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Forum
-> Parenting our children
-> Infants
shalhevet
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 Sat, Sep 10 2011, 3:33 pm
| veganesther wrote: | | color coded decorations is NEW. 50 years ago frum people had no such thing. |
This is a joke, right? 
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StrongIma
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Sat, Sep 10 2011, 3:41 pm
| chocolate moose wrote: | | on't know how it's accomplished when Friday night is YK. | we had our last one on YK - guys came and sat around the clean, empty table, saying DT and mazel tov - we served lollipops to any kids that came along.
(the younger sibs got the msg that arbis isn't our minhag because of this.  )
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ally
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Sat, Sep 10 2011, 3:44 pm
| shalhevet wrote: | | veganesther wrote: | | color coded decorations is NEW. 50 years ago frum people had no such thing. |
This is a joke, right? |
My father says this tradition must be relatively new based on the Rashi which says rain on a friday night is a bracha, since noone leaves the house then.(VaYikra 26:4)
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freidasima
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Sat, Sep 10 2011, 5:20 pm
relatively new can also be 600 years old...Rashi was...1000 years ago you know..
Sholom Zochor is a lovely tradition, but doesn't have to be more than cake, arbis and cold drinks. In fact I have never heard of one that has more. The mother and the baby don't have to come out even, and it's rather new that women go, usually it is a bunch of men and they sing and say divrei torah and eat arbis and sign and kvetch and then go home.
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Raisin
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Sat, Sep 10 2011, 5:24 pm
| freidasima wrote: | relatively new can also be 600 years old...Rashi was...1000 years ago you know..
Sholom Zochor is a lovely tradition, but doesn't have to be more than cake, arbis and cold drinks. In fact I have never heard of one that has more. The mother and the baby don't have to come out even, and it's rather new that women go, usually it is a bunch of men and they sing and say divrei torah and eat arbis and sign and kvetch and then go home. |
until recently women stayed in hospital much longer so probably missed it. I missed both of mine I think, and wasn't all that bothered. (my feminist side doesn't like it  )
people make colour coordinated shalom zachors?
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bandcm
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Sat, Sep 10 2011, 7:26 pm
a) Why in the world does the new mother have to get involved - its her husbands party. She should be in bed, or in the hospital.
b) If the reason is to comfort the neshama, why isnt there a Shalom Nekeiva - dont girls learn Torah in the womb.
c) The beer is because the gemara says beer is excellent for nursing mothers. (I once had a problem with milk, my husband made me drink a can of beer and ten minutes later there was an overabundance.)
d) My keyboard isnt letting me punctuate properly.
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Raisin
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Sat, Sep 10 2011, 7:36 pm
| bandcm wrote: | a) Why in the world does the new mother have to get involved - its her husbands party. She should be in bed, or in the hospital.
b) If the reason is to comfort the neshama, why isnt there a Shalom Nekeiva - dont girls learn Torah in the womb.
c) The beer is because the gemara says beer is excellent for nursing mothers. (I once had a problem with milk, my husband made me drink a can of beer and ten minutes later there was an overabundance.)
d) My keyboard isnt letting me punctuate properly. |
a) I agree
b) Honestly I think the whole things stems from the days when boys were much more wanted then girls. Neither me or my husband feel that way, bh, baby girls are just as welcome as boys around here. But I guess we do it cause of minhag. But not a huge deal.
c) Thats not really true but people think so. My mother was also given beer in the hospital.
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Blueberry Muffin
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Sat, Sep 10 2011, 9:12 pm
| bandcm wrote: |
b) If the reason is to comfort the neshama, why isnt there a Shalom Nekeiva - dont girls learn Torah in the womb. |
...my parents made me a Shalom Bat the shabbas after I was born.......
(I didnt do it for my girls - I didnt even think to do it)
then again - like a said above when a special simcha happens during a week - the shabbas b4 that event we do something special - so there is readon to do it the shabbas b4 a bris... no bris for a girl, so not necessary.
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shanie5
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Sat, Sep 10 2011, 10:01 pm
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If the beer is for nursing, why is it served to the men?
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StrongIma
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Sun, Sep 11 2011, 1:43 am
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I think we do it for boys davka because they have to wait longer than girls to get their name, meaning that 1st shabbos they're all still missing attachment to the root of their soul.
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Lovemylife
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Sun, Sep 11 2011, 8:08 am
My DS was born on Friday morning, and my DH spent Shabbat in the hospital with me. Friday he dropped off a platter of cookies and some chickpeas at the boys dorm and asked them to celebrate after dinner that night.
That was it.
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Rodent
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Sun, Sep 11 2011, 9:43 am
It depends on your minhagim I guess.
4 boys and no shalom zachor here, not something that we do or care to do.
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bandcm
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Sun, Sep 11 2011, 11:20 am
| shanie5 wrote: | | If the beer is for nursing, why is it served to the men? |
Just because the party is connected to birth. You might ask - the mother is the one who produced life, so why give chickpeas to the men.
Raisin, beer does work, why do you say it doesnt. I have seen it work several times, and not just with me.
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Ruchel
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Sun, Sep 11 2011, 1:31 pm
I asked DH if he was often invited to this because I only heard of a couple in all my life (and they had to explain long and hard what it was all about, some even sent a lengthy email about it).
DH said many people don't have the minhag, and among those who have the minhag many make it ultra low key (just parents, apparently? it does make sense because of shabbes), or just cannot (at hospital you don't receive visits at night and it's ultra complicated to have shomer shabbes coming and going). I imagine if the dad is at home and mom and baby are at hopistal it is much more doable, but is the father so "party minded"? this may be cultural, but in my world he is totally "absent" in mind even it's even less fun on shabbes...
Apparently the problem is the same for those who make a simchat bat on shabbes (many avoid since it isn't a date set in stone for many, and they would rather have the mom there, as I learned when I was planning one for dd), and also if vach nacht is on shabbes because many people won't shlep their kids after dinner, in the dark, through dark stairs etc. Someone in a close building had a celebration on a shabbes, not sure what maybe a bris, he said he would be down to open the shabbes door at this hour, except he came late so people were waiting away.. and some guests also arrived even later and just left after some wait 
Not quite everyone does aufruf or shabbat chatan either.
As for "having" to do or you get spiritual disadvantages (as opposed to "it's our minhag so we do it")... let's just say not all rabbanim hold so and some even strongly oppose saying so.
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