explaining why a word is not a nice word

amother

Thu, Aug 13 2009, 7:31 pm

Every now and then I have to explain to my kids that a certain word or term isn't nice.
They know about basic swear words that we all agree on that are rude but then there are the grey areas that not everyone views as a rude word.

Yesterday I heard my daughter and niece (teen and pre-teen) calling each other "sucker". They were arguing over who run a race.
I immediately told my daughter it's not a nice word and I don't want her using it.
"Why?" "what does it mean anyway?" "everyone uses it?"
I tried telling her that although I'm not 100% certain of the meaning and I suspect it comes from a rude source (oy mistake saying that because now she wants to know what I mean) I find it simply a crass and grub word.
"what does crass mean?"
The opposite of aidle.

And yeah I also tried the if everyone jumps off a cliff would you too? line LOL

My daughter is an aidle child and has complained to me about girls saying certain words in front of her and she is concerned that she will become immune to it, so I'm not worried about her listening to me or not, I know she will, but how do I explain these things?
For example the word idiot. She wants to know what's worse.
idiot even though it's nasty is a far more wildly use term and I've said it before for example if a car cuts me off or does something dangerous I'll refer to the driver as an idiot.
So where do we draw the line? why am I less comfortable with a word like sucker? simply because I never spoke that way? Is it any worse? what's the difference?
does sucker actually come from a dirty source like I suspect?
and how do you explain when a word is simply not acceptable even if you don't know what it means but just know it's a crass term?

mummiedearest

Thu, Aug 13 2009, 8:07 pm

rather than explain what a word means, why not ask your daughter what she thinks it means? yes, the word "sucker" can be used in a very crass way. it also is a word that used to refer to lollipops. I'm assuming she wasn't calling her friend a form of candy. considering that she doesn't know the etymology of the word, she may think it means baby. sucking the thumb, pacifier, bottle... you can always tell her she shouldn't call her friends any name that is meant negatively. and try to come up with a different vocabulary for the car. as a kid I picked up some bad words from various drivers. I remember embarrassing my mother heavily by cursing in front of the neighbors. when she told me I shouldn't say that, I said," but xyz says it in the car..."

leomom

Sat, Aug 15 2009, 10:05 pm

Sucker comes from the innocent verb "to suck," as in suckle, as in helpless, ignorant little newborn. So a sucker is easily deceived. It's not a crass word at all, but like any insult, it's not nice to call someone.

The other meaning of the verb, which although I just wrote it, I will not write here, to bring the point home... is indeed crass, does derive from the word for a s-xual act, and no child or adult who cares how they are perceived should be saying it.

Aribenj

Sun, Aug 16 2009, 1:34 am

Well my kids are younger. But I usuallly tell 4 year old dd that people who say ugly words look ugly themselves. And to illustrate that, when she watches sleeping beauty, the evil witch actually says "idiot" (I didn't remember that was in the movie!) and I told her, "see? look how ugly the witch looks when she says ugly words"

Seems to work for her!

amother

Sun, Aug 16 2009, 2:56 am

Aribenj wrote:

OP here
my response is also to shaklee mom
I'm not into making things up.
Aribenj what will happen if she ever sees a pretty person using a not so pretty word? There goes mommies theory about ugly words and ugly people, what else does mommy say that may not be so?

And shaklee as they get older they are going to find out your explanations are not true and not take you seriously.

leomom

Sun, Aug 16 2009, 3:42 am

amother wrote:

Aribenj wrote:

But ShakleeMom's definition of the b-word IS true. And no one has responded to my post, which directly answered the OP's question about the word "sucker."

Aribenj

Sun, Aug 16 2009, 8:49 am

amother wrote:

Aribenj wrote:

Pretty is as pretty does. That's the beauty of it. It teaches her to look for inner beauty/inner ugliness. The point is that bad words make pretty people ugly because their ugly side comes out and she's learning to see that.

amother

Tue, Dec 31 2013, 11:01 am

you should not be explaining each word. Just say that it's a word that nice people don't use.

I once questioned my friend about her boys. They go to the same school as my son. My son was coming home saying bad words - picked up on the bus, at recess .... so I asked my friend if her boys were saying bad words too - surely they were hearing them at this school. She responded that of course her boys heard the same things my son heard, they were just smart enough to know that it was not appropriate to repeat them! So, we have a job to do ... we have to mechanech our children and if we don't do it - who will?