Never say disgusting?

amother

Mon, Sep 21 2009, 7:28 am

My mother told me that its terrible to call your kids' excrement disgusting because its something "your kid made" and hence it is not disgusting, and that calling it disgusting will give your kid a bad body image and also make them want to hold it in because they don't want to make something disgusting.

Agree or disagree?

I strongly disagree. Poop is disgusting. If you don't tell your kid that it is disgusting, how else do you get them to not play with it, eat it, stick their hands in it, poo other places than the toilet/diaper, etc???
I say "Don't touch that poop, its disgusting" and I don't think I'm harming my kids.

Who is right? Me or my mom?

lilacdreams

Mon, Sep 21 2009, 8:16 am

I agree with mom. Kids will be scared to poop if they know something disgusting is going to come. They will get paranoid.

We taught not to touch it because you don't touch poop. No need for disgusting atall IMHO.

Bodily fluids/excretions are not disgusting and you want to be sure to give your children an appreciation of their bodily functions (and what a miracle it is that the body works so well) - not to scare them from them.

yOungM0mmy

Mon, Sep 21 2009, 8:24 am

I also agree, and don't think it is appropriate to call it disgusting. I have taught my 3 year old that we don't touch, because there are germs, and that is why we wash our hands each time. He also knows that certain parts of his body are only to be touched in the bathroom, and if he does touch himself while sitting someplace else, I don't yell at him that it's disgusting, either.

lilacdreams

Mon, Sep 21 2009, 8:30 am

right I meant to mention that also. That private parts aren't disgusting. I have never told my children not to touch themselves - just that if they want to touch their private parts, they must do it in *private* ie the bathroom or bedroom. When my dd's were very young I found one of them "enjoying" herself and rushed to ask my rebetzin what to do. (without saying her name she is a very well respected lady in Jerusalem who lectures on the topic of young children) This is what she told me, to not make them feel bad - because it isn't bad - it *does* feel good and you don't want them to become ashamed of private parts feeling good. So we just encourage them to do their thing in private - normally they can't be bothered going to another room and just stop, but atleat they dont come away thinking what they were doing was disgusting or bad. Sorry for going slightly OT. For boys it is probably a bit more complicated but so far I havent had to worry about boys doing it.

amother

Mon, Sep 21 2009, 9:18 am

lilacdreams wrote:

OP here. I am not talking about private parts. I deliberately did not bring that up in this thread. I would not say private parts are disgusting, but poop IS.

Don't you think little little kids (the kinds that would be playing/touching poop) are a little too young to understand the concept of germs? I know my kids dont understand germs, but do understand disgusting. So far my saying disgusting hasnt traumatized them, nor has it hindered their potty training process... I just get a lecture from my mom each time he hears me say "disgusting"- "How can you say that something he/she made is disgusting??? Exploding anger

lilacdreams

Mon, Sep 21 2009, 9:42 am

Ruchel wrote:

No one goes to the chuppa in diapers. Do what you think is right, act naturally, don't "try too hard" with all kinds of rules of what you can say or not.

Just my opinion of course.

this is good advice.
OTOH a child taught to abhor his bodily functions will probably feel the same way about the good bodily functions also. I am sure there are plenty of women here who were never taught that some bodily functions are enjoyable, but for sure were taught some are pretty disgusting.

yOungM0mmy

Mon, Sep 21 2009, 1:24 pm

My 3 year old is actually fascinated with his poop - counts how many pieces come out, and has a good look! But he never touched, and he I have explained that there are germs, and he knows that if he touches, it could make him ill. My 22 month old, however, obviously does not understand, and once tried to make soup in the toilet. I admit I yelled at him, but not that it's disgusting - just really strongly never to do it again, and it seems he got the message - he hasn't done it again since (and I am much more careful about keeping the lid down and doors closed). I probably have used the word disgusting while changing disgusting diapers, but my 3 year old is the only one trained, and he needed it to be a positive experience, so we focused on what a big boy he is, rather than on how disgusting.

sugaray

Mon, Sep 21 2009, 9:39 pm

I think I agree with OP on this one but obviously be normal about it. I dont think it traumatizes a kid when you call poop disgusting when it is touched or on the floor, in his underwear or whatever. because it is. you are not telling them that they are disgusting or that their body is disgusting and I think that is clear, even to them.
a parent recently told me that her daughters preschool calls poop "dirty" and she was horrified by this because how can you make a child think that what comes out of him is dirty (ie disgusting)??

I think ppl go overboard on this. just be normal. dont harp on it.

anonymom

Mon, Sep 21 2009, 10:01 pm

When my oldest graduated from diapers to toilet, we continued to call it dirty. Instead of a "dirty" diaper, she would make a "dirty" or a "wet" in the toilet. In fact, I thought it was the "cleanest" way to say it, but now I realize how funny that is. Too late, cuz that's what all my kids call it.