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Forum -> Chinuch, Education & Schooling

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justforfun87

Mon, May 13 2024, 6:38 am

Wanted to start a spinoff here. I was always under the impression that it was a community school. Granted it is a BY but I thought a point of pride was that girls come from all backgrounds. Put the Bat mitzvah conversation aside. An email came out yesterday of a dress code for parents. What really stuck out to me was that moms come with tights or knee socks. This really blew me away. Was this always the rule and I never realized? I have been showing up for years bare legged and closed toed shoes just out of respect. There is no way I am putting on tights/knee highs.

amother

Almond

Mon, May 13 2024, 6:56 am

the general trend today is that communities shift more towards the right over time.

especially as young (sometimes kollel) families move in with high standards and expectations.

im not saying right or wrong I just see this as a general thing and not specific to baltimore.

justforfun87

Mon, May 13 2024, 6:59 am

amother Almond wrote:

Tights are not even the standard when I look around town unless I am looking at the wrong people.

amother

Coffee

Mon, May 13 2024, 7:03 am

The way I read it was we strongly ask you to consider this dress code vs a rule per se. But I thought it was interesting that they are asking mothers to cover their legs.

mha3484

Mon, May 13 2024, 7:03 am

My kids schools have rules for how to dress in their building. Its how I dress anyway but how often are you really walking inside? No one cares what I wear on a Tuesday to the grocery store.

I live in a community that has a lot of similarities to Baltimore but we have a girls version of your TA so no one has to send to a bais yaakov if they don't want to. If your only options are BY or Co- Ed I can see why someone would be frustrated at being told what to do. The school should respect that more.

amother

Chambray

Mon, May 13 2024, 7:04 am

Really??? I grew up in Baltimore, graduated not too long ago from BY and am so surprised by this. Yes, they've been leaning towards pleasing the yeshivish crowd more than the modern crowd, but this is beyond that. BY has always been b'shitta not involved in outside of school life. Even the newer rule about phones is only if you want to bring your phone to school and leave it in the office.
What division of the school is this from?

Ruchel

Mon, May 13 2024, 7:09 am

It's basically expected of teachers and moms to cover the moms where I am
In vacay though it seems many many don't especially the girls

Bnei Berak 10

Mon, May 13 2024, 7:09 am

Didn't the BM thread mention something about a new manager in the school?

amother

Ballota

Mon, May 13 2024, 7:11 am

I send to TA and I know they send a tznius reminder to parents a few times a year but it addresses fathers mostly. It says they should not come to the campus in jeans and baseball hats (which most jean wearers/baseball hat wearers ignore anyway). It's the really wealthy dads who show up on campus that way, they just do it. They ask the moms to dress "kavodig to a yeshiva" but don't really go into more detail. But there are lots of open toed shoes of mothers at events, some moms with pretty short skirts too. TA's nishmasi program frightens me also. I know it's optional now but I wonder what's to come. I see it as overreach and not why we send to TA.

I have a friend who sends to OCA and she got a nastygram from the head of school because she was wearing pants to an event, as she came right from work. I saw a picture from that event (my husband took the pic) and in her pants, she was more tznius than the mother next to her in a low cut top, short sleeves, and a skirt above her knees.

These letters bother me. Baltimore is not this kind of town, I have no idea who they think they are kidding.

amother

Lavender

Mon, May 13 2024, 7:20 am

amother Ballota wrote:

What is TA's nishmasi program?

amother

Chambray

Mon, May 13 2024, 7:24 am

Bnei Berak 10 wrote:

Didn't the BM thread mention something about a new manager in the school?

There's a new principal in the middle school but I highly doubt these things are coming from him. My guess is parental pressure on the board

amother

Catmint

Mon, May 13 2024, 7:24 am

amother Lavender wrote:

What is TA's nishmasi program?

quoting another poster here too:
"TA's nishmasi program frightens me also. I know it's optional now but I wonder what's to come. I see it as overreach and not why we send to TA."

I'm not sure why the nishmasi program frightens you! Its really very low key in my opinion, and it has led to very positive changes in my house. I was trying for ages to cut my kids screen time, but it was always a fight. Now its not a fight anymore, my boys say "mom, I cant watch a video now, remember, nishmasi right?" No more screen time fights are very positive in my book!
and the school is so positive about everything, they are trying to make it cool to not waste so much time on gadgets and screens. You know what, it IS cool, and it IS positive! My kids play more with each other, and neighbors, get on with their homework earlier etc.

The program rules are:
1. All internet capable devices will be owned by my parents.
2. From Monday to Thursday, I will not use technology for entertainment purposes
(except for viewing sports)
3. Devices accessible to me will be appropriately filtered.
4. My parents will monitor and establish boundaries for my technology use

I think this is great. And yes its optional, with great prizes and trips! I am grateful to TA for offering this program, and am not sure why it would frighten anyone. Its not overreach. Its helping us do whats healthy for our kids.

amother

DarkOrange

Mon, May 13 2024, 7:24 am

mha3484 wrote:

I don't have girls, so I could be wrong, but I always understood BY in Baltimore as the girls equivalent of TA.

mha3484

Mon, May 13 2024, 7:27 am

So all the more so if your more of centrist/jpf hashkafa your going to alienate a lot of parents if your pushing a yeshivish way of doing things on people who primarily are not and dont want to be. You have to read the room when you make rules.

amother

Ballota

Mon, May 13 2024, 7:33 am

amother Catmint wrote:

It frightens me because TA has never discussed what the kids do at home. Then they started the program where kids don't play ball on shabbos - optional. Then nishmasi - optional. For now.

You know who parents my kids? ME. My husband. We decide when they can go on a screen, not TA, not an optional program with a prize and trip. It's on me to parent and to limit screen time. It's not for the school or any other outside source to deal with the screen time fight in my home. I'm the parent. Using nishmasi as the excuse rubs me the wrong way.

The snow day this year with the cute poem? That the principal was unwilling to bend the nishmasi rules for? The one that told working parents to make snow day memories with the kids and not let them go on screen? Were we all supposed to take the day off work?

Aside from that, so many of the kids are flat out lying. How do I know? My kid plays minecraft with his classmates during the week. But he does not participate in nishmasi and they do. So my older son, when he applied to high school and he was asked about his screen time, he was honest and said his parents allow a small amount per day and that's what he does, from the dining room table. He did not get into mesivtas that his lying friends got into due to the screen time (I was told this by the menahel who rejected him). His friends are on minecraft ALL HOURS of the night. And they flat out lied when asked. So tell me, who is teaching their kids to be yashar? The one who says yes, you can have 30 mins. a night and this is because your parents believe this is ok? Or the ones who give a laptop in the kids room, unlimited screen time, and then say shhhhhh. And who got into the "better" mesivta" Not my honest son.

If I can't parent, and deal with a fight or whiny kids, I don't want the school to be the scapegoat. It's not how I parent.

Why does it scare me? Because I now envision a time when TA will make a no screen time rule, not optional program. I worry this is the precursor to that.

amother

Ballota

Mon, May 13 2024, 7:34 am

amother DarkOrange wrote:

I don't have girls, so I could be wrong, but I always understood BY in Baltimore as the girls equivalent of TA.

I sent to Bnos (daughter recently graduated) and TA. I don't think there are any equivalent schools in town.

amother

Petunia

Mon, May 13 2024, 7:39 am

amother Ballota wrote:

I agree with you. My son is one of the few in his grade not participating. We read the guidelines and he said, “I don’t want to do that”.
I’m fine with that. We monitor his screen use, but he likes to play Minecraft and Khan Academy, and watch Lego tutorials, etc. I think those are fine activities in moderation and he’s also very physically active to balance that. (ADHD)

I’d rather have a kid who’s honest about that than feel like he has to hide it. I’d be very upset if it became the standard expectation. He’s still very young, but I’d rather he learn to manage technology and harness its incredible usefulness than shy away from it.

amother

Ballota

Mon, May 13 2024, 7:43 am

amother Petunia wrote:

I agree with you. My son is one of the few in his grade not participating. We read the guidelines and he said, “I don’t want to do that”.
I’m fine with that. We monitor his screen use, but he likes to play Minecraft and Kahn Academy, and watch Lego tutorials, etc. I think those are fine activities in moderation and he’s also very physically active to balance that. (ADHD)

I’d rather have a kid who’s honest about that than feel like he has to hide it. I’d be very upset if it became the standard expectation. He’s still very young, but I’d rather he learn to manage technology and harness its incredible usefulness than shy away from it.

Same.

I made, with my boys, computer time coupons. They are in 5 minute increments, and on any day I tell them how much time they have to use. There are guidelines (if they have to take out the dog their time does not pause, etc.), all screen is off by 8:30 even if time is unused, and more rules. Most nights they get 30 mins, and most nights they leave time unused. But there is no fight, there is no control issue because the boys feel like they are in control of their time - and they are.

amother

Catmint

Mon, May 13 2024, 7:47 am

amother Ballota wrote:

wow, I hear you... I am so surprised and disappointed about the high school application... I'm sorry about that. Hopefully you will find that the high school your son goes to in the end will be a good place for him. In fact, with the middas ha'emes that you have clearly instilled in him, I am SURE that your son will go a long way.

In the meantime, I don't think TA will ever make a no-screen time rule, I think it will always be an optional program. Why do I think that? Because TA is a community school and they will never want to push away people who will be put off by this. And also I don't think that could ever happen because ultimately the school is run by the board, and the board has a very varied group of people on there, including members of the board who are more modern, or who are happy for thier kids to have screentime.
Honestly, I have been connected to TA as a parent for over 15 years now. (My boys are very spread out) and I really feel that it's a community school. It only has a small number of yeshivish type families, and I think it would be being totally tone-deaf to its parent body if they did what you are suggesting. I don't think its happening, don't worry.

amother

Zinnia

Mon, May 13 2024, 7:50 am

I don't send to BY so I am not sure what the letter said.

However, TA has sent out multiple emails about dress code for the parents(not specifically on socks) whenever coming on campus.

Also, if the school requires the girls to wear knee highs or tights (which I know they do starting in certain grades) and they see parents coming to school without, it gives them mixed messages.

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