Naming conflict...

amother

Dodgerblue

Tue, May 26 2015, 8:42 pm

IyH we are expecting another boy in a few short weeks but we have no idea what to name this baby!
We have some people to name after, but I don't really like any of those names/some of them would have to be changed anyways due to other living relatives.
I'm feeling conflicted because my husband wants to name after someone but I would rather give a name that I love and feel connected to, rather than a convoluted name that needs a whole drasha to explain how this is naming after someone...
any advice?!

amother

Babyblue

Tue, May 26 2015, 9:55 pm

I have the same struggle. I'm pretty much decided at this pt that I'm going to name after family because it's nice for the child to know all his life that his/her name comes from a special person, and because there are family members that it will mean a lot to.

However a person should have a nice name that he or she is proud to introduce himself as, so the baby will be called by a nickname or a name will be added.

Rutabaga

Wed, May 27 2015, 12:40 am

If you can't agree on a name ahead of time, then shelve the issue until the baby is actually born. It can help to get a feel for who the baby is before you name him. And you'll have at least 8 days to decide.

amother

Blush

Wed, May 27 2015, 2:10 am

I also had this problem, and I ended up asking a Rav I was very close to for a name, with the condition that it would be a suggestion, not an absolute. I was prepared to hate the name he suggested, but to my surprise, as soon as he said it, I loved it. I did this with the rest of my children, but it's funny how often the Rav would recommend something my husband wanted in the first place, unknowingly.

If that's not your route, just ask Hashem for help. You'll find a name come up in your consciousness over and over again without realizing it.

amother

Navy

Wed, May 27 2015, 2:35 am

We have the same thing.
Wanted to name after a certain relative but the name would need so much explanation and we actually both hated it.

In the end I broke down and told dh we are not naming this name and I want to use a name I really like since I am the one to take care of this baby and not our relatives who "will be pleased".

In the end I asked a shaila about my own relative's name who I thought was problematic. it turned out it was not only not problematic but advisable to use this name so we will probably use it.

spring13

Wed, May 27 2015, 9:54 am

Try discussing it with DH as a hypothetical, separate from actual decision-making. "What if we picked a name that is meaningful in some other way than for a relative? Are there any names that you like for some other reason? Is there something from the time of year, or a rav/biblical figure you respect that you would choose if there were no other concerns?" Instead of debating which way is better, just ask him to consider what he'd do in a vacuum. It could be that you'll share ideas with each other and hit on something that resonates for both of you in its own way.

amother

Dodgerblue

Thu, May 28 2015, 9:35 pm

Op here. Thanks for all the support!
I like springs idea of finding a Name whose meaning really resonates, as opposed to the way I've been going about it which is thugs that I like the sound of or veto to things I have strong negative associations with.

This pregnancy hasn't been bad by any rate but it's been markedly more difficult than my last, which has made it harder for me to process the whole thing and I think part of that is contributing to the difficulty in naming, the lack of connection.

So maybe between waiting and meeting the baby and trying to find some other meaningful way to name the baby we will be more matzliach!