pm. My paycheck won't even cover rent, medical insurance, gas so I can get to work, and the electric bill... let alone food or tuition.

Rent- not expensive for our area, we pay way under market value.
Medical insurance- lost due to DH's job, not qualifying for exchange due to my job offering a sub par plan for me and none for my family, my kids have medical needs so need a decent plan.
We don't pay for fancy things. Cut back on any extras.
School said they would push off payments but call back in a few weeks to let them know status. I called and the finance office said "well the administrator who deals with this is out of town on vacation now but the board typically only give a 2 week break and then expect payment. I will give you an extra week".

What?!? It takes longer than that to find a job! He applied to dozens and dozens of companies in his field. He has had a few phone screen interviews but it takes companies a while to get back to you and do the second stage interview. And then before they decide to hire, you start work, get your first paycheck...

How is this helpful? Why can't schools be more flexible when we are in crisis?! It's not like we aren't trying. I have been working full time. He has been working until recently. We live simply, especially for our neighborhood. No travel (that we pay for- except for 1 trip to see grandparents who live out of state. Other grandparents paid for a trip to see them).
No new wigs, name brand clothing... we don't do the concert thing or restaurant scene...

amother

Mimosa

Thu, Jan 18 2024, 4:58 pm

amother Jetblack wrote:

Wait to speak to the actual administrator. Sometimes pple in lower positions like to go on power trips. Sounds very reasonable to me that you need to keep pushing off-btdt

This. The administraters' secretaries are the nastiest people. When we have issues, my husband goes down to speak in person with the actual administrator and he is usually quite reasonable

(And yes the nasty secretaries try to push my husband away and claim he is too busy and not available, but my husband stands his ground and says he will wait),

amother

Tiffanyblue

Thu, Jan 18 2024, 5:07 pm

amother Jetblack wrote:

Wait to speak to the actual administrator. Sometimes pple in lower positions like to go on power trips. Sounds very reasonable to me that you need to keep pushing off-btdt

Not necessarily a power trip. They have specific guidelines written down that they may not fully understand the terms of or have the authority to go around. Definitely wait for the admin.

amother

Thu, Jan 18 2024, 5:48 pm

Thanks. I am just so lost. We are doing everything and being open with the school.
The other thread about school being a right, not a privilege got to me. Is it only for the rich?
DH and I both got graduate degrees, work in reputable fields. Mine doesn't make a lot now but can in the future. But we are stuck now.

I guess my kids aren't going to camp this summer? But what if DH gets a job by then? I need to work.
What about food? New clothing? My son had a growth spurt and needs larger pants? Not for in season, matching or new clothing- just for a few items that fit. Target works for us. If I pay tuition I can't do any of that.

We applied to tomchei, waiting to hear back...

amother

Cyclamen

Thu, Jan 18 2024, 5:57 pm

This is not a popular thing to say, but your family's needs come first.

That means food, minimal clothing, housing, utilities, and whatever your kids need to be functional.

Tuition comes next. If there's nothing left for that... I'm sorry.

The days of children being inspired by how their parents lived in squalor to pay for the melamed are over. Children of nowadays are more likely to be disgusted at how the teachers and administrators are living on a decent standard while they are starving and miserable to pay for tuition.

Put tuition before extras. Put tuition before luxuries. Try to give at least a few dollars every week to tuition. But please, don't make your family suffer for tuition. The school will not appreciate your sacrifice, and your children will not benefit in the short or long run.

The school has to fundraise for these types of situations. Do your best, keep a cheshbon of how much you owe, and IYH years down the road when your kids graduate you'll be able to work on paying off your old tuition debt.

Wishing you only good.

(ETA that I wish I listened to my own advice.)

amother

Fri, Jan 19 2024, 1:11 am

mha3484 wrote:

Where do you live? I am allergic to asking for help but in this situation Id be calling my local chesed fund and taking all their services.

We applied to the one chesed organization where we live. It was so embarrassing as we donated before but we did it. Because my kids come first. They really went into the nitty gritty details and I felt almost violated by it. But I get why they had to- to weed out the fakes and lies.
And then they sent back something saying they didn't get information. That we had attached and was there in their system. So now we need to redo a whole bunch of stuff. Which is so emotionally difficult. And time consuming when I work all day and am barely functioning and keeping it together. Crying

amother

Fri, Jan 19 2024, 1:18 am

amother Cyclamen wrote:

I agree. Electric bill, rent, health insurance, car insurance and gas, medical needs, and real basic clothing (target, not frum stores, maybe Shein for daughter too tall for Target) come first. We are cutting everything possible... but my income won't cover all that, let alone tuition!!

And what if they won't let us re-enroll next year? What if they kick us out? Where I live they have a few schools but each one is a specific type. Hard to explain- but there is only one school my kids would be comfortable in and how would I even explain to them why they can't return to their school?

amother

Leaf

Fri, Jan 19 2024, 1:08 pm

I'm so sorry. I've been in this place too. As someone mentioned above, I found our Rav to be somewhat helpful. He had discretionary funds to help us short term and got the school to be a little more flexible.

I say somewhat helpful because I think I expected more and I had to run after him a little. But I guess he has so many people and things he is trying to help.

amother

Wed, Jan 31 2024, 2:39 pm

Following up... I am now having to chase the administrator around. I have called every day this week and have been told to call back the next day. One day wasn't in the office. Once was in a meeting. Once they "couldn't find him".

Why are they making my life so difficult?!? Do they assume that money will magically appear? Or that when they do the automatic withdrawals it won't cause us to not be able to pay our electric bill, gas for me to get to work, or for my kids medication?

I did the math. We are using up our savings just to live on, without tuition. If they charge us tuition we have nothing by the end of the year. Again- I don't spend. No takeout. No trips. No toys or new clothing.

amother

Mimosa

Wed, Jan 31 2024, 2:42 pm

amother OP wrote:

IME you need to go in person and tell them you are not leaving until you speak with the administrator. They are never gonna let you speak on the phone with him.
It's all a tactic. They make it as difficult and dehumanizing as possible because they hope you will eventually give up and just let then charge whatever they want. Don't fall for it.

amother

Wed, Jan 31 2024, 2:49 pm

amother Mimosa wrote:

Exactly. Dehumanizing. I have lost so much self esteem. I work hard. Full time- more than almost any other mom I know.
I had to apply to Tomchei and now pick up a box a week. I had to call someone else, leave my name and number, and am waiting for a call back.... no one makes it easy. Again, I get they have to weed out frauds and those faking it but lost job is a lost job. And he is applying and getting rejections or just not hearing back (even if he interviewed).