Would you empty savings to pay for a bar mitzvah

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amother

Fri, Apr 12 2024, 5:35 am

Would you empty your savings account to pay for a bar mitzvah if it could take another 3 years to build up to that amount again?

amother

Gray

Fri, Apr 12 2024, 5:38 am

I would make as simple as possible.

theoneandonly

Fri, Apr 12 2024, 5:39 am

Is this to make a fancy bar mitzvah to keep up with the Joneses? Then no.
Is this to make a small celebration to commemorate? Then maybe

amother

Beige

Fri, Apr 12 2024, 5:41 am

Not fancy but yes, you should save for simchas so you take from savings to make bar mitzvah

mummiedearest

Fri, Apr 12 2024, 5:42 am

amother

Acacia

Fri, Apr 12 2024, 5:45 am

What are your other options? Seriously.

ShishKabob

Fri, Apr 12 2024, 5:54 am

I'm scratching my head here.
Isn't this what savings are for?

Editing to add: Emptying makes it seem to me like it's really a large amount of money. Is it? Or is it simply enough to pay for a bar mitzva and tfillin etc.

Last edited by ShishKabob on Fri, Apr 12 2024, 5:55 am; edited 1 time in total

hodeez

Fri, Apr 12 2024, 5:54 am

Excuse my bluntness, but I can't think of a stupider thing to do, especially in times such as these.

amother

Gladiolus

Fri, Apr 12 2024, 5:56 am

hodeez wrote:

Excuse my bluntness, but I can't think of a stupider thing to do, especially in times such as these.

What other option is there though, if that’s all the money op has?

amother

Tuberose

Fri, Apr 12 2024, 5:56 am

Empty? Meaning, bring your savings down to zero? No not a chance.

This is not what savings is for. Savings is for if. Someone loses their job, paying the mortgage and basic living expenses. If you empty your savings how would you have money if you truly needed it.

If I couldn’t afford to make a bar mitzvah, I’d make it as simple as possible. A kiddish in shul. A dairy kiddish at hashkamah even to save money.

amother

Slateblue

Fri, Apr 12 2024, 5:58 am

Not enough information to offer any kind of meaningful feedback.

How expensive is this - is it to fund something lavish or is it to fund something meaningful which covers the basics

What is the total financial picture - are these truly leaving you with absolutely $0 money.

Do you have money to for your ordinary life so that you aren't using credit or foregoing other necessary stuff.

amother

Lightblue

Fri, Apr 12 2024, 6:00 am

I would make a bare basics bar mitzvah to use up the least amount of our savings. Obviously savings is for a simcha, but wiping out a savings account that will take THREE years to refill sounds pretty irresponsible.

amother

Sage

Fri, Apr 12 2024, 6:06 am

Emptying sounds alarming. But in general the point of saving money is to be able to pay for things like bar mitzvas and other things that don't normally come up.
And as others have said, you should make a basic bar mitzva. I think it also depends on how long it will take to replenish the savings. If it took you a year to build up, then it isn't as major as if you saved for 10 years.

amother

Slateblue

Fri, Apr 12 2024, 6:10 am

amother Sage wrote:

I agree that it is the "emptying" that sets up alarms because obviously the best way to fund anything is through savings which you have for that purpose.

But if you just have these savings, then not such a great idea to use it completely because you will have nothing left for emergencies, long term goals or even other simchas.

Perhaps I am reading too much into it but "emptying" seems as though even getting savings to a certain point was a financial struggle.

amother

Fri, Apr 12 2024, 6:10 am

Not a fancier occasion than most people, but the “standard” Lakewood type of event- kiddush in shul, maybe some family for Shabbos, and a weeknight event catered in a hall. No major upgrades if any.

Alternatively if bar mitzvah boy prefers, a trip to Israel with family and a Shabbos kiddush.

No mortgage b”H, it’s paid off. We do have property taxes of course.

We have modest investments in stocks and real estate. I’d prefer not to sell if we don’t have to. We are setting aside the modest real estate income for the bar mitzvah so ideally that will be enough but I don’t know for sure.

This is not for now- it’s in a few years but I’m thinking ahead of time.

Not even sure what a typical Lakewood bar mitzvah costs incl kiddush and some family for Shabbos and a weeknight event. Hearing very different numbers from people.

amother

Electricblue

Fri, Apr 12 2024, 6:12 am

amother OP wrote:

To me this sounds pretty lavish. What do I know?

amother

Gray

Fri, Apr 12 2024, 6:15 am

amother OP wrote:

A kiddush, shabbos, and weeknight is excessive if you can't afford it.

And a family trip to Israel can get very pricey.

Op do you have any other simchos coming up soon also? Doesn't sound wise to empty your account for one occasion...

amother

Vanilla

Fri, Apr 12 2024, 6:18 am

Bar mitzvas these days cost insane amounts.

I spent 14k and that was low end in my community. I learned a lot and plan to make the next bar mitzva even cheaper.

amother

Fri, Apr 12 2024, 6:18 am

amother Gray wrote:

We have under 5 kids (not posting a specific number ) 2-4 years apart. We have investments for weddings iyH. They need time to ripen.

Only other simchos in immediate family that would be close to the bar mitzvah are a baby being born maybe, and we’d do a simple kiddush in shul or a simple bris

amother

Magnolia

Fri, Apr 12 2024, 6:21 am

That’s not basic by Lakewood standards. That’s going all out majorly. But if you have stocks then you can use this savings. Basic is just doing a shabbos kiddush. Next level basic is just doing a simple weekday affair. Doing all that is lavish. A trip to Israel is only for the rich.

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