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Forum
-> Relationships
-> Simcha Section
libby1
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 Mon, Feb 24 2014, 4:37 pm
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when your invited to chasunah also for the meal say a first cousin is it proper only to show up for the meal? or need to be there for chuppa too?
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Cookie Monster
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Mon, Feb 24 2014, 4:40 pm
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Why is this under intimacy?
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libby1
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Mon, Feb 24 2014, 4:43 pm
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sorry mistake how do I change this?
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greenfire
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Mon, Feb 24 2014, 5:18 pm
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the chuppah is the mitzva & main event - as I see it ...
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Beyla
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Mon, Feb 24 2014, 5:18 pm
When I'm invited I always try to go to the chupa cause its the most important and I enjoy it a lot. If I can't, I can't.
For a first cousin I would definetly try to be at the chupa, if you can't be there go to the meal, its still nice for her to have you!
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zaq
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Mon, Feb 24 2014, 6:39 pm
If you can attend only part of the affair, attend the chuppah and then leave if you must. It seems a little piggish to come just for the meal unless you have an ironclad reason for not showing up to the chuppah, such as that you were attending your grandson's bris. But that's me. YMMV. If you're close and it's really, truly impossible for you to be there for the chuppah, by all means go to the reception but explain to your cousin beforehand why it's impossible for you to be there for the main event.
BTW if you have to toivel, find out if there's a mikvah near the wedding hall, then slip out as soon as the chuppah is over, nip over to the mikvah, toivel, and race back to the hall. If anyone misses you you can claim digestive disturbances or a wardrobe malfunction or something that took you out of commission for a bit.
Isn't that why you posted originally under intimacy?
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seeker
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Mon, Feb 24 2014, 7:00 pm
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If you're invited for the meal, the entire wedding is included in the invitation and you're expected to show up for the reception before the chuppah and stay throughout. However, if you have schedule conflicts or something and can't make it until later, that is very normal and generally understood, assuming you're not dealing with oversensitive judgmental creeps, in which case you will never get everything right. I don't think it's piggish to come only later, if I can only do part of a wedding I usually choose the later half because I like to join the dancing - I'm not aware of any mitzvah of attending the chuppah, besides saying amen to the brachos; the main mitzvah of the night for the guests is to make the chosson and kallah happy, which primarily happens during the dancing.
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Lady Godiva
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Mon, Feb 24 2014, 7:27 pm
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Attending the ceremony is the right thing to do. If you're really unable to, then of course you go for the meal. Just be sure to join the dancing and not just eat and leave.
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imasinger
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Mon, Feb 24 2014, 7:30 pm
If you are the guest, it would depend on the reason you are thinking takes precedence.
If you are a host, it is polite not to notice such things, because anyone who comes later must have had good reason.
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Ema of 5
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Mon, Feb 24 2014, 8:04 pm
There is no mitzva for a woman to witness the ceremony, but everyone has a mitzva to make the chasan and kallah happy. I have never met anyone (family or otherwise) who was upset with me because I couldn't make it to the ceremony and only came for the meal/dancing. For me, getting out of the house later is easier because it means I can put my kids to sleep and also go together with my husbands. Very few weddings are local, so leaving to get there in time for the kabalas panini would mean my kids probably didn't have supper yet. Lucky for us, family wedding on my husbands side are usually in Lakewood, so we take the kids with is to the chips and then leave them with a baby sitter at my in laws. On my side, the weddings have so far all been flying distance away, so each time we did what worked out best. The one wedding that was here was in Brooklyn and I actually did leave my kids awake with a baby sitter.
I don't understand the big deal about not going for the ceremony.....
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busydev
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Tue, Feb 25 2014, 6:05 pm
I 100% agree that if you cant make the chuppa you go for the dancing (and dance)
other then a possible 3 second (Hi!/Hug/kiss on the cheek) the kalla doesnt see you at the chuppa anyways.
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