Would you leave teenagers at home alone?

momomany

Tue, Apr 28 2009, 7:10 pm

I have baruch hashem 3 really responsible, mature, trustworthy teenage sons ranging in age from 16 to 18. When dh & I went away for a week, they had the house keys, but they stayed at their grandparents (for the short hours that they were home after yeshiva) & the computer was disconnected. I love them, trust them & we have open avenues of communication & we discussed with them beforehand why we felt this was the right way. They had no complaints. I believe in "lifnei iver lo sitain michshol" (somebody PLEASE translate)

wubby

Tue, Apr 28 2009, 7:18 pm

if your kids are not trustworthy, than no. but, on the other hand, if they are trustworthy, and you don't let them stay home alon, they may think that you don't trust them.

Aribenj

Tue, Apr 28 2009, 10:38 pm

Teens WILL go nuts when their parents are not around.

It just depends on your child and on your rules.

My parents left me home alone when I was 16 and I took the opportunity to make brownies, and eat the batter, in their room, in front of their tv all night. (GASP! ok, all of these were major rules in the house. No junk food, no eating in bedrooms, no watching tv in their room)

So if that's the biggest trouble they'll get themselves into, I wouldn't worry about it...

greenfire

Tue, Apr 28 2009, 11:10 pm

been there - done that ...

didn't stop hearing about the massive party ... the beer, the streaker who ran down the block ... the neighbor who warned them when the cops were called ... hmmmmm ... they tried to clean up the mess - but there was evidence all over - and I mean ALL OVER !!!

elf123

Tue, Apr 28 2009, 11:31 pm

Is there not an issue of yichud in certain circumstances? Don't bash, just curious....

Raizle

Tue, Apr 28 2009, 11:35 pm

chocolate moose wrote:

kikavu wrote:

chocolate moose wrote:

No way. I wouldn't leave my 20'somethings at home either.

You're kidding, right? How many 19, 20 year olds are mothers?

I will rephrase. I wouldn't leave my kids, who are 19 years old and 21 years old respectively, home alone for days at a time.

would you let them get married?

HindaRochel

Wed, Apr 29 2009, 12:37 am

Depends on the kids.
If your child is normally dependable and honest and sticks (basically) to the rules, and 16+ I would leave them home for a day or two.

But if your child is having trouble obeying basic rules, has gotten him or herself in trouble, then trouble is going to come if you leave them home alone.

sequoia

Wed, Apr 29 2009, 12:47 am

elf123 wrote:

Is there not an issue of yichud in certain circumstances? Don't bash, just curious....

I would think only if it was one brother and one sister and they were living together for an extended period of time.

shosh

Wed, Apr 29 2009, 1:05 am

I think it also depends on your kids' friends.

I don't know what I'll do when my kids are a little older, especially as I am a single parent and often in need of babysitters. Even now, I find myself leaving them alone with my 10 or 11 yr old in charge if I have to go round the corner to the grocer or something for a short while. (I'd never leave them on their own if I go out of the neighbourhood.) My oldest at home, who is nearly 13, is less of an option for that than his two younger siblings, who are far more responsible than he is. It would be a very long time, if ever that I'd leave him in charge. But as the others grow older, then it'll become possible.

But sometimes the child him or herself is not the problem, but their friends are. I remember once when I was about 17, my parents and sis went out somewhere and I was allowed to invite a small group of friends from the local Jewish community round to my house. One girl (who was not exactly the greatest and ended up about a year later getting pg by a [gentile] and marrying him) decided to tell some unsavoury non jews about our gathering. I don't know what she told them, as it just a small get-together rather than a party, but before I knew it, a non jewish girl and boy whom I remembered from my elementary school days (and hated even then), barged their way into the house. They strode up to my parents' drinks cabinet and I found them drinking their way through it. After various threats and a lot of shouting, we got rid of them. But it spoilt the atmosphere, and I felt really guilty as they had polished off a bottle of expensive liquor! My parents were understanding, as it wasn't me that had been irresponsible, but it ruined the gathering and I felt kind of violated by the invasion of these two individuals, who had no problem marching into someone else's house uninvited.

The question is how your kids, even if responsible, would handle such a situation and if there's anyone they could turn to in a crisis.

BeershevaBubby

Wed, Apr 29 2009, 4:00 am

Why not have your kids go to the friends for these 2-3 days?

You didn't say how old your kids are or how mature and responsible they are.

I would leave my 17 and 18 year olds home alone for a few days but not allow them to have any sleep-over guests. I don't want to be long-distance responsible for other people's children.

ruthla

Sun, May 24 2009, 1:56 pm

It depends on your children- their ages, their maturity, how they interact with one another, etc.

As for inviting friends over, it depends on those individuals as well. I don't think I'd leave them home alone with a blanket statement "invite a few friends over." But I might say "OK, Estie and Chani can sleep over but I'd rather you only invited Leah over when I'm around."

And if you have both boys and girls, the issue of having friends sleep over becomes a whole lot more complicated- again, it depends on the individuals being invited over, how they interact with one another, etc.

I routinely leave my 13 and 14yos home alone for a few hours at a time. I routinely let them babysit my 7yo, and they've babysat for friends' children as well. But I wouldn't feel comfortable leaving them without any adult supervision for several days in a row. It was very hard on them when DS was hospitalized a few months back, and my parents are right downstairs. Of course, that was more than 2-3 days, and I hadn't been able to properly prepare the household (no easy meals to grab from the fridge) and they were scared because DS was sick, etc. Things might have gone smoother had this been a planned trip away, not a "quick trip to take DS to the doctor" that ended up with me not being home for 5 days.

But, overall, I wouldn't plan on leaving my daughters home alone, with no adults, at 13 and 14 years old. If they were 16 and 17, it might be a completely different situation- or it might not. I'll have to see what they're like in a few years.