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Forum
-> Yom Tov / Holidays
-> Pesach
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amother
OP
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 Tue, Apr 16 2024, 8:31 am
Hi,
I married a different background which didn’t bother me except when it comes to Pesach! My family goes on 5star programs and my in laws spend Pesach stuffed into a small apartment and eating very minimally. I always thought my in laws would understand but this year they put their foot down and we have to be with them for yuntif. I am nervous I am going to have to work, cook, clean… because my in laws are very helpless. They don’t really know how to take initiative and I know my sister in law tends to do a lot. I am just super frustrated because my family will be relaxing and eating lamb chops while I am peeling potatoes. And we are also super stressed if they will offer breakfast/lunch or we will have to eat out all those meals while still being there. I know I have a bad attitude about this but is it wrong if I put my foot down and not be helpful? I don’t really understand why we aren’t getting catering or going on a program because they can afford it they just don’t like to spend. It would be fine if they took care of things but it will end up being me and my sister in law.
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amother
Peach
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Tue, Apr 16 2024, 8:35 am
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I don’t get it. Why do your in laws decide what you do for pesach. Isn’t this a conversation between you and your husband?
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chestnut
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Tue, Apr 16 2024, 8:37 am
No, you can't put your foot down and not help while there for Yom tov.
How were they making pesach before their sons got married? And what does it mean they're helpless? They don't cook? Don't shop?
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amother
Dahlia
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Tue, Apr 16 2024, 8:37 am
How long are you married for? Have you ever spent pesach with your in laws? Now that you're married, you can't always have it your way & never spend yom tov with your in laws.
What does your husband say?
And no, you can't put your (spoiled) foot down and decide not to help over yom tov. I promise that you'll survive peeling potatoes.
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amother
Mintgreen
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Tue, Apr 16 2024, 8:38 am
I'm sorry that you feel this way, I do hope you realize how negative you're coming across though. So obviously I can't know exactly what goes on at your in laws, however I do know that everything depends on your attitude. If you go to them with the attitude you're showing right now, I have no doubt that you'll end up having a miserable yuntiff.
I'm not invalidating, I'm sure it's frustrating and annoying. But if you're already going, why not be positive about it?
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amother
Mintcream
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Tue, Apr 16 2024, 8:39 am
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Where are you even going to stay if they’re in a tiny apartment. No of course you don’t have to help. Your dh has a mitzvah of kibud av you don’t.
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chestnut
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Tue, Apr 16 2024, 8:39 am
| amother Peach wrote: | | I don’t get it. Why do your in laws decide what you do for pesach. Isn’t this a conversation between you and your husband? |
Sounds like OP and family has been going with her family to hotels all prior years and her in laws want their son's family to finally spend pesach with them?
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amother
Mintgreen
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Tue, Apr 16 2024, 8:41 am
Also. generally when you get invited for YT, the invite includes meals unless it's specifically said that it doesn't so I wouldn't worry about that.
And once you're there for meals it would b nice and menshlich to lend a hand with meal prep.
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chestnut
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Tue, Apr 16 2024, 8:41 am
| amother Mintcream wrote: | | Where are you even going to stay if they’re in a tiny apartment. No of course you don’t have to help. Your dh has a mitzvah of kibud av you don’t. |
Seriously??! Hope it's sarcasm or a joke of the day.
Last edited by chestnut on Tue, Apr 16 2024, 8:42 am; edited 1 time in total
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amother
Dahlia
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Tue, Apr 16 2024, 8:41 am
| amother Mintcream wrote: | | Where are you even going to stay if they’re in a tiny apartment. No of course you don’t have to help. Your dh has a mitzvah of kibud av you don’t. |
Huh? She has to help, because it's basic derech eretz & mentchlichkeit! Nothing to do with kibbud av.
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amother
Peach
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Tue, Apr 16 2024, 8:41 am
| chestnut wrote: | | Sounds like OP and family has been going with her family to hotels all prior years and her in laws want their son's family to finally spend pesach with them? |
That wasn’t what I gathered. It sounds like OP is a newlywed whose parents go to programs
OP can you clarify ?
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amother
Stoneblue
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Tue, Apr 16 2024, 8:42 am
I've spent my whole life peeling potatoes for Pesach so maybe it's hard for me to relate.
Don't your in laws also deserve a chance to have their children for YT?
Can you explain what you mean by your in laws being helpless? Pesach is a lot to do on your own without help, it's normal to help out your parents/ in laws when you're visiting.
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amother
Dahlia
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Tue, Apr 16 2024, 8:42 am
| amother Peach wrote: | That wasn’t what I gathered. It sounds like OP is a newlywed whose parents go to programs
OP can you clarify ? |
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chestnut
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Tue, Apr 16 2024, 8:44 am
| amother Peach wrote: | That wasn’t what I gathered. It sounds like OP is a newlywed whose parents go to programs
OP can you clarify ? |
She said it's "this year they put their foot down" for OP's family to spend pesach with them. Definitely not a newlywed.
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amother
Stoneblue
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Tue, Apr 16 2024, 8:44 am
| amother Dahlia wrote: | | OP mentioned that she has kids, so she's not newlywed. |
I don't see where she said she had kids. She might be a newlywed although my guess is it's at least her second Pesach married.
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amother
Dahlia
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Tue, Apr 16 2024, 8:45 am
| amother Stoneblue wrote: | | I don't see where she said she had kids. She might be a newlywed although my guess is it's at least her second Pesach married. |
Oops, I misread. My bad.
Thought she mentioned something about breakfast for the kids.
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chestnut
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Tue, Apr 16 2024, 8:46 am
| amother Dahlia wrote: | | OP mentioned that she has kids, so she's not newlywed. |
Didn't see anything about kids.
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chestnut
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Tue, Apr 16 2024, 8:48 am
| amother Dahlia wrote: | Oops, I misread. My bad.
Thought she mentioned something about breakfast for the kids. |
She mentioned about breakfast and lunch, nothing about kids. She might mean she'll have to fend for herself on chol hamoed and that her mil won't cook and/or serve breakfast and lunch? And probably also about breakfast on Yom tov.
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amother
Mintgreen
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Tue, Apr 16 2024, 8:48 am
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I'll be DLKZ and agree that OP is a newlywed or is up to her second or third Pesach married and truly doesn't realize how entitled and spoiled her Op sounds.
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chestnut
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Tue, Apr 16 2024, 8:49 am
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OP, unless your in-laws are super dysfunctional and there's literally no ingredients in the house to make food with, your post comes off as very entitled and spoiled brat like.
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