was this rude? | Imamother

octopus

Sun, Oct 12 2008, 2:56 pm

I was pushing my son in an umbrella stroller and wearing my daughter in my baby bjorn baby carrier. An older frum women stopped me and said, "you should really hold one hand over your baby. It's just a piece of material , you know." (I.e. baby could fall chas v'shalom).

I didn't say anything, but it really annoyed me. I suspect that she has never used a baby carrier before. It wasn't like I was bending with my baby. I was just walking.

What do you think? Do you need to hold your baby while using a baby carrier?

BeershevaBubby

Sun, Oct 12 2008, 3:01 pm

Not if it's worn properly...

Now if my hands weren't full, sometimes I'd simply rest my hands on him simply because it was comfortable.

octopus

Sun, Oct 12 2008, 3:08 pm

I was wearing it properly. I also sometimes rest my hands on my baby if I have a hand free. But today I was pushing a stroller, too.

I just have a feeling this women (who was really older) never wore a baby carrier before. She made it sound like she thought it was a dangerous way to take a baby out.

I just love the helpful pieces of advice I get now and then from strangers. Like my mother always says, advice that you get for free is usually worth that- absolutely nothing.

Ima'la

Sun, Oct 12 2008, 3:12 pm

I know what you mean about unsolicited advice being annoying, but I've learned that life is more pleasant when I chill out and take it for what it is - honest concern.

In your situation, if it were a stranger just passing by, I would say thanks and smile, and perhaps put my hand on the baby for a second to humor her as I walked by. If it were someone I'd continue to encounter, I'd say something more like, "Thanks for your concern, but these are designed with safety standards and really are very secure."

BeershevaBubby

Sun, Oct 12 2008, 3:12 pm

The best way to deal with it, I've found?

Smile and nod and keep on walking...

GAMZu

Sun, Oct 12 2008, 3:15 pm

People are ignorant... but they want to give advice. Just smile and nod.

I've gotten a comment with a baby in my hotsling that I was ruining his back. What

Nothing to do about it.

realeez

Sun, Oct 12 2008, 3:31 pm

GAMZu wrote:

People are ignorant... but they want to give advice. Just smile and nod.

I've gotten a comment with a baby in my hotsling that I was ruining his back. What

Nothing to do about it.

How do you keep yourself from rolling your eyes at some of these "helpful" people? Like the time I was pushing 2 napping children home from the supermarket and someone stopped to tell me that the sun would bother their eyes! If they are sleeping, obviously they are fine and even if not, should I wait in the supermarket until nightful? Rolling Eyes

cassandra

Sun, Oct 12 2008, 3:35 pm

My kids used to sleep in a very weird position in their infant car seats. As often as we would reposition them, use supports, etc., they'd end up back in that position. People yelled at me all the time that I was injuring them. I went through this with four kids. You know the phrase "it takes a village"? Consider this your version.

Clarissa

Sun, Oct 12 2008, 3:44 pm

My son had a birthmark and this strange woman came up to us once, actually poked him in it and said, "Have you had this looked at to make sure it's not something dangerous?" I could have done without the poking.

Generally, strangers are well-meaning and annoying. I always smile and thank them for telling me that my kid isn't wearing a hat or his head is too tilted or whatever. Let them feel they did a good deed for the day. I sometimes figure they're lonely and want to take care of strangers.

As long as they don't poke.

cassandra

Sun, Oct 12 2008, 3:49 pm

My last two babies had/have really chubby cheeks and they get pinched constantly by complete strangers. At least most of them know they are doing something inappropriate and add "Sorry, I just can't help it."

Clarissa

Sun, Oct 12 2008, 3:53 pm

cassandra wrote:

Do you ever get tempted to reach out and give the pincher a squeeze and tell her you can't help yourself?

cassandra

Sun, Oct 12 2008, 3:55 pm

Clarissa wrote:

cassandra wrote:

Do you ever get tempted to reach out and give the pincher a squeeze and tell her you can't help yourself?

Unfortunately I can relate to the impulse. I pinch my baby's cheeks all the time.

sunshine!

Sun, Oct 12 2008, 3:59 pm

Kissing and pinching are two different things. My brother had good "Pinchable cheeks", and there was this guy in shul that made him cry every Shabbos by giving him a gezunte "knip". After my father repeatedly asked the young man to stop and was ignored, my father actually DID pinch the man on Purim. Message received.

shosh

Sun, Oct 12 2008, 4:34 pm

I used to have round cheeks (well, still do), but as a child it was a nightmare. And shul was always the biggest danger zone. There was always someone who'd pinch my cheeks and I'd cry. And I'd be told, "They're only doing because they think you're cute!" And I used to always think that that was a very strange way of showing it ....

Stepmum

Sun, Oct 12 2008, 6:03 pm

Being pregnant, I find it so strange how people just come over to me and start touching/rubbing my stomach! I'm tempted to reach over and rub them back!

amother

Sun, Oct 12 2008, 6:36 pm

re baby bjorn, how old is your baby octopus? and how big. My baby at first was under the birth weight recomended for the carrier and I asked a health nurse about it. She told me it was ok to use it when he was that small as long as I was also supporting/holding him.

now let me ask you something ladies. the other day I saw a lady using a baby bjorn with a infant and the grey straps at the top where the head was were completely loose. Aren't they supposed to be tightened a bit to support baby's head. I was considering politely telling her that she could tighten those straps in case she hadn't noticed them but I was too shy. What do you think?

mimivan

Sun, Oct 12 2008, 6:43 pm

amother, since you actually use one yourself and know what you are talking about, why not?

Elderly ladies go nuts when they see my Maya wrap..especially in frum communities where they aren't worn often. But when a woman who uses one came up and told me it wasn't tight enough, I thanked her for the advice because she knew what she was talking about.

yes, the older ladies are genuinely concerned. I wouldn't call it rude if they really mean well...I sometimes wonder if there isn't a bit of subtle hostility in it, but I prefer not to look at it this way...

Fox

Sun, Oct 12 2008, 6:48 pm

mimivan wrote:

...I sometimes wonder if there isn't a bit of subtle hostility in it, but I prefer not to look at it this way...

And since many elderly ladies aren't Internet savvy, they have no forum to argue about parenting like we do! LOL

octopus

Sun, Oct 12 2008, 6:51 pm

my baby is six months, amother.

Technically, I can have her facing front, but I still have her facing me.