Etiquette for leftovers at a Purim seudah/sheva brachos

amother

Sun, Mar 24 2024, 7:49 pm

What is the proper etiquette for an event like a Purim seudah or sheva brachos where everyone brings one or two dishes. Is it proper to leave everything with the host since you brought it as a gift so to speak, or is it proper for each person to bring home their own leftovers. I have seen both done. However, I was reading threads on secular sites regarding potluck dinners etc. It seems that in the secular world it is considered highly rude to bring home leftovers even if you made them, unless the host specifically asks you to take home your own leftovers.

notshanarishona

Sun, Mar 24 2024, 9:09 pm

Their is no right or wrong either way is ok. Personally, if I made one dish as a hostess present I wouldn’t take home leftovers and that would feel rude . It was potluck and I made several dishes then I definitely would take back at the end. Sometimes everyone splits the leftovers. It’s all about communication. Definitely whoever cooks has the right to want it back.

amother

Lemonchiffon

Mon, Mar 25 2024, 1:41 am

I also think it depends on how much is left. As a hostess, I would not want to be left with more food than I need for a maximum of one meal. By the same token, I wouldn't want to be left with bits and pieces that aren't really enough to make a meal.

imaima

Mon, Mar 25 2024, 1:50 am

amother OP wrote:

I offer people to take things home but I also leave something for myself when I host

Mayflower

Mon, Mar 25 2024, 3:21 am

I brought dessert for the seudah this year. All the adults were so full from the meal, hardly anything got eaten. The host insisted I take everything home... Honestly, I was a little insulted, like they didn't appreciate what I made and didn't even want to try some. I think it would have been nicer of the host to keep at least enough for one meal for her family.

amother

Lemonchiffon

Mon, Mar 25 2024, 4:00 am

Mayflower wrote:

I often volunteer first course or part of the main for this reason.

notshanarishona

Mon, Mar 25 2024, 4:19 am

Mayflower wrote:

It’s helpful to hear that because I never would have thought of anyone being insulted so thank you for that insight. I think people rarely eat proper desserts on Purim because everyone had too much sugar already unless it’s something light like fruit soup or ices. I always thought I am being nice to tell people to take their leftovers back.

amother

Chocolate

Mon, Mar 25 2024, 4:35 am

A friend made a beautiful layer cake for our seudah and I baked a huge amount of hamantaschen. Bought some gourmet halvah. We also had fruit and ice cream. I asked her to take home the remaining cake after cutting off a very large piece for my son. There is no way that we could finish it. On the other hand, I think if the giver asked to take it without the host first suggesting, that would be rude.

amother

Coffee

Mon, Mar 25 2024, 5:30 am

Here's another point of view. I host and there are six pans of food most of which were probably Frozen and then already rewarmed for this meal. I don't have that much room in my own fridge, I don't want to refreeze frozen food and I don't even think my small family will be able to eat it because it's so much. I just want everything out of my kitchen so I can clean up.

When I am a guest at a large meal and the above scenario happens, the hostess always takes a bit of what she wants & then says everyone should please come and be in charge of the food they brought. They should decide if they want to bring it home or if they want it thrown out. Usually, everyone will offer something to everyone else (and most people won't want to take) and then they'll either take it home or if you're like me you'll toss it in the garbage.

amother

Green

Mon, Mar 25 2024, 5:44 am

I think some of it depends on who is doing the meal. When we have a family meal, we have an agreement that we just take our own food back with us. Easiest way to deal with it all. Otherwise it descends into a messy trying to share out bits of food so it's even.
As hostess, most of the time, I would rather the food goes back with the people that came with it, rather than trying to deal with it myself. I hate putting away leftover food. Most of my kids won't bother eating leftovers, so I'm left with too much food that will end up going to waste.

amother

Silver

Mon, Mar 25 2024, 6:16 am

I actually dislike when I host and I’m left with tons of leftovers. We can’t possibly eat it all and it’s just more wore. My Rebbetzin used to say “I’m not a garbage can!” lol
But I think the etiquette here is tricky. I brought a lot of food to our Seudah yesterday and we didn’t eat ANY of it as we fed our kids before. I still wouldn’t have felt comfortable asking to take it home, but I hope it didn’t end up in the garbage. It wasn’t cheap!

watergirl

Mon, Mar 25 2024, 6:19 am

I do a lot of hosting and when I have a lot of leftover food, I started doing this, which is pretty popular: I buy to go containers and put them out. I invite everybody to come and fill a container of whatever they would like so it doesn’t seem like I’m sending their own food back home with them. People love taking home goodie bags and it’s a much less insulting way of getting rid of extra food without throwing it away or hurting feelings.

amother

Silver

Mon, Mar 25 2024, 7:08 am

watergirl wrote:

I love this idea !

amother

Offwhite

Mon, Mar 25 2024, 8:12 am

amother Silver wrote:

I would hope the hostess offers ot back before throwing out.

Agree that its proper for the hostess to offer before you grab your leftovers.

amother

Peony

Mon, Mar 25 2024, 8:33 am

watergirl wrote:

I put out containers and trays and ppl take.

seeker

Mon, Mar 25 2024, 8:49 am

It never occurred to me that it would be rude to take/send it back. I and everyone I know have limited fridge and freezer space. If I host a number of other families, that's much more people than my family and if they made enough food then there's much more leftovers than my family can handle. We always offer it to each other and almost always the result of the offering is that everyone goes home with their own stuff or at least most of it.

The idea of offering to go containers is cute but I would still have ended up with lots of leftovers yesterday because the other people very much overestimated how much we would need. I have 4 people home most of the week, what would I do with three 9x13s of side dishes? And the salad would have wilted before we finished it. I did mains and have a 9x13 of my own to wedge into the freezer and hopefully enjoy for supper sometime.

I think it also makes sense with regard to labor and expense for people to keep their own thing. My mains were expensive, it's fair that my family will enjoy an extra meal of meat and chicken out of it. Salads are labor intensive (and/or expensive if you buy pre checked greens) so it's nice that the person who made that gets to enjoy it again today.

Same for taste. I made food that I like, they made food that they like, hopefully we all enjoyed each other's food but it's not guaranteed so you can't assume the leftovers will be enjoyed by the others.