living a double standard life

shabbatiscoming

Sun, Oct 26 2008, 9:47 am

bubby wrote:

Fortunately, these people are the very tiny minority. Unfortunately, they're such a glaring contrast to what's expected that they stand out like snow in July. So it becomes even more imperative for the rest of us to ALWAYS be seen making a Kiddush Hashem, whether on vacation in Miami Beach or in Meah Shearim etc.

Can you avoid them, Shabbatiscoming?

cant avoid them, they are my husband's sister and family, so....but we try to go there as little as possible.

ChossidMom

Sun, Oct 26 2008, 9:54 am

I don't have much to add to the amazing post by Fox and the other insightful ones by Raizle and others.
I will say this, though:

If she had her hand up his shirt there is something seriously not right over there. (Separate issue, of course, from the not talking nicely or maybe NOT). I wouldn't expect to see that kind of behavior at an MO house either.

shabbatiscoming

Sun, Oct 26 2008, 10:12 am

ChossidMom wrote:

thanks chossidmom, that is what I was trying to say, a few times now, that even myself included would never do that and I am MO. its just wrong to do such a thing in public or with people (and ones children, I think) around.

Dalia Nechama

Sun, Nov 02 2008, 9:29 pm

shosh wrote:

"You should always be the mensch, because you can control what you do but you can't do a thing about other people," and I think that's so true ...

This is absolutely true. There are some who judge people's frumkeit based on the externals. They are more frum because he wears a long kapota and she wears a hat on top of her sheitel. Maybe they are, maybe not. We can all point to apparent charadim who do despicable things. If they see nothing wrong with what they are doing, I wouldn't consider them frum regardless of what they wear. If they are struggling to improve and live up to their standards, they are on the path. BTW, I would not consider what your relative are doing "despicable." You may not hold them up as role models, but they just sound flawed. We all are in some way. These areas don't sound like my personal struggles, but I have mine as well. Their condescending attitude would drive me batty, however.

Anyway, I can't change anyone's behavior but my own. I feel embarrassed and saddened when outwardly frum people do horrible things, but I can't change them. G-d will take care of them, in this world or the next. I need to make sure that I strive to be what I wish to be in ruchniyus -- Work on myself and let the rest wash over me -- Daven for integrity in my own life.