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-> Parenting our children
-> Our Challenging Children (gifted, ADHD, sensitive, defiant)
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amother
OP
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 Mon, Mar 25 2024, 2:58 pm
I already know that this is not how a mother speaks about her own child and I'm a terrible person. Feel free to continue to berate me, I promise you can't make me feel worse about myself than I already do.
My son is HFASD, he is constantly complaining, comparing and exacting everyone in their words and deeds. He is stubborn and picky and every little thing sets him off. He literally cannot see beyond his own worldview and lives with this perspective that he is the victim, everything is unfair and he has it the worst.
He has been to years and years and years of therapy. He has no friends and is impossible to engage with without triggering one of his 3 Cs complaining, comparing, and critiquing.
I'm so drained, I can't listen to him anymore, he sucks the life out of everything.
I find myself snapping at him constantly. I'm so done. I would do anything for just one normal shabbos meal or car ride or family simcha.
I can't stop crying over this, what kind of horrible woman and mother I am to not be able to love her son or have patience for his chisronos, challenges that I know logically hashem created him with.
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ittsamother
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Mon, Mar 25 2024, 3:01 pm
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The answer is that you are human. My kids aren't anything like what you're describing and I still feel so frustrated and annoyed with them sometimes and just want some time without them. I can only imagine how much that feeling would be exacerbated if I dealt with what you're dealing with.
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amother
Eggshell
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Mon, Mar 25 2024, 3:02 pm
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What kind of mother are you? A normal mother, one who has a challenging child. And challenging kids are double as hard on Purim....
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Dolly Welsh
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Mon, Mar 25 2024, 3:34 pm
His age?
What does he do in life?
An exacting person like that would be valuable in manual trades. Construction, plumbing, care of animals. There, you can't get anything wrong, or it falls down, or it kicks you.
Some men need to be outdoors and working on something hard.
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amother
Wheat
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Mon, Mar 25 2024, 3:40 pm
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Maybe medication could help. I don't know that it can but it may be worth looking into if he and everyone around him are miserable most of the time.
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amother
Stoneblue
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Mon, Mar 25 2024, 3:40 pm
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I have a similar kid. Constitutional homeopathy and ldn have really been helping us with this
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amother
OP
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Mon, Mar 25 2024, 3:43 pm
| amother Stoneblue wrote: | | I have a similar kid. Constitutional homeopathy and ldn have really been helping us with this |
Can you tell me more?
We've tried medications with zero success. He is a preteen.
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amother
Seagreen
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Mon, Mar 25 2024, 3:46 pm
Listen to me , had a child like this & plus some more issues
What’s the solution ??? Meds, meds & more meds .
Meaning find the best doctor you can & keep tweaking them and changing and adjusting both meds & dosage till your kid starts to resemble a normal human being , that isn’t destroying the sanity of everyone in your house . It’s a long journey, it took us about 3 years to get to a normal place . It’s a diff journey but there is a light at the end of the tunnel .
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amother
OP
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Mon, Mar 25 2024, 3:49 pm
| amother Seagreen wrote: | Listen to me , had a child like this & plus some more issues
What’s the solution ??? Meds, meds & more meds .
Meaning find the best doctor you can & keep tweaking them and changing and adjusting both meds & dosage till your kid starts to resemble a normal human being , that isn’t destroying the sanity of everyone in your house . It’s a long journey, it took us about 3 years to get to a normal place . It’s a diff journey but there is a light at the end of the tunnel . |
Is your child on the spectrum?
I was told that they often don't react "normally" to meds. He's either a zombie and depressed or angry and irritable. We have not had any other responses to meds.
Maybe we need to keep going to doctors.
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amother
Seagreen
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Mon, Mar 25 2024, 3:58 pm
| amother OP wrote: | Is your child on the spectrum?
I was told that they often don't react "normally" to meds. He's either a zombie and depressed or angry and irritable. We have not had any other responses to meds.
Maybe we need to keep going to doctors. |
He is possibly on the spectrum , but not confirmed .
But def has bad adhd, anxiety , ocd & Tourette’s & was just an awful kid to be around .
So yes he was sensitive to meds & didn’t react well.
But it was worth it to go through , cuz now I still have a neurotypical kid who is hard but more normal so I can talk to him, parent him ….he isn’t always yelling/ tantruming/ blaming & complaining .
Find a good neurologist who will keep trying .
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amother
OP
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Mon, Mar 25 2024, 4:00 pm
| amother Seagreen wrote: | He is possibly on the spectrum , but not confirmed .
But def has bad adhd, anxiety , ocd & Tourette’s & was just an awful kid to be around .
So yes he was sensitive to meds & didn’t react well.
But it was worth it to go through , cuz now I still have a neurotypical kid who is hard but more normal so I can talk to him, parent him ….he isn’t always yelling/ tantruming/ blaming & complaining .
Find a good neurologist who will keep trying . |
Do you have one you can recommend?
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amother
Stoneblue
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Mon, Mar 25 2024, 6:43 pm
| amother OP wrote: | Can you tell me more?
We've tried medications with zero success. He is a preteen. | LDN is low dose naltrexone. It's a medication with a very safe profile that's used off label at very low doses as an immune modulator and anti inflammatory. Because many asd behaviors are caused by inflammation and fight-flight nervous system, LDN can work on the immune system and nervous system to help with these behaviors.
For homeopathy, Alan Freestone and Grant Bentley are the top names for ASD.
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amother
Cognac
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Mon, Mar 25 2024, 6:46 pm
Wow op you described my life at the moment.
I feel the same.
Its so so hard.
A break doesnt even help me cos we go right back to where we were before.
He is always in anxious mode.
I wish he could take a relaxant.
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amother
Seagreen
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Mon, Mar 25 2024, 6:58 pm
Yes, Dr.Kornitzer in NJ. But he might have a very looong wait to get an initial eval .
Maybe someone here has some other suggestions ?
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amother
Lemonchiffon
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Mon, Mar 25 2024, 7:01 pm
| amother Cognac wrote: | Wow op you described my life at the moment.
I feel the same.
Its so so hard.
A break doesnt even help me cos we go right back to where we were before.
He is always in anxious mode.
I wish he could take a relaxant. |
Why can't he?
This is not your bad parenting or lack of patience. This kid has a problem. If a relaxant can help, why not?
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amother
Cognac
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Mon, Mar 25 2024, 7:04 pm
| amother Lemonchiffon wrote: | Why can't he?
This is not your bad parenting or lack of patience. This kid has a problem. If a relaxant can help, why not? |
He has High functioning ASD.
Everyone we have been to says he cant take meds cos he doesnt have ADHD.
And that the meds dont work on a kid like this.
Hes been tested multiple times.
I dont even know what a relaxant is, I dont even care if hes zombie like, I just wish hed be a bit more settled.
Im in UK, could be its harder here.
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amother
RosePink
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Mon, Mar 25 2024, 7:13 pm
| amother Stoneblue wrote: | LDN is low dose naltrexone. It's a medication with a very safe profile that's used off label at very low doses as an immune modulator and anti inflammatory. Because many asd behaviors are caused by inflammation and fight-flight nervous system, LDN can work on the immune system and nervous system to help with these behaviors.
For homeopathy, Alan Freestone and Grant Bentley are the top names for ASD. |
what is ldn different than an anxiety med like prozac for example? I have child with asd+anxiety and am at the end of my rope for the "3 C's" as op called it:)
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amother
Linen
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Mon, Mar 25 2024, 7:14 pm
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My son is extacly the same except he's not asd and no adhd or anxiety, he became like this the last year I'm at my wits end with him
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amother
Seagreen
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Mon, Mar 25 2024, 7:16 pm
| amother Cognac wrote: | He has High functioning ASD.
Everyone we have been to says he cant take meds cos he doesnt have ADHD.
And that the meds dont work on a kid like this.
Hes been tested multiple times.
I dont even know what a relaxant is, I dont even care if hes zombie like, I just wish hed be a bit more settled.
Im in UK, could be its harder here. |
Medication called Risperadone .
Given to kids w/ Autism & for kids with Tourette’s
Chills them out, not for anxiety persee , but makes kids calm & more or less normal . Not irritable, moody , angry. I can’t explain it , but it tones down their emotions, w/out making them a Zoombie .
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amother
Stoneblue
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Mon, Mar 25 2024, 7:16 pm
| amother RosePink wrote: | | what is ldn different than an anxiety med like prozac for example? I have child with asd+anxiety and am at the end of my rope for the "3 C's" as op called it:) | It's not psychotropic. It's much safer, less side effects. And it works on root causes, not just on neurotransmitters, so it's more likely to heal broadly rather than making some things better and some things worse
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