what unexpected kindness have you done for your DC?

Jewishmom8

Fri, Jan 09 2015, 3:13 am

amother wrote:

Quote:

I once took my dd out if school for an "appt." Really we went for ice cream it was a great day and she was so happy. I suggest doing more of these things for our kids.

I know kids love this, but as I teacher I cannot stand parents who do this. I come to school day in, day out and devote hours on end to teaching your children. What lesson are you teaching your kids by taking them out of school for these "appointments"? That school is not as important as eating ice cream with your mother? That the teacher's time is not as important as your time? And then I have to spend more of my time either reviewing what the child missed or teaching them something entirely new.
Take your kid for ice cream on Sunday or one night. Please don't do it on my time!

I am not that poster but I dont have a sunday I live in Israel. I do it 2 times a year for each kid. I can't go out at night.
I do think that the benefit of your mom surprising you just to eat ice cream for me outweighs the half hour of missed lessons. that memory of love from your mom will never be forgotten.

imaima

Fri, Jan 09 2015, 6:30 am

Sometimes I pick up my kids a bit earlier to spend some special time with them, but often they are doing something really fun at school and don't want to go.

The fact that keeping your child from school is an "unexpected kindness" makes it sound like school is torture for your child.

seeker

Fri, Jan 09 2015, 9:27 am

1. Some kids really do dislike school or feel tortured by it. It is a fact of life. Wishing school were as enjoyable as ice cream with mother isn't going to change it. They aren't going to feel more positively about school if you don't take them out once in a blue moon.

2. Even for kids who do like school, I don't think taking them out on rare occasions sends a negative message. The message can be "School is great, special time with Mom is even better." How can that be bad? (I know how it can be a pain for missing classwork, this is directed to those who say it sends a negative message about the value of school)

3. Even kids who generally don't dislike school can get dragged down by the monotony once in a while. I don't think I'd bother taking a 6-year-old out of school unless they had an important appointment anyway. But by 5th grade or so there's enough hard work, studying, homework, tests, etc that even kids who really do like school also relish having some time off.

I think the parents mentioned above who made excuses for the day off were pretty smart. That way the kid doesn't get the idea that you can just beg off whenever or that school isn't important enough. I do wonder if these kids ask to stay home every time they have a sniffle though...

the world's best mom

Fri, Jan 09 2015, 10:19 am

Ever since I read Chaim Walder's "Behind the Mask", the story "Wednesdays with Ima" convinced me that it is a good practice to keep kids home once in a while. I plan to start doing this once my kids are old enough to need/want that day off.

mommyla

Fri, Jan 09 2015, 11:35 am

zaq wrote:

I'll tell you: the kind who consider their impulses top priority. The kind for whom a commitment means "unless something more appealing comes along." The kind who will be unreliable when they enter the work force. Because that's what moms are teaching their children when they take them out of school for something frivolous--having fun is more important than school.

Goodness, that's taking quite a leap. We're not talking about letting kids stay home every time they whine that they don't want to go to school. This is taking them out an hour early, stopping off for donuts after a doctor's appointment rather than going straight back to school, giving a stressed teen or preteen a break once in a blue moon.

Giving your kids some valuable one-on-one time, especially kids with long days or large families, just shows them that you love them and want to spend some special time with them. And that you understand that they're human and can use a little break here and there. Nobody's teaching them that they can just swan off and take a day off whenever they feel like it. (On the contrary, if my kid asks to stay home from school for no reason I usually won't allow it, but I will take him or her out for an hour or two in the following week or so.)

allrgymama

Fri, Jan 09 2015, 2:01 pm

Undefined wrote:

One time when I was younger I came home way past my curfew, when I got home my parents called me into the kitchen for what I thought was going to be confrontation, instead they asked me if I wanted to join them for ice cream! More than being upset they were relieved that I was ok. What out of the ordinary things have you done for your children that surprised them and made them really happy?

What a lovely idea for a post/discussion! Thank you so much for the touch of brightness!

debsey

Fri, Jan 09 2015, 2:23 pm

I definitely do "special day" with mommy sometimes. It's not about the break from school so much as it is a break from siblings and a day to have my undivided attention and do something fun. Sometimes, I make it a reward for a contest (make the bus 100 days, and then you get a special day) and sometimes, I do it "just stam" when I feel like one child could benefit from some attention.

My mother used to sometimes stick a treat or a small prize in my briefcase for me to find, with a cute note. I am not as good about this as she was, but here and there I do this. Like my 9th grader loves a certain brand of pita chips that only Target seems to carry, so when I happen to be in Target, I'll buy it and stick it in her briefcase with a note.

amother

Fri, Jan 09 2015, 3:04 pm

imaima wrote:

Why are children who are learning "in distress"?

That's not what I meant. I meant that if a child is in such distress for whatever reason that a mother feels that it's necessary to do this for them, they are probably also not learning well.

imaima

Sat, Jan 10 2015, 3:36 pm

seeker wrote:

Even if you do take them out once in a blue moon, they won't feel more positively about school. They will feel more positively about YOU but not about school.
In order to make them feel better about school, you need to change schools or improve the school they go to.
I think that there are two separate issues in this. One thing is an act of unexpected kindness and the other thing is the unhappiness in school. Let's not pretend that an ice cream can change that.

seeker

Sat, Jan 10 2015, 6:41 pm

imaima wrote:

Nobody said taking them out will make them feel better about school. I was responding to the person who said taking kids out of school for an outing projects a negative attitude about school. My point is that if a kid has a negative attitude about school anyway, this certainly is not going to make it worse. And it is kind of the parents to give the child a break. Solving the issue for good does not usually happen quickly.