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amother

Sun, Oct 23 2011, 4:02 pm

jackiejoel3 wrote:

what about a paralegal program? Especially in NY if you are willing to put in the hours at a big firm you can make a nice living.

OP here

Would you please be able to tell me more about that.

amother

Sun, Oct 23 2011, 4:08 pm

Barbara wrote:

amother wrote:

TwinsMommy wrote:

why make NOTHING (and depend on handouts) for up to 5 years and THEN make a normal amount?

Why not do something where you can make $20,000 this year and $30,000 next year and $40,000 the year after, so you don't need full assistance and with alimony and child support you can support yourself without government help? Just a thought!

Maybe school isn't what you need, just an entry level position in a field in which you can move up quickly.

Like what? And what happens if they decide to fire me in 10 years and them I have to start all over again?

Well, then you're looking for a position with 10 years of experience in your field.

Honest, she was trying to help. In order to go back to school, not only are you going to have to find enough money to support your family -- through spousal and child support, through government programs, and through part time work -- you''re also going to have to find enough money to pay tuition and books, and for child care expenses. Within five years, you will have tuition, and you will need to find a way to pay that.

You need to immediately secure temporary child support, then apply for assistance. Figure out what resources you have, what you need, and then you need a plan for how to get it. Understand that you may need to move to a smaller home, in a less desirable area.

In your position, I would consider attending a local community college on a part-time basis while working at any job that you can find. Talk to a career counselor at the school about future careers.

OP here

I know she was trying to help and I appreciate it.

I was planning on going to school part time and finding any job but my main concern is what type of job can I get that will cover just the basics. Rent, childcare for 3 kids while I work, diapers, food....

ElTam

Sun, Oct 23 2011, 5:01 pm

Does your soon to be ex work? He will have to pay child support and most likely alimony for some time. As others said, you will need to apply for benefits to get you through this period. What about any family support.

Another idea for a job training thing would be court reporting. I have known some people who have done this. It's normal hours, no blood like nursing. Decent pay.

Shuly

Sun, Oct 23 2011, 6:52 pm

How about sonography? (sonograms) It doesn't require a degree - just sonography school.

TwinsMommy

Sun, Oct 23 2011, 7:39 pm

I was trying to help--- sorry if it came out wrong.

In my opinion, government programs should be a last resort, not a "go to" plan. One of the main reasons for our economy BEING the way it is now is because of so many people taking advantage--- NOT that you would be--- and your situation would be temporary, but I was just trying to see the side of maybe you don't need assistance if you can find a job now--- without school which takes tuition, student loans, etc etc.

And no-- there are NO guarantees when you're entering a field, but I'm lucky to be in sales where I decide when/how to move up and give myself raises. There ARE fields like that where you can be partially or fully self employed and decide how much money you'll make. For instance, babysitting. You could get a level A or B (whatever it's called I can't remember) and get a certification to provide to 3 kids from your home. OR you could take out a loan, hire staff, go through building code stuff and state cert requirements, and open a daycare---- either way, you're ultimately doing the same work, but paying yourself very differently and having very different requirements.

And yes of course you can live on $20,000 to $30,000 if you're also getting alimony and child support, so an entry level job COULD be a way to go. And then there's one more family NOT on the system.

Yep my views aren't popular around here.

I actually WOULD like to go back to school someday. But because of tuition/ student loans/ etc, I know I wouldn't be able to afford it without government assistance. So I won't be doing it.

For that matter I'd like to buy a house. oh well.

Raisin

Sun, Oct 23 2011, 7:47 pm

twinsmommy, I think the OPs situation is EXACTLY what these sorts of programs are designed for. if she gets a good job after going to to school she will be able to educate her children properly, and they in turn can get good jobs. Or she can get a minimum wage job and just about survive, and unless her children are very smart or lucky, they too will be working minimum wage jobs.

Misuse of government programs is lying to get them, or using them as a long term plan.

little_mage

Sun, Oct 23 2011, 8:09 pm

CPA?
Best of luck!

ally

Mon, Oct 24 2011, 2:23 am

Raisin wrote:

ITA. If the government programs are not there for people like the OP, who are they for?

jackiejoel3

Mon, Oct 24 2011, 5:49 am

I don't actually know that much about paralegal work. I believe it is an associates degree. You would need good grammar and writing skills as proofreading the lawyers docs is a big thing. I also know the the big law firms can pay very nicely for an experienced reliable paralegal so after a few years 50K is not a dream but a reality plus benefits. I don't know starting salaries but look it up and find out. There are probably evening classes and such so you could maybe babysit during the day to make a little money and save on daycare costs for your kids. Good luck!!

amother

Mon, Oct 24 2011, 8:00 am

OP here

Thanks, I'll definitely look into that.

I'm still very concerned, is 50K a year enough to live on with 3 kids, tuition and all the basic expenses of life. I'm extremely good at budgeting and saving money but it just seems like it's not enough to cover the basics, never mind trying to save for a future. Sad

sunflower_seed

Sun, Oct 30 2011, 4:14 am

Maybe try speaking to your husband about the money situation.
He HAS to take responsibility, your kids are also his kids.
I hope he will understand and will support you (financially).
I also hope you have good friends or relatives to support you and your kids now.
You are caring for a new-born and need peace and quiet.
I wish you a lot of koach and may Hashem help you in all your ways.

amother

Wed, Nov 02 2011, 4:01 pm

HI OP,
Mazal tov and hugs. wow I can relate. MY ex dh left us when I was pregnant with the 3rd, so I was in the same boat. It is now three years later. (And I don't get a penny from him, since he kind did the dissapearing act and if he works it's off the books). Anyhow, I read through some of the tips, and I'll share what I do.
I work full-time in a dead end job. Sucks, but pays the bills, and I and the kids get some benefits through this job. I'm also in school taking only online class, everything else just isn't feasible schedule wise. I feel at times that I work like a dog, job, school, kids....... and for what? Getting my degree this way will take forever which is really frustrating. then again I have to count my blessings in this economy. Sometimes I wonder, at the people who take the route of public benefits and then just go off and study at college and have leisure time, something I don't even have 15mins of. That's really frustrating. I just with I had more flexibility to take the classes. Anyhow, you asked if you can survive on 50K, yes you for sure can. I make lots less and we survive without any public assistance since I make just a bit over the cut off. I hear they aren't giving section 8 (to new applicants, new cases) anymore so don't rely on that benefit. I suggest you get at least some kind of job so that you have some income, and then start little by little with the classes. You have to take it one step at a time. good luck

ysydmom

Wed, Nov 02 2011, 4:15 pm

To the OP if you want to start making $ right away then please PM me. I run a home based business that works great. I can get you in touch with the right people to get you off on a great start. It only costs $1 no joke it's ligit we are listed with the BBB. I have been with the company for over 8 years and is really simple to do just requires some effort on your part.

abby1776

Wed, Nov 02 2011, 6:38 pm

Court reporter/Stenographer - flexible hours, decent pay.

aidelmaidel

Thu, Nov 03 2011, 1:22 am

Hi, I'm going to be long OP, but bear with me. MAZEL TOV on your new baby.

1. If your husband has moved out, you need to go and apply for any and every government assistance. No one expects someone with a 3 week old baby and two other children, with the oldest who is maybe 4 years old, to go back to work immediately. Take a big breath and enjoy your new baby.

2. You are going to file with the Child Support Enforcement Office. See this link to find the appropriate office: http://www.nyc.gov/html/hra/do.....s.pdf - note that if you are applying for government assistance, then you can likely do it all - food stamps, welfare, TANF, section 8, ACD, child support, etc. at the Dekalb office located at: BROOKLYN
Brooklyn Borough Office
Serving Brooklyn and the Rockaways
481 Hudson Avenue (Between Dekalb&Fulton)
Brooklyn, NY 11201
718-722-3034

3. You are going to find yourself a legal clinic or a lawyer, or just go the Brooklyn Family Court and tell them you need to file a petition for child support.
BROOKLYN
Kings County Family Court
330 Jay Street, 12th Floor
Brooklyn, New York 11201
718-246-7962/68

4. Go to your local community council/met council and ask for the legal assistance office to get help filing for divorce.

5. Contact your local headstart to enroll your 4 year old and to enroll/sign up your second child for next year.

6. Contact Sister to Sister, MARCH, and any other frum organization to help single mothers.

7. Contact your local Tomchei Shabbos organization to help with food until you can get food stamps.

8. Contact your local Girls' high school to see about getting girls for chessed hours.

9. Don't be a martyr. Don't be afraid to ask for help if you need it. If things get too hard emotionally/mentally, don't be afraid to ask for short-term medication to get you through.

10. You can likely get tons of help to go back to school to get a 4 year degree which might be the best situation for you long term.

11. I want to tell you I was also abandoned by my ex with a 3 yo and a 15 month old (he wanted to leave when the younger one was a newborn too, but he was convinced to stick around). I won't lie - it's going to be hard and there will be dark days, but know that Hashem put inside you an iron will. You will survive and come out SO MUCH STRONGER and BETTER for all this.

HUGS HUGS HUGS!

Hug

ETA: You can apply for government assistance if you have no income - that's why it's there! And you can apply before you are legally divorced. He just has to be out of the house.

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