Unmotivated | Imamother

amother

Sat, Feb 03 2024, 9:28 pm

amother Lemonlime wrote:

I was like this as a high schooler. I actually tell myself all the time that I would love to explore this with a therapist. I don’t know exactly why I wasn’t motivated, but I’ll speculate here.

Reason A: Peer pressure- In elementary school, I was above average and almost at the top of the class. I was considered a little weird and geeky I think. When I got to 9th grade, I decided I’d had enough of that and tried to “remake” myself.

Reason B: No family pressure/expectations- after pta and when we got report cards, my mother always made sure to stress middos/teachers comments over marks. If it wasn’t important to her, why should it be important to me

Reason C: laziness - I’m wouldn’t say I’m a half job kind of person, but why go through a lot of effort if the result end up similar. Why pull out a mixer to make a cake, if my family happily enjoys a cake that I just mix straight in the pan?

Reason D: I felt it was pointless - I knew I wasn’t going to seminary in EY (financial reasons) and that I wouldn’t go to college (religious reasons) so why do I need to get A’s?

That’s all I can come up with for now. It was probably a combo of all 4. My parents didn’t seem to mind and I enjoyed high school without the pressure.
I graduated with a diploma, got married and have a nice sized family now. So alls well I guess.

I’d say don’t sweat it, but you can definitely try to ask her some pointed questions to get to the bottom of it.

She’s definitely reason c. The problem is that even though she’s saying now she doesn’t want to go to seminary, I know she’ll change her mind when all the girls start talking about it and applying and which seminary will take her with those kind of marks when they have so many applicants who excel or at least show some effort. She’ll have the same issue with college. The frustrating part is that if she even puts in a tiny bit of effort she’d easily get in the 80s which is so much better…. I’m trying to let it not bother me but I’m having a hard time with that.

amother

Lemonlime

Sat, Feb 03 2024, 10:35 pm

amother OP wrote:

What grade is she in now? 11th?
From what you posted, it sounds to me like she is going through a phase. Seminary and college isn’t on her head now, she’s living in the moment like most teenagers do. She may have to deal with the repercussions of this by going to a less academic seminary/college, but as long as she gets her diploma the door is still open for her.

I wouldn’t put pressure on her at the moment. Unless she is seriously failing subjects, I would let it slide. You can try to gently question her if you catch her at the right time, if there is anything you can do to help her get back on track. But if you push too hard she will resist.
She may just decide to buckle down at the end of the year and put in effort for finals. But that won’t happen if she feels you are down her back and pressuring her. She has to want to work hard.

amother

Geranium

Sat, Feb 03 2024, 10:51 pm

amother OP wrote:

Could be but shouldn’t she want to do well for herself? If she put in the effort she would do well. Now she doesn’t even care

Good grades never made me feel goods. Poor grades never made me feel bad. I’m now an adult with a career and I still don’t feel defined by my work evaluations for example. My character and personality are who I am not numbers or letters. I’ve always known that to be true.

amother

Tan

Sat, Feb 03 2024, 10:56 pm

Seems like she’s in a slump. At this pine midterms are over and finals are 5 months away. Maybe she needs something out of school to excite her. I’d there a course, job or hobby that she’s interested in persuing after school?
If she finds a new joy in life it may just give her the oomph to apply herself academically again.

Can you talk to the school- maybe there is something that she can do extracurricular that will help- a job for play, running a chessed committee, being in a school choir etc based on what she likes doing/ her strengths that can help her feel better about herself .

amother

Maroon

Sat, Feb 03 2024, 11:21 pm

amother OP wrote:

She got a 65 on 6/8 midterms she took. The other she got an 82 and 71. My husband spoke to her about it. She said she has no interest in studying, just wants to pass to be able to get a GED. I don’t get it. Where’s this coming from??

Studying is boring and she is probably not interested after a whole (boring) day of school.

As long as she has a high school diploma she'll be able to go to college if she wants.

I killed myself in high school to get good grades and I really regret it. It wasn't necessary. It didn't get me any farther in life than anyone else, and I lost out on spending that time enjoying friends and interests and hobbies

amother

Stonewash

Sun, Feb 04 2024, 5:33 pm

amother OP wrote:

You said earlier that she has to study hard to get in the 80’s… I’m not sure which it is, but it’s really disheartening to work so hard and end up with a mediocre grade. That could look like laziness from the outside, but it’s really not.

amother

Sun, Feb 04 2024, 5:44 pm

amother Stonewash wrote:

Nope, never said that. I said she gets in the high 80s with effort. Never said she has to study so hard to achieve that. I don’t look at getting in the high 80s as a mediocre grade

amother

Eggshell

Sun, Feb 04 2024, 5:53 pm

amother OP wrote:

Nope, never said that. I said she gets in the high 80s with effort. Never said she has to study so hard to achieve that. I don’t look at getting in the high 80s as a mediocre grade

She's a teenager. What you think probably means relatively little compared to what her friends think and what the class expectations are. If that is an average grade, then OK. If the average is nearer ninety or above, she's not going to see eighty as being worth much.