Where are the authority figures?

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Forum -> Chinuch, Education & Schooling

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amother

Sun, Mar 24 2024, 9:50 pm

As a teacher, parent and viewer of this site, there is a lack of discipline in the frum world. Everyone seems paralyzed to step in and tell their kid no. At any age and no Matter the circumstances!! It's atrocious!! I fear for our future

amother

Copper

Sun, Mar 24 2024, 9:54 pm

Huh? That's a bit of a sweeping statement.

amother

Pumpkin

Sun, Mar 24 2024, 9:54 pm

Is it the same poster that keeps on starting threads criticizing jews????

OP, start looking with an ayin tovah. A person that has an ayin tovah, see's the good and not the bad. If you look for good, that's what you'll see. If you're busy looking for the bad, then that's what you'll see.

amother

Mocha

Sun, Mar 24 2024, 9:55 pm

I agree. We are all terrified of making our kids feel different. It's so ironic. If only we could somehow band together and do it collectively.

amother

Linen

Sun, Mar 24 2024, 10:07 pm

And later tonight you'll see a thread

"What is wrong with the system?! All these authority figures and 'chinuch masters' are coming down so hard on our children! Let them live and breathe for a moment! This is why everyone goes off the derech these days. From harsh criticism and lack of love and acceptance!"

Did something happen OP? This seems very generalized but I'm sure there's something very specific going on here.

hodeez

Sun, Mar 24 2024, 10:08 pm

My kids hear no plenty

Ema of 5

Sun, Mar 24 2024, 10:09 pm

amother OP wrote:

And sometimes, no matter how many times you say no, and no matter what you do to make sure certain things don’t happen, they happen anyway. Because we don’t control anyone except ourselves.

amother

Dandelion

Sun, Mar 24 2024, 10:44 pm

I was around a lot of kids today. Purim is a day of a lot of noise, a lot of nosh, a lot of running around. The kids are overstimulated, overstuffed with sugar, the older ones get stressed trying not to be the ones to give a nerdy mm, little and big ones alike are stressed if no one (or seemingly no one) gave them mm or if they miss their friends. Some get overheated in their costumes, some are just stamm uncomfortable and some are unhappy because all their friends have better costumes.
It can be a rough day to be a kid.
The kids I saw all around me, the ones related to me and the ones who aren’t, the ones I know and strangers, all were amazingly well behaved. Yes I heard a tantrum and witnessed a meltdown, but for the most part kids were remarkably well behaved. We’re doing a great job. We’re passing on the Purim story as we were meant to, letting the kids participate in the mitzvos of the day and making sure they have fun.
The kids I saw today made me feel like we all need to give ourselves gigantic pats on the back before we go to sleep tonight.

Maryann

Sun, Mar 24 2024, 10:49 pm

I don't see what you're seeing ?
I see alot of nos everywhere

amother

Iris

Sun, Mar 24 2024, 11:03 pm

I hope you aren’t basing your opinion on something you saw today. I mean Purim is one crazy 24 hrs. Kids eat wtvr, no sleep, wearing uncomfortable stuff, running around like a madman, tons of stimulation, lots of parties.. I mean I can go on on the insanity of Purim of course there will be things you see that make you think what are people thinking. Having said all that I totally agree with you that on a regular day that many many parents today are afraid to parent their kids properly. Afraid to say no afraid to be firm or strict. Afraid to what people will say if they do something frowned upon. I truly believe parents today don’t have the confidence in themselves to stand up to their children and have specific rules and guidelines for them. I’m saying this as a mom in her 30s.

amother

Mayflower

Sun, Mar 24 2024, 11:08 pm

I heard a speech by Dr. Pelcovitz many many years ago. He said the biggest nisayon we will face in parenting today is raising our children in the generation after the "off the derech awareness" generation. We are raising our kids petrified that they will go off the derech. So instead of being too authoritative like many of our parents were, we're going to the other extreme and being too permissive

amother

Daisy

Sun, Mar 24 2024, 11:21 pm

amother Mayflower wrote:

We ourselves are also not afraid of authority.
Honestly, when was the last time any of us saw and policeman and was fearful?
Really, it’s not just on our kids. It’s the whole culture, us included.

Genius

Sun, Mar 24 2024, 11:24 pm

What is bothering you this fine evening op?

amother

Apricot

Sun, Mar 24 2024, 11:26 pm

Just saying you can’t say no to your kid “at any age”

You think a parent can tell their kid no at 20? 30? 40? Let me know how that works out for you OP

amother

Hosta

Sun, Mar 24 2024, 11:51 pm

The ability to say "no" comes from trust that needs to be earned, not authoritarianism. Because as soon as a couple has their third child, they're outnumbered. A classroom has many students and only one teacher. They can resist.

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