What age married children start hosting parents for pesach

amother

Sun, Apr 07 2024, 8:00 am

We host our married children but I’m so tired. I’m 62 I’m bt I had children in my late 20’s and wondering when do married children start hosting parents for pesach.

amother

RosePink

Sun, Apr 07 2024, 8:06 am

My parents do half 'n half often these days. They host the younger marrieds for first days and then go to one of my older siblings for second days. The older families are large enough (8+ kids ka'h) that they don't want to travel to my parents anymore and it's easier for them to host. The younger/smaller families still enjoy going and don't yet make their own yom tov.

My parents are in their mid-sixties. My older siblings who host are approx 35+.

lamplighter

Sun, Apr 07 2024, 8:06 am

I don't think it's an age. It's a sensitivity.
I started hosting my parents for Yom tov when I saw how hard it was for them. We started off just meals and then moved to full YT, but it's not just me, I have 3 married siblings and we figure it out.
They stopped hosting maybe @66?

srbmom

Sun, Apr 07 2024, 8:07 am

When the parents ask.
We are in our 40s and would love to host our parents. It's much easier for us to have them than to pack up 5 kids and schlep across the country. Squeezing into a house with siblings, kids not in their own beds, noone sleeping well...
My SIL still goes to my inlaws with her married kids already! My mother in law complains every year that it's too hard for her and then she does it again. At this point no other siblings go because it's not enjoyable to anymore
Start a conversation with your kids already about next year. You may be pleasantly surprised.

amother

Sunflower

Sun, Apr 07 2024, 8:13 am

I would gladly host my parents! I’m 30, they’re in their 50s/60s. But my mother wouldn’t hear of it! It’s her pride and joy and she loves everything part of it
If she would tell me she wasn’t up to it, I would stay home and host them

amother

Hyssop

Sun, Apr 07 2024, 8:15 am

My mother stopped in her mid 60s. Because the one sibling who was still coming to her wanted to start making his own seder.

My in laws stopped much younger because they physically couldn't do it at a much younger age.
They aged much faster than my parents.

amother

DarkCyan

Sun, Apr 07 2024, 8:19 am

My mother is 74 and this is the first year she’s locking up for the full Yom tov.

Editing just to add, most of my siblings didn’t move in for the full week. It was always a meal or only first days/last days.

amother

Copper

Sun, Apr 07 2024, 8:19 am

There are so many factors involved!

I hosted my in-laws for the first time 10 years after I got married, so I was 30?

And last year we went to them for Pesach and my SIL and I basically cooked everything all yomtov, but they still had to deal with having kids and grandkids invade their space.

This year, SIL and I are each making Pesach at home, and both of us gave our parents-in-law the option to come to us, but they are tired and don’t want to be guests in our chaotic little houses, so they are staying home.

So I am hosting my parents for the first time this year! It’s easier to fly them + my unmarried adult siblings to my house than to find a place to stay in their city.

happy7

Sun, Apr 07 2024, 8:21 am

at whatever age the parents are willing to be hosted. Put out the word.
for this year, it might be a drop too late, unless you have kids who can host the ones who were going to come to you.
But for next year, your kids can definitely host you if you are willing to go.

amother

Green

Sun, Apr 07 2024, 8:35 am

My parents and in laws would laugh at me if I would offer to host them.

It's a dream of mine but we'll see if it ever happens. I am not able to host comfortably at the moments but at some point.

Problem is, we're many siblings on either side and there will be huge disagreements about who will host. I am cerain everyone will want to. Even with making turns and hosting for half, it will take years for everyone to get a turn.

amother

cornflower

Sun, Apr 07 2024, 8:37 am

We started hosting my parents when they asked, we were in our 30s. But it isn't set, some years they come to us and some years we go to them.

As for my in laws, we invited them to come to us several times and they won't come. My sisters in law also tried. I don't know if they won't come because they don't trust our pesach kashrut (even though we do the same as them kashrut-wise), or because they only want to do the seder my father in law's way (adult friendly but not child friendly, and we do the opposite because we have children), or because there is no way to make it fair because they have more kids than yom tovs (so in trying not to offend any of us, they have somewhat offended all of us), or for some other reason, they won't say (I wish they would, as by not telling us we all seem to think they may be hiding some offensive reason, because normally they would just tell us). We go to them some years. I wish they would come to us sometimes. . .

So if you want to go to your kids, have an open and honest conversation with them.

amother

Electricblue

Sun, Apr 07 2024, 8:43 am

amother OP wrote:

We host our married children but I’m so tired. I’m 62 I’m bt I had children in my late 20’s and wondering when do married children start hosting parents for pesach.

Maybe it's just time not to host and make pesach yourself. Its ok to say it's too hard .

I started hosting my in laws in their 50s (I was a barely married in my 20s). I did it for nearly two decades and now I'm burnt out. Now they are really elderly I realize they took advantage me of me during a time they could've taken care of themselves and I feel very angry about it.

amother

DarkRed

Sun, Apr 07 2024, 8:43 am

It began when we moved into a larger house and had a guest room that could accommodate them. We're the only ones who have the space to host them. First it was just a shabbos here and there, then shavuos, then they came for almost all of succos the next year.
I think there's a point where I could see it was getting too much for them to host us, and it meant me cooking the whole yom tov when we came to them, so it's easier to cook in my own home, than go to theirs.

amother

DarkGray

Sun, Apr 07 2024, 8:45 am

I think I was 31 the first time I had my mom sleep over for pesach. I ordered beds to accommodate.
It's not an age thing. It's a stage thing and really a sensitivity.

amother

Arcticblue

Sun, Apr 07 2024, 8:47 am

We started hosting when it became too hard for us to go there, and we said, "We can't come but would be happy to have you." They would sometimes come for the whole thing and sometimes for only part. My mother was under 60. She would never have asked, but seemed relieved.

notshanarishona

Sun, Apr 07 2024, 8:48 am

We have hosted my in-laws occasionally. My parents still have single kids at home so they host. It’s not about age, it’s more about stage. When it’s too much work to pack up and travel with whatever age kids then it gets easier for parents to come to you. Also depends on how many siblings.

Hashem_Yaazor

Sun, Apr 07 2024, 8:52 am

My parents still make Pesach though I'm not sure it's really in their best interest, but we've hosted my in-laws. I think they stopped around 8-9 years ago and they go to different kids...

amother

Lilac

Sun, Apr 07 2024, 8:52 am

My parents are older than my in-laws by quite a bit. My MIL decided last year that it would be the last time she'd be hosting for Pesach because it was getting to be too much. My mother will make Pesach and host until 120, I think. We've offered many times to have them at our house instead, but that is absolutely not an option in her mind.

amother

Aster

Sun, Apr 07 2024, 8:53 am

Agree that it’s not age. We are Bt so naturally do not go to our parents. We host my mother in law, host my mother sometimes for sukkos, pesach would to if she came then. We are 30s k”h parents 70s k”h but have been doing this for awhile bh